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When Chelsea's lease is up, Charlie reluctantly agrees that they should live together, but he has second thoughts about everything once the moving in process begins and Chelsea starts to nest, while the rest of the household has mixed reactions.
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Jake tries to take advantage of every opportunity to drive when he gets his learner's permit. Alan tries to deal with Judith's mother in an attempt to get closer to Judith's new baby. Chelsea's cat runs off after Charlie has an accident and takes it out on the cat.
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Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience."
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When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.
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When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husband.
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Charlie goes on a spending spree for his old fling, Courtney, who shows up after three years in prison for conning him out of money.
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Charlie's obsession with the newly "married" Rose leads him to stalk her. Meanwhile, Alan grows concerned when Jake and Eldridge start videotaping stupid and extremely dangerous stunts.
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Rose uncovers Alan's Ponzi scheme and Alan, in turn, meets "Manny," Rose's mannequin "husband." Meanwhile, Charlie is eager to get some alone time with Rose.
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"Two and a Half Men" - "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" - Sept. 18, 2011We open on a casket at a funeral. Alan is giving a eulogy for Charlie, talking about how he lived life on his own terms and how much he gave to his friends and family.Many of his exes are in attendance, they all talk about the diseases he gave them: herpes, genital warts, and chlamydia. Also, his sexual proclivities.Evelyn basically tries to sell Charlie's house during the service as well.The casket is closed due to the "circumstances of his passing."We hear from the person who was with Charlie at the end: Rose. Crazy Rose from the early seasons. She says they ran away together to Paris and he asked her to marry him. She came home from shopping and found him with another woman. She says she forgave him but he accidentally fell in front of a Metro train the next day. She said he didn't feel pain: his body just exploded like a bag of meat. Jake notes that he is now hungry.Back at the house the gang reminisces. Berta says Charlie was a great boss and all he ever wanted was clean sheets and hosing the vomit off a drug-addled hooker.Alan wonders why they have to sell the house since Charlie left it to him. Evelyn points out that Alan can't make the mortgage payments. She says she can't afford to maintain her mortgage and his. She says Alan and Jake can come live with her.John Stamos comes to the open house. He realizes it's Charlie's house and can't stay because of bad memories: a threesome in which the girl passed out and he and Charlie kept going. Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson also drop by as Dharma and Greg. They are bickering, angry people now. (Best joke so far).Later in the evening Charlie's ashes arrive. Alan pulls out the urn and has a moment. He tells Charlie that he loved him and will miss him and is grateful that he took himself and Jake in. He reveals that Charlie wanted Pam Anderson to swallow his ashes. He decides to sprinkle them on the beach where pretty girls covered in oil will sit on him. But as he goes to take the urn he spies a wet, bearded man through the sliding glass doors and the ashes go everywhere as he shrieks.The man asks to use Alan's phone. He explains he was trying to drown himself but the water was too cold. He grabs the phone while Alan grabs a towel. He calls someone and says that he flung himself in the ocean because he can't live without them. The person won't take him back.Alan tries to counsel him saying he's been there: rejected, heartbroken, broke. The guy says he's not broke, he's a billionaire and he would give it all up for his wife, Bridget. He figures Alan has an okay life living in a beach house in Malibu. Alan says it's his dead brother's house and he's selling it. The guy apologizes for making Alan spill Charlie.Alan convinces the guy to go out for a drink and talk. His name is Walden Schmidt. He undresses so Alan can put his clothes in the dryer and hugs him. Alan notes his prodigious endowment.At the bar Alan asks about how he made his money. Bascially, Walden says he sold something to Microsoft. Alan mentions how well-hung Walden is. They proceed to get drunk and Walden explains that Bridget was his high school sweetheart. She said he was emotionally immature: like threatening suicide unless she took him back. Alan commiserates about his divorce. Alan tells him to try and meet someone new just for tonight like the women who just walked in. Walden asks what he should say. Alan says to try "hi." Walden tries that and then says "my wife dumped me and I want to die." She feels bad for him as he cries. Alan is disgusted that this works and then tries it on her friend.They bring the girls back to Alan's house. Walden wants to go back to his hotel but Alan says Charlie would be proud. Walden and the girls go upstairs, ditching Alan, which is depressingly familiar for him.The next morning Berta meets Walden and his impressive endowment. He tells Alan he had sex with two girls. Alan says he masturbated and cried himself to sleep. Walden says his night was better. He also likes his house so he's going to buy it. Alan thanks him. Walden hugs him as Jake and Judith walk in. Jake: "Whoa!" Judith:"I like him."
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Trying to rebound from his recent separation, Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right, while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
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Alan struggles to come to terms with Lyndsey's risqué movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party at the house.
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Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.
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As Walden begins to finish his renovation of Charlie's old house, Alan can still feel his presence. Walden meets a woman named Pauline Parker who claims to be Jake's teacher and Bridget still claims to love Walden even though they are now divorced. Back at the house Walden suggests that Alan should have a last chance look at Charlie's bedroom before Walden makes it his. While taking a look Alan finds some old letters that gives him new insight into Charlie.
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"Two and a Half Men" - "What a Lovely Landing Strip" - Dec. 5, 2011Walden is waiting in a cafe when a sassy black woman tries to take the other chair at his table. They tussle over it until Zoey arrives. She apologizes for being late but she's working on getting her daughter Ava into a prestigiou school, Bellwood, and she tests well but doesn't give a good interview. Walden inquires after her age. She's five. In any case, a whole week after their first date-- in which Zoey pointed out that Walden was still in love with Bridget-- he's decided to show her he's ready to move on. He's brought his final divorce papers and is going to sign them in front of her. Except he doesn't have a pen. He asks aloud in the cafe who does. No one answers. Guess who does? That's right, the sassy black lady he annoyed earlier. She doesn't want to part with it though. He offers her $100 for the pen and then suddenly everyone in the place has one.Later they smooch on the balcony at his house and Walden talks in a goofy British accent and makes her laugh. In between kisses and laughs he asks if she likes Mexican food. She does. He proposes taking her to Guadalajara over the weekend. She asks if that's the name of the restaurant. He points out that it's the name of an old city in Mexico and they can take his plane. She is incredulous that he has a plane but didn't have a pen. He points out you can borrow a pen much more easily than a plane. He then starts talking about Christmas plans and she tells him to hold his horses since he's on the rebound.While this is happening on the balcony Alan and Jake are watching TV in the other room reminiscing that it's just like old times when he and his dad watched TV and the good looking owner of the house was outside making out with a hot chick.Walden enters and rhapsodizes about Zoey, but Alan and Jake both tell him to slow it down just like Zoey did. He says he wants to be in a relationship with romance, intimacy, and commitment. Jake says he gets it, Walden is a chick. Alan points out that they're living in his house. He amends it and says he's a nice chick.On the plane to Mexico Walden has them wear sombreros, sip margaritas, and eat guacamole. She muses that this is all faintly ridiculous. She points out that she's not going to sleep with him. He says he's not trying to sleep with her. She wonders why not. He then gives her a ridiculous diamond necklace and she says it's crazy. And he asks what about giving a diamond necklace to a woman you haven't slept with yet while flying to Mexico in your private plane is crazy. Once he says this aloud he hears this. He then informs her that he knew some people on the board of the school that she was trying to get her daughter into and he pulled some strings and enrolled her. Zoey jumps into his lap, thanks him, starts kissing him and undressing him. The pilot says they are about to start their descent into Mexico. He tells the pilot to circle. She says Walden's about to descend into London. We cut to the outside of the plane and hear Walden tell her she has a lovely landing strip.The next day Walden tells Alan and Jake he may be falling in love. Just then Bridget arrives and says she can't sign the divorce papers, she loves him and wants him back. He hems and haws but she drags him up to bed and starts undressing him saying how much she wants him. When he's down to his boxers he sneaks off to get counsel from Alan.He works it out that Zoey feels like the future and Bridget the past, Alan tells him to go with his heart. When it sounds like he'd have to give away half his money to Bridget if they broke up Alan tells him the future is overrated and to go with Bridget. When Walden points out that this would be easy, he could just sell this house and move back in, Alan tells him he can't live his life in the past and to go with Zoey.Walden goes to break the news to Bridget, who is now in sexy lingerie in his bed. She is pissed. So much so that she storms out and then returns, in her car through the side of the house.Later as Zoey and Walden enjoy a date in his kitchen Bridget can be seen on the balcony spying on them through the door. She is confronted by Rose who asks if she wants Walden back or wants him to suffer? Bridget says she doesn't know. Rose says it's often the same thing and she can show Bridget what to do and to just follow her. She then leaps over the balcony railing. Bridget looks bewildered but then shrugs her shoulders and follows.
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"Two and a Half Men" - "One False Move, Zimbabwe!" - Dec. 12, 2011Walden wakes Zoey up by um, putting his head under the covers. She likes this. He hands her a gift. She protests they weren't exchanging gifts. He presses it on her saying she gave him a nice gift the previous evening. She opens the box: it's a key to his house. She thinks it's sweet but premature. She hops up saying she has to pick up her daughter and her parents. Walden says with her parents in town and his mom visiting and it being Christmas it would be a great time for everyone to get to know each other. From the bathroom she explains they're still getting to know each other. He claims he knows her. She asks him the color of her eyes. He says brown with one have a slight fleck of green and that she is a size four not two and that she runs water in the bathroom to cover the sound of her peeing. She curses. She still says no family this Christmas, kisses him and leaves. He happily notes she took the key. She opens the door and tosses him the key.Later that day, Berta is leaving. Walden says his mom is on her way up from San Diego. Berta notes the mistletoe on his Santa hat. He kisses her on the cheek. She tells him they make belt buckles with mistletoe. He says "really?" She tells him to check his stocking. He then gives her a Christmas bonus of three weeks pay and another kiss. She's disappointed he didn't put on the belt.Walden, Jake, and Alan all speak to their moms. Walden explains to his that she can't meet his new girlfriend. Jake plays his mom and says he's on his way to Alan's and tells Alan he's at the ski lodge with his mom. Alan suggests hanging with his mom, she says she'd rather get laid.Later as they're decorating Walden gloats about how it's going to be a great Christmas since he has a new girlfriend, his mother's coming, and he went to the Apple store and bought himself fun new gadgets and Alan grumbles about lack of a girlfriend, that his mother's also coming--wherever she is-- and he went to the grocery story and bought an apple. He tells Walden about his Christmas ritual with Charlie: Charlie would drink a gallon of eggnog and try to throw him out at gunpoint. Fun. Walden invites Alan to Christmas with him and his mom and points out that they're about the same age so if Alan married her he'd be Walden's new dad. Alan wonders how old Walden thinkls he is. 60? He says he's 44.Walden's mom Robin, arrives. He introduces Alan and shows off his fabulous pad. Alan like the looks of Robin. At dinner she asks if they're dating. Alan says it's more Butch and Sundance than Brokeback Mountain. She says it's a strange set up, a 33 year old living with a 60 year old. Alan says he's 44. Walden explains the situation. She says that's just like him since, as a boy, he brought home sick, helpless animals all the time.Alan asks what she does. She's a primatologist. She has a private gorilla sanctuary thanks to Walden's largesse. She says she raised Walden and a gorilla named Magilla together for the first four years of his life. Walden had thought he was imaginary. She shows them pictures. It's all starting to come back to Walden now, playing together and stuff and being told he was his brother. They sent him away when Magilla tried to kill a Jehovah's Witness. Walden is freaked out. His mom tells him to calm down. He tells her he spent his childhood worried that if he misbehaved he'd be sent to the jungle like Magilla "one false move, Zimbabwe!" She says she never knew he felt like that. He says she was too busy to notice since she was doing her experiments and storms out. Alan turns to her and shrugs and says "Kids. So, you seeing anybody?"Robin calls and leaves Walden a message on his cellphone. Alan is rethinking his gift to Walden: a bathrobe with sock monkeys on it. Robin worries Alan thinks he's a bad mom. He compares her to Evelyn and they both realize she's not so bad. Robin does say that she stored Walden's embryo in a cryogenic chamber until Magilla's mother got pregnant so they could be born at the same time. Alan calls a flag on the play. She says they needed to be born at the same time for the experiments to work, it was for science and she didn't tell her husband. Alan wonders what she learned. Her son is smarter than a gorilla.Walden gets drunk and goes to Zoey's. He tries to explain about his gorilla brother. She tries to say it's bad time and her veddy proper parents come and say hello. Walden asks her mother if she'd raise her child with a wild beast. She says she doesn't know, she has cross-bred orchids. Zoey is confused and asks what happened. He says his entire life is a lie. He says the reason he tries so hard to give her multiple orgasms is because he's afraid if he doesn't she'll banish him to Central Africa. Her mother points out that Zoey's father and she have traveled often to Africa, but she can't say that her husband has ever given her multiple orgasms.Robin calls Walden again and explains to Alan that this is what Walden did as a child, sulk away, climb a tree and beat on his chest and bellow at her. He asks if this reminds her of anyone. Yes, she says, his father. Zoey calls and tells Alan that Walden is drunk and has climbed on her roof. He hangs up, tells Robin and then asks if she wants to go to a movie. She calls him crazy and says they have to go get Walden.They head over to Zoey's roof. Alan, tremulously, climbs up to join him, mostly to impress Robin. Alan says they can't keep blaming their mothers for how their lives turned out and he points out that he knows what it's like to lose a brother and also, that his brother tried to kill a Jehovah's Witness once too. He was hung over and they just kept ringing the bell. An LAPD helicopter arrives, shines light on them and tells them to get off the roof. Walden begins gesticulating towards it like...a gorilla (like King Kong). A crowd gathers at the base of Zoey's building. Zoey emerges and she and her parents meet Robin. They say Walden is a charming young man but are confused that he thinks he's the brother of a monkey. Jake and his friend, very stoned, wander by eating pizza. Jake says he thinks that's his dad on the roof. His friend concurs and then asks if Jake wants to get some frozen yogurt. Jake does.He eventually comes down and Robin takes him and Alan to see Magilla at the sanctuary she runs. Alan tells her she's the perfect mom and woman. She tells him to give it a rest. Walden goes in and "speaks" to Magilla, via sign language. They have a slow motion hug reunion and then Magilla tickles him.
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When Walden's ex-wife and his mother try to take control of his company, he tries to enlist Alan as an ally.
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"Two and a Half Men' - "The War Against Gingivitis" - Feb. 27, 2012
Alan is struggling to remember his password. Walden enters looking for dental floss. Alan has three kinds in his pocket. Walden helps him with his password.
Walden gets a Skype call from Bridget. His old business partner Billy Stanhope called her with a business proposition for Walden. He gets twitchy thinking about him. He tells her to tell him thanks but no thanks. After the call he thinks about Billy Stanhope and screams on the balcony causing Alan to shatter a plate in the kitchen.
He asks if everything is okay. Walden says it's fine. He explains they built a software company together and sold it for a couple of billion. Except Billy didn't want to sell and went crazy and posted his crazy rants about Walden on the Internet. He calls Walden a douche and a sell out and eats his picture. He also has videos where he literally "talks out his ass." Walden gets mad watching the videos and thinking about Billy. Alan says if Walden made him rich he'd lick him from head to toe.
The next day Billy shows up at the house. Walden slams the door in his face. Alan opens it. He calls himself Walden's confidante and mentor. Billy says Bridget mentioned him as "the leech." He asks if he can talk to Walden since he has another billion dollar idea. Alan invites him in. Billy spouts off some techno-babble and begs to talk to Walden for five minutes. Alan declines. He gives Alan 50 bucks. Alan goes to talk to him.
Walden is mad that Alan let him. He says he was distracted by the words "billion dollar idea." Alan tries to explain and can't come up with the words. Walden comes up with them and realized Billy figured out something big they'd been working on: the electric suitcase. Billy wants Walden's help writing the code. Walden throws back his words in his face and asks for an apology. He offers one and Walden tapes it on his phone. Walden wants him to dance like a monkey. They then get into a physical fight which Alan tries to break up. Jake enters as they grapple and says "I'm getting too old for this crap."
Disentangled, Alan tries to get them to shake hands. They refuse and start to bicker again. They shake. They start to reminisce about old fights. And start bickering again. And apologize again. They agree to try working on it and make a plan and talk more technobabble, Alan pretends he understands. Alan offers to make cookies.
He then goes to the bar and talks to the bartender about being dismissed to 7-11 for Red Bull and Hot Pockets. He's sad because he thought Walden was his best friend and it turns out Billy is. He's sad because he doesn't have any old friends from high school or camp or anything. And Lyndsey's on vacation. The bartender is sad he has no friends and says she doesn't count. Alan goes to visit Berta.
Walden and Billy work on the coding in the kitchen and argue who has to pee more. They start downing Red Bull competitively and taunting each other about their "girly bladders." They continue to taunt each other and struggle.
Alan has brought Berta soup because she's sick. She feigns a cough. He says friends should take care of each other. She says he has been in her life longer than both her husbands and most of her underwear. They hug. She hands off a package to someone at the door and gets a big wad of money. She asks him to go to address and hand off the envelope named Shermie, whom she owes money to.
Walden and Billy run out and pee off the patio balcony. While they're peeing Billy admits he's sleeping with Bridget and has been since they broke up basically. They start to fight again.
Alan runs to his car in from a house in a bad neighborhood yelling "that's all she gave me!" and as he drives away his back window is shot out.
When Alan comes home, pee stain on his pants, he finds Walden and Billy coding in the kitchen in bathrobes, both recently showered and still bickering. They all admit to having a little accident. They're about to test the first module. Walden presses the button and says "behold the birth of the Stanhope/Schmidt electric suitcase" and the lights go out. Alan is unimpressed. Walden asks him to name a state and he says "Florida." We see the outline of North America and the light wink out in Florida. Then Canada. Then the entire U.S. That's one powerful suitcase. They both say "awesome!"



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Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers to one another. Meanwhile, Jake and Eldridge enlist Walden to drive them to a high school party.
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Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey.
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"Two and a Half Men" - "Why We Gave Up Women" - April 30, 2012
Previously: Walden asked Alan to move out temporarily so he could do a trial run with Ava and Zoey. Alan moved in with Lindsey. It was disastrous on both ends.
Walden works up the courage to talk to Zoey about how tough it has been with Ava and how he doesn't want them to move in. She cuts him off and says she had her doubts but now she's on board. Classic sitcom misunderstanding! Zoey says after they work out some details they can move in. As Zoey puts her to bed he realizes that wasn't the plan.
And then Alan shows up. Walden admits that he's going to make it work. Alan yells and protests and then says he'll figure something out. He says he's a survivor. And then he has a heart attack. Walden thinks he's kidding. He's not.
At the hospital, Walden tells the intake nurse Alan is his friend and he'll take care of the bills. He will have to since his insurance is terrible. The nurse makes him check the "domestic partner" boss. Zoey thinks Alan's heart attack is "convenient" so he can get back into the house. The doctor says he'll be fine, but that he did have a mild heart attack and he'll need to rest for a month or two.
Alan wakes up to see Walden in his hospital room. He feels great because he's on a morphine drip. He says if everyone was on one there would be no more war. Walden tells him what happened and Alan remembers and his heart rate monitor goes up and Walden panics and says Alan can stay as long as he needs to and his heart rate monitor goes back to normal. Walden tells him to relax and feel better.
Alan awakes several more times and hears Walden talking to people outside his hospital curtain: Evelyn who says she doesn't know what she'd do if she lost Alan since she already lost her good son. Jake and his ex-wife who decide not to tell Alan that Jake got caught with pot in his locker. Lindsey, whom Walden tells she doesn't have to take care of Alan because he feels responsible for what happened to him so Walden will take care of him. Lindsey is fine with that.
He awakens a fourth time and is confronted by the "ghost" of Charlie. As played by Kathy Bates. She's smoking a cigar and wearing a bowling shirt. He's dubious. She tells him things only Charlie would know. Alan doesn't understand why he looks like an older woman, not unlike Kathy Bates. It's because Charlie's in hell and walking around in this "old broad's" body is supposed to be early damnation. He doesn't care though since "boobs are still boobs." Charlie has returned to tell Alan it's not too late to change his life and step up and be a man which doesn't mean going to live with Lindsey. He tells him to get his own place and pull his own weight.
Zoey and Walden bicker about Alan over video chat with Walden defending him and saying he has nowhere else to go. Zoey calls Alan the herpes of houseguests. Alan arrives and tells Walden he's going to stop being a parasite and stand on his own two feet. Alan says he found a cute place online, it's not much but he'll have his pride. Walden tries to stop him but Zoey keeps egging him on from video chat.
Alan is on the phone with Jake and tells him he can't live at the beach house either and there really isn't room for him in his new place but he'd love to have him. Alan looks around his sad new little one room, hot plate apartment and says "I'm self-sufficient and beholden to no one." A black bird lands on his sill.
Zoey jokes she misses Alan. Walden agrees before he realizes she's kidding. Zoey wants to know what Walden wants to do now that they have the house to themselves. He wants to do her on every flat surface of the house. They start to make out and Jake busts in with a girl. He claims not to have spoken to his dad.
Ghost Charlie visits Alan in his crummy new apartment. Alan wonders if Charlie is proud since he's standing on his own two feet. Charlie laughs and calls him a sucker and says he had to come back from Hell to do it but he finally got Alan out of his house. It was all a hoax. It's what they do in hell says Charlie. Alan awakes with a start and thinks it was a dream.It wasn't. Then he wakes again and it's still not a dream.
Alan returns to Walden's suitcase in hand. Outside the door he wonders how to "sell" his return. He works on his "heart attack" face. He comes in and says he forgot a few things. Walden wonders if that includes Jake. Alan gets angry saying he told Jake not to come over and that no one listens to him and then he pulls his fake heart attack. Zoey sees him and is angry. Walden calls 911.
Back in the hospital Alan awakes to hear Walden talking behind the curtain to the doctor and Zoey. The doctor says he's fine. Walden wants to know when he can take him home. Zoey is mad but Walden says he won't have Alan's death on his conscience. Alan gives a mock Academy Awards speech. Elsewhere Jake and Ghost Charlie rap in the waiting room.

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"Two and a Half Men" - "The Straw in My Donut Hole" - May 7, 2012
Alan returns from the hospital and Walden is treating him very gingerly and his whole family is there to welcome him home with a surprise. He feigns another heart attack just for laughs. Walden is not amused because, apparently, many members of his family have dropped dead in front of him and will continue to mention these tragic deaths throughout the show.
(For instance his Grandma Abigail came to visit once and said she was "fine" and she face-planted in his Legos. Also one of his uncles said he was fine once and then went to the bathroom and crapped out his small intestine.)
Alan ends up having the best day of his life as Walden has bought him a new bed and a plasma TV which Alan then asks for movie and porn channels on. Walden offers to pay his bills as well. Later, Judith visits and tells him not to worry about child support. Then Berta makes him dinner in bed and his favorite dessert peach cobbler with ice cream. While he is eating that and watching "Avatart," Lindsey shows up and gives him a little oral pleasure.
After going to the doctor-- played by Jason Alexander of "Seinfeld" fame-- and being given a clean bill of health, Alan decides to continue milking all of the good fortune coming his way. He gets his mother to take him shopping for cowboy clothes, Walden installs one of those little seats that glides up the stairs and orders Walden a massage. Zoey is aghast at all of this and makes her displeasure known. Then she goes to Alan as he's getting his massage and leans in tells him that she's on to him and that he can do whatever he wants to his girlfriend and family but to stop exploiting Walden. He protests that he isn't. She tells him he's been warned.
Later, the whole family confronts him again. This time it's because Zoey has had a private investigator follow him. She shows everyone video of Alan vigorously playing beach volleyball with a bunch of hot babes. He spikes the ball, runs around, chest bumps and high fives all the ladies. He is clearly fine. Since he has no excuse Alan fakes yet another heart attack. They all step over his body and proceed to the kitchen.
Later, when Walden is heading off to bed late night he encounters Alan still lying on the floor. He asks him how long he's going to lie there. Alan says until the shame wears off. Walden hops in the little electric seat and starts to motor up the stairs as Alan begins to sing "Memories (The Way We Were)."
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"Two and a Half Men" - "Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!" - May14, 2012
Jake enters the kitchen wishing Alan a good morning. Alan points out that it's 2 p.m. Jake says since it's Saturday he slept in. Alan points out that it's Sunday. Jake wonders what happened to his Saturday. Alan points out that since Jake is graduating from high school in a few days that he needs to get his act together or he will be a failure. Just then Walden walks in naked muttering good morning. Jake asks Alan to repeat himself since he was distracted by the naked billionaire who also just woke up.
Jake and Eldridge are sharing a bong and a pizza in Jake's room in their graduation caps and gowns and complaining about the long speech of the valedictorian. They commiserate that their parents are hassling them to make something of their lives. They wonder what they should do. They decide on frozen yogurt.
Alan is driving Lindsey somewhere and is on the phone with Judith. She is haranguing him about Jake's bleak future. She hassles him into asking Walden for a job for Jake at his new company. Alan finally agrees. He hangs up complaining what a harridan Judith is and thanking Lindsey for being great. She then acts annoyed that he's going to ask for a job for Jake but not Eldridge.
Alan heads over to Walden and Billy's new offices, office-warming plant in hand. He asks them for a job for the kids Walden tries to explain to Billy what worthless layabouts the boys are but Billy says they'll give them a chance.
They bring them in to monitor their gazillion dollar, state of the art server system on the overnight shift. Basically all they have to do is sit there. If a green light turns red on a hard drive they just need to swap it out with a new one. Not long after they've been there Eldridge has downloaded a ton of porn.... and the viruses that come with them start to infect the system until it shorts out and the fire department has to come. Billy tries to strangle them when they ask about getting paid and Walden restrains him.
The news gets back to Alan and Lindsey who apologize profusely at first and then start arguing with each other about which of their children is the worse influence.
At the same time Jake and Eldridge are proving that they're both equally idiotic when, while at the mall, they sign up with the army.
Alan goes to the recruiter at the mall and explain that Jake is an idiot and that the U.S. will be in danger if he tries to protect it but the recruiter says it's too bad since Jake is 18 and signed the form. Alan yells "Hey look! Al-Qaeda!" and grabs the form and runs. The recruiter yells after him that it's just a copy.
Alan, Judith, Herb, Jake, Evelyn, Walden, and Berta give Jakes a tearful send off at the house and we see many clips of Jake as a little boy as he hugs each of them.
At the end of the episode we see Jake and Eldridge crawling on their bellies through mud in full gear and backpacks with rifles under barbed wire on an obstacle course and asking when they get to play with the fighter planes. When Jake says it might be after lunch, Eldridge says there is a five mile run after lunch. Jake thinks he's going to skip it because he wants to take a nap.
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Walden was asked to pick up milk for Zoey, instead he brought up a birthday surprise for her, Jake comes home from the army with Eldridge. Evelyn, Judith, Herb, Alan, Lyndsey, and Robin were present at the party and the arrival of Jake and Eldridge! Judith wasn't the only person that who misses Charlie - her brother in law. Jake reunited with his sister Milly at the beach house for the weekend! Bridget starts stalking lessons with Rose.
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While Alan becomes obsessed with off-brand teeth whitening, Walden begins to crack up over his breakup with Zoe.
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Alan agrees to Lyndsey's idea of having a threesome with Walden, but Walden can't follow through because he's still in love with Zoey.
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Walden is conflicted when a friend's hot daughter comes to visit, but the problem solves itself when Jake arrives for a surprise visit.
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After a series of bad double date setups with Alan and Lyndsey, Walden meets a new woman--Charlie's ex, Rose.
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Alan's ex wife Kandi is in town and wants to have coffee with him. Jake is diagnosed with an STD while Walden plans for a Birthday gift for Berta. He goes to her apartment on her Birthday with a cake stuffed with weed and the two get very high and emotional. Walden surprises Berta with a sports car and requests her to not tell Alan. Kandi calls up Alan in the middle of the night stating an emergency but when he reaches her room he finds her in a bath robe trying to seduce him. Alan turns her down by stating that he is a committed relationship with Lyndsey. Saying that he leaves the room. Lyndsey comes know about Alan's visit to Kandi via the media. Alan meets up Kandi again to tell her to talk to Lyndsey since she won't talk to him. Kandi ends up leaving and annoying voice mail on Lyndsey's phone .Kandi goes to Lyndsey's house and tries to convince Lyndsey that nothing happened between her and Alan and she and Lyndsey end up in bed together and swear to not tell about this to Alan.
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Using Waldens money, Alan invests in Kates fashion line. Meanwhile, leading a double life starts to take its toll on Walden.
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After Alan and Walden fight over a toaster, Alan moves out and goes back to his old house to live with Herb. |
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Alan and Walden take Herb out to take his mind off of his troubles, but his partying quickly spirals out of control. |
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Alan is crushed when Lyndsey dumps him and immediately starts dating a new man, and Walden is crushed because he is now completely stuck with Alan--again.
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Walden dates a sexy young woman, but is actually more interested in her grandmother. Meanwhile, Alan and Jake take a final road trip together before Jake leaves for Japan. |
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Alan is shocked when Charlies long-lost illigitimate 25-year-old daughter, Jenny, shows up at Waldens beach house to connect with whats left of her family, and who happens to like everything her dad liked, including women.
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Charlie's daughter Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her 91 1/2 year old boyfriend, and Lyndsey cheats on her new boyfriend with Alan. |
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Berta is injured on the job, and after getting in an argument with Walden over retirement, she decides to quit. |
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Walden decides to join Jenny and her friends during their wild escapades. But when he wakes with her in bed, they wonder what happened and if anything happened. And when Alan is out with Lyndsey, they run into a woman they know and when she assumes they're together, they deny it. So Lyndsey tells Alan to ask her out so that she won't think they're together. Which he does but she's throwing herself at him and he tries not to reciprocate.
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Alan's jealousy over being the "other man" causes him to spy on Lyndsey's boyfriend, and Walden tries to get Jenny started with acting lessons. |
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When Alan learns Walden knows Wonder Woman's LYNDA CARTER (guest starring as Herself), he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.
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Walden and Alan approach a couple of girls and ask them out. And the one Alan hooks up with is "easy" to please. And when they are about to go out Lyndsey shows up, Alan is worried how she will react. But she says she's OK with it because they are not in a relationship. And just when things between Alan and the girl were heating up, Lyndsey calls up and she's drunk and saying she's not OK with it. So Alsn goes to Walden who's about to get it on with his girl to ask what should he do.
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When Larry hires a private investigator to follow Lyndsey, he tracks her to the beach house. But when Larry thinks that she's having an affair with Walden, Alan has to figure out how to clear Walden's name without outing himself. Recurring guest star MELANIE LYNSKEY returns as the neighborhood stalker Rose, who offers to help Walden out of his dilemma.
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Walden meets an extremely attractive blonde model at a tech convention, but finds her lack of intelligence unappealing and decides he doesn't want to see her again. Unfortunately for him, she falls off the outer deck and ends up in the hospital, and he has to take care of her, a task that becomes more and more daunting because she keeps suffering major self-inflicted injuries. When she tries to seduce him despite being badly disfigured, Walden bluntly tells her he does not want to sleep with her or have any further relationship. She then promises to sue him for the injuries she suffered on his property, only to get hit by a bus when leaving his house, and make a phone call to an incredulous Walden; he ends up taking care of her only companion in the city, a pet pig named Frank. Meanwhile, Alan's wistful evening plan of looking over some of Jake's old items inspires Jenny to take him to a gay bar where there will be horny, drunk straight women by night's end. To Alan's surprise, he meets an attractive woman named Paula and they end up sleeping together; to his even greater surprise, Paula reveals she spent 40 years as a man named Paul before undergoing gender-reassignment surgery. Alan is shocked but takes the news fairly in stride, even being OK with Paula stepping in at a movie theatre and punching out a jerk who ignored Alan's request to be quiet during the film.
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Walden helps Jenny get a second date with a one-night stand (guest star ALY MICHALKA) and Alan's transgender girlfriend's ex-wife (guest star DIANE FARR) hits on him. Meanwhile, in the spirit of the holidays, Alan receives a Japanese delicacy from Jake for Christmas, and Walden's Malibu house is alive with questionable Christmas carol lyrics. Paula Marshall returns as Alan's transgender girlfriend, Paula.
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Walden is hired by a former employee he fired to write code for a new project, and Alan suffers an unfortunate tick bite while hiking with Jenny and her girlfriend. |
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Alan runs into Lyndsey and her boyfriend. He asks Alan to go on a double date with them and a girl he knows. Alan accepts. The girl they set him up with is hot. She then takes them to a party which is for swingers. Lyndsey's boyfriend gives Alan the opportunity to be with Lyndsey but she's upset with him for going on the date. Walden wants to hook up with Nicole but she wants to finish her project. So he offers to help but all they can think about is being with each other.
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After multimillionaire Marty Pepper proposes to Evelyn, Walden and Alan throw him a bachelor party with several of his old friends (comedy legends TIM CONWAY, STEVE LAWRENCE and GARRY MARSHALL guest star) who help him celebrate his last days of bachelorhood.
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After Alan learns that Lyndsey broke up with Larry and didn't tell him, he makes a big decision. Meanwhile, Walden sets out to prove that he's a man's man. |
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Alan turns to Judith for comfort after Lyndsey accepts Larry's marriage proposal, and Jenny is worried that Brooke is blowing her off. |
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Alan takes an interest in Larry's sister after "Jeff Strongman" agrees to be his best man, and Walden is concerned about his relationship with Nicole. |
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Lyndsey discovers that Alan is sleeping with Larry's sister, Gretchen. Meanwhile, Walden finds it difficult with telling Barry to find his own place. |
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Just as Walden is considering proposing to Kate, he falls for a random stranger who arrives at his beach house. Meanwhile, Gretchen discovers that Alan's "Jeff Strongman" persona is a lie. |
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Walden's therapist tells him to have plenty of random casual sex to help get over falling in love too quickly, and Alan's new business venture provides him with the perfect opportunity. |
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Walden, Jenny & Barry travel to Colorado in Walden's private jet to reconnect with his 1st car. While there they take advantage of Colorado's legalization; Gretchen pushes Alan to reveal his identity to Larry. Alan gets down on 1 knee & proposes to Gretchen.
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Alan and Walden must be perceived as a loving couple during a meeting with an adoption social worker. However, Lyndsey returns from rehab and makes their plans more difficult. |
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Much to Walden's frustration, Louie successfully manipulates Alan, who cannot resist the opportunity to finally get to become the cool parent. |
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While adapting to the demands of parenthood, Alan suggests finding a playgroup for Louis. This leads to a new circle of friends for the guys who start finding it more challenging to keep up the pretence of being gay. |
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Alan and Walden are having Christmas with Louis. They learn that he doesn't believe in Santa Claus. So Walden tries to prove him wrong. He gets a guy to play Santa and he will bring Louis' gift, a bike, which Rose told them he wants. Problem is the Santa he got, shows up drunk and Alan wanting to save money doesn't have the bike delivered assembled.
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Walden and Laurel set up a playdate for their kids so they can pick up where they left off the last time they got together. Meanwhile, Herb asks Alan if he can ask Lyndsey out. |
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When Ms. McMartin discovers that Walden and Alan are pretending to be gay, she threatens to take Louis away. However, Alan has a plan to help her change her mind. |
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Walden's worried how his "relationship" with Miss McMartin will affect his plans to adopt Louis. Alan's hoping Lyndsey will stay in L.A. now they are back together. But she already sold her house so Alan tries help her find a place to stay. But when she suggest they move in together Alan doesn't respond well. So Lyndsey decides to go to San Francisco. Later Alan and Walden talk and Walden says Alan doesn't want to move in with Lyndsey because he doesn't want to leave the house. And Alan tells Walden Miss McMartin is perfect for him. So they both try to get them back.
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Walden discovers that Ms. McMartin is crazy and needy after they hook up, but he doesn't want to break up with her and mess up the adoption. Meanwhile, Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her. |
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Walden and Alan had decided some time ago that after Louis' adoption was over they would get a divorce for them to be able to marry other people eventually. Walden wants to get Alan a "thank you" gift for all he has done with helping Walden adop Louis. So Alan decides to get himself a gift that will kind of ruin his relantionship with Lyndsey. However, Alan finds a way to win Lyndsey back in a very important and big decision that may change his and Walden's life...
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Alan gets a letter saying that Charlie has over two million in royalties. And he of course tries to get it but he needs Charlie's death certificate. So he goes to his mother to get it but she doesn't have it. And when Alan and his mother get packages and messages of a threatening nature, they wonder, is he really dead.
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