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The host for the episode is George Carlin, and the musical guests are Billy Preston and Janis Ian. The skits for this episode are as follows: an ESL teacher steadily loses his temper when a student repeats his every word. New Dad Insurance offers bereaved families a new father to take the place of their deceased one. A distraught rape victim in a courtroom describes the attacker's words in writing, which then confuses an inattentive jurist. Andy Kaufmann sings along with a Mighty Mouse record. A reporter interviews the victim of a shark bite who, despite his claims to the contrary, obviously still has all his limbs. Two men, claiming to be a married couple, discuss the benefits of a new vitamin product called Jamitol. A mock ad for pain-reliever Triopenin plays up the product's child-proof caps. Albert Brooks presents a documentary titled "The Impossible Truth," in which he presents several shocking news stories. In the maternity ward of a hospital for bees, father bees anxiously wait to find out if their children will be drones or workers. The Academy of Better Careers offers people an exciting new life answering telephones. Valri Bromfield presents a monologue as a volleyball coach giving some very personal advice to her players before a game. In a mock commercial parodying Lark cigarettes, a truck rolls through town asking people to show their guns. A home security system installer breaks into a couple's home and scares them to death to demonstrate how much they need an alarm installed. Finally, another mock commercial presents 3-bladed razors as an absolute household necessity. During the show, George Carlin performs monologues on blue food, religion, baseball vs. football, and other observations. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase reports about President's Ford bumping his head and Emperor Hirohito visiting Disneyland. Billy Preston performs "Nothing from Nothing" and "Fancy Lady," while Janis Ian performs "At Seventeen" and "In the Winter".
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The host for the episode is Paul Simon, and the musical guests are Randy Newman and Phoebe Snow. The skits for this episode are as follows: former Chicago Seven member Billy Rubin pitches graffiti wallpaper. The Bees are informed by Paul Simon that their skit has been cut from this week's show. Albert Brooks presents a film of failed Candid Camera-style stunts. A mock commercial demonstrates the strength of Try-Hard batteries in a head-to-head contest powering pacemakers. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase reports about President's Ford's car accident and Muhammad Ali's newest name change, while Marv Albert reports on a basketball game between Paul Simon and Connie Hawkins.Paul Simon performs "Still Crazy After All These Years," "Marie," "My Little Town," "American Tune," "Loves Me Like a Rock" (with Jesse Dixon), "The Boxer" (with Art Garfunkel), "Scarborough Fair" (with Art Garfunkel), and "Gone at Last" (with Phoebe Snow and Jesse Dixon). Randy Newman performs "Sail Away". Art Garfunkel performs "I Only Have Eyes for You". Phoebe Snow performs "No Regrets".
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The host for the episode is Rob Reiner, but there is no musical guest. The skits for this episode are as follows: a man in a wheelchair inadvertently discovers he can walk, but is unable to repeat the miraculous feat. Rob Reiner performs a number of lounge-singer acts. The National Pancreas Association stresses the importance of taking good care of your pancreas. Rob Reiner, together with his wife Penny Marshall, honors some of the more popular fashion faux-pas. The Golden Needles voodoo acupuncture technique offers healing without surgery. Andy Kaufmann sings along with a record of Pop Goes the Weasel. In an interview with Squeaky Fromme, Fromme keeps trying to assassinate the interviewer, only to fail each time. Dance group The Lockers perform a comic dance. A man speaks out against defamation of droolers. An ad for a moving company promotes their skill at moving people from place to place, though not their belongings. A pair of nuns attempt to emcee their church's talent night. Albert Brooks presents a film about heart surgery. Gilda Radner recites a list of things she ate that day. Rob Reiner blows up at having his ending skit interrupted by the Bees, only to have his rant backfire. During the Weekend Update, Don Pardo is kidnapped and used by the kidnappers to announce their demands.
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The host for the episode is Candice Bergen, and the musical guest is Esther Phillips. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Ford gives an accident-laden introduction to the show. Candice Bergen is interrupted during her monologue by one of the Bees. A commercial informs viewers of the opportunities for wealth by becoming an ambassador. A man demanding to see his CIA file is faced with a seemingly insurmountable pile of disarray. A special on intelligent animals profiles the dangerous land shark. A gay man has fond memories of dressing in his mother's clothes. Catherine Deneuve endorses Chanel perfume. Andy Kaufman's foreign man character attempts to entertain the audience, but bombs terribly. Albert Brooks presents previews of new shows for the coming TV season, including an over-dramatic medical series, a show about a frustrated man living with two women, and a Vietnam vet who becomes a veterinarian. A strange man makes a crank call to an airline and begins talking about torturing the receptionist. A reporter interviewing a third-world dictator keeps playing practical jokes on the leader. A talk show host interviews a controversial black author who is very obviously white. Two men discuss whether one should bring his girlfriend home for Thanksgiving while they play Pong. Esther Phillips performs "What a Difference a Day Makes" and "I Can Stand a Little Rain".
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The host for the episode is Robert Klein, and the musical guests are ABBA and Loudon Wainwright III. The skits for this episode are as follows: Sherry wins the Miss America beauty pageant, but refuses to accept the honor. Two men discuss the results of their latest mid-term exam while playing Pong. One of the Bees delivers an inspirational message for the Bicentennial about moments in Bee history. An interviewer asks Greg Allman about his love life, but Allman keeps trying to steer the conversation elsewhere. Director Sam Peckinpah describes his vision to a new actress, steadily brutalizing her in the process. A parody ad for Jamitol features a husband and his exhausted wife. An exterminator, horrified at the prospect of killing, shows his partner a film about the history of cockroaches. Gilda Radner offers viewers a number of fire safety tips. A commercial offers viewers a way to save money when shopping with their own pricing gun. Emily Litella appears to pitch her new book. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase reports on President Ford bumping his head on a little girl, George Wallace's next run for president, and the execution of David and Julia Eisenhower. Robert Klein performs "I Can't Stop My Leg". Loudon Wainwright performs "Bicentennial" and "Unrequited to the Nth Degree". ABBA performs "S.O.S." and "Waterloo".
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The host for the episode is Lily Tomlin, but there is no musical guest. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Ford attempts to speak to the American people while also answering the phones, and manages to hit his head and tumble over his desk. Beethoven, struggling to come up with a new symphony, creates "Tie a Yellow Ribbon," "My Girl" and "What'd I say?". The Land shark continues to prey on unsuspecting apartment dwellers, but just before the shark hunters can catch it, they are told to cut the skit short. A bellboy at the Atlanta Hotel is shocked to find a white woman and a black man staying together. Young Edith Ann talks about going ice skating with her dog. A commercial introduces Spud Beer for people whose electroshock therapy has rendered them senseless. Women starting work on a construction site take lessons in how to harass passing men. Patty Hearst receives a letter from one of her sorority sisters. A girl at a high school dance gossips with an unseen friend about their classmates. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase reports on CIA assassination attempts, Ronald Reagan's potential bid for the presidency, Franco's death, Eldridge Cleaver's return to America, and a new Peanuts character. Lily Tomlin performs "St. James Infirmary," "I Got You Babe" and "Bee Scat".
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The host for the episode is Richard Pryor, and the musical guest is Gil Scott-Heron. The skits for this episode are as follows: Garrett Morris tricks Chevy Chase into taking a bad fall during a skit. Richard Pryor does an opening monologue about why he doesn't drink or take LSD. A man checks into a hotel managed by a samurai who speaks no English. A black author talks about his latest book in which he disguises himself as white. A woman tries to identify her attacker from a series of stacked line-ups. An interview for a job using word association turns racially tense. Two men discuss a hockey game while playing Pong. A father complaining that blacks are taking over is oblivious to the fact that his entire family has turned black. A major accidentally uses a piece of new equipment that was intended for emergencies. In a sequel to The Exorcist, Regan manages to push both priests over the edge. Albert Brooks tries to make another film while sick in bed. Richard Pryor witnesses a conspiracy theorist get gunned down just before announcing the truth about the JFK assassination. Shelly Pryor sings a song about carousel horses. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase comments on homosexuality in sports, Kissinger's accent, and Franco's continuing death. Emily Litella delivers an impassioned speech on busting children. Gil Scott-Heron performs "Johannesburg" and "A Lovely Day".
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The host for the episode is Candice Bergen (her second appearance), and the musical guests are Martha Reeves and The Stylistics. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Ford delivers a special message for Christmas and falls out of a tree. An ad for a restaurant where customers can choose their cow, kill it and butcher it. A boy calls home from the police station to tell his parents he's killed 26 people. Candice Bergen invites people to send home movies to NBC, then shows her own movie of herself ice skating with the Bees. A young man comes out of the closet and admits to his family that he's an elf. A pair of strangers at a laundromat share a vicarious romance through their clothes. Two men discuss the prowess one of them has at pinball, while playing Pong. Gilda Radner lists off the things she ate at last year's Christmas. Margaret Kuhn delivers an inspirational message about growing old, and Gary Weiss presents a film about travelers returning home for the holidays. During the Weekend Update, Laraine Newman comments on the New Year's festivities, even though it's still a week early, while Chevy Chase reports from the wrong location and Emily Litella gets worked up over firing the handicapped. Martha Reeves performs "Higher & Higher" and "Silver Bells". The Stylistics perform "You Make Me Feel Brand New". Candice Bergen performs "Winter Wonderland".
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The host for the episode is Elliott Gould, and the musical guest is Anne Murray. The skits for this episode are as follows: A quartet of dead musicians perform a piece. Elliott Gould sings during his opening monologue. Gilda Radner and Elliott profess their love for each other through the course of the show and get married. A housewife is caught off guard when a couple of workmen come to destroy her home. The Godfather talks about his feelings about the Tattaglia family in a group therapy session. A commercial presents Shimmer, a combination floor wax and dessert topping. Gary Weis presents a film on lounge singers performing "Misty". A family is trapped in their home by a swarm of killer bees, but before the matter can be resolved the cameras suddenly go off-balance. Forcing Lorne Michaels to confront a drunken control-room director. Albert Brooks presents a film about using audience research to judge his work. Two American Indians speak at a press conference to give their views on stereotyping. During the Weekend Update, Laraine Newman comments on toxic nerve agents, while Chevy Chase once again gets lost on his way to a story. Anne Murray performs "Long Distance Call" and "Boogie With You".
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry, and the musical guests are Bill Withers, Toni Basil and The Blues Brothers. The skits for this episode are as follows: A suicide hot-line operator tries and fails to prevent a caller from killing himself. Buck Henry gives a self-effacing speech during the opening monologue, while notices superimposed on the screen tell the real story. A man orders a sandwich at a restaurant run by a samurai. President Ford learns of a new campaign strategy to make him look more intelligent. A speed-reading course is presented that helps people read faster, but not better. A sequel to Citizen Kane is presented in which a reporter investigates Kane's other last words. A mechanic tells his daughter nothing but automotive bedtime stories. Gary Weis presents a film with Buck Henry looking for the funniest person on the streets of New York. Michael O'Donoghue does an imitation of Michael Douglas with needles in his eyes. A spokesman for the American Constipation Society discusses the social pain that constipation causes. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase once again gets lost while tracking down a story, while a guest commentator rails against masturbation. Bill Withers performs "Ain't No Sunshine". Toni Basil performs "Wham Re-Bop Boom Bam". The Blues Brothers perform "King Bee".
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The hosts for the episode are Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, and the musical guest is Neil Sedaka. The skits for this episode are as follows: A bomb squad is called in to investigate a mysterious package, but unfortunately does not defuse it in time. A casting director for a new Tarzan movie is faced with an aspiring actor auditioning for the lead role, despite having one leg. A maximum-security prison holds auditions for a production of Gigi, in which several of the inmates perform songs they've prepared. Don Pardo presents a luxury vacation plan from inside an elevator. A reporter interviews the owner of the Frog and Peach restaurant about their choice of cuisine. Gary Weis presents a film about novelty store items. A British version of Sonny & Cher sing their own rendition of "I Got You Babe" that turns nasty. A reporter conducts an interview with a male-impersonator actress named Sheila. A team of doctors decides to harvest a body for organs after their patient dies, even though the patient is raising protests. Matthew interviews a shepherd who saw the Baby Jesus for the new Gospel he's working on. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase gets a wrong number while trying to reach an Angolan prison, Emily Litella gets confused over Soviet Jewelry, and Laraine Newman conducts interviews in the street on the topic of abortion. Neil Sedaka performs "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" and "Lonely Night".
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The host for the episode is Dick Cavett, and the musical guest is Jimmy Cliff. The skits for this episode are as follows: Garrett Morris uses voodoo to get Chevy to fall down. Commercials attempt to draw students into The Dick Cavett School of Auto Refinishing and The Dick Cavett School of Hydroplane Operation. An accounting firm talks about just how far they'll go to lower their customers' tax bills. Dick Cavett does his version of "Our Town" about New York City, a swell place where crime is rampant and nothing works. Betty Ford gives a personal advice talk where she compares life's problems with dancing. Gary Weis presents a film about a tailor and a plastic surgeon altering each other. An author pitches his new book about pimping in Nebraska. For the Weekend Update, one of the reporters finally reaches Angola, where she is accosted by horny mercenaries, and Emily Litella expresses her displeasure over the Eagle Rights Amendment. Jimmy Cliff performs "The Harder They Come," "Many Rivers to Cross" and "Wahjaka Man".
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The host for the episode is Peter Boyle, and the musical guest is Al Jarreau. The skits for this episode are as follows: A restaurant customer in 1929 Chicago asks the waiter to park his car for him, sending the man into the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Peter Boyle sings a love song to his girlfriend for the opening monologue, oblivious to the fact that she's making out with another man. The Samurais decide to get divorced and must go about splitting their assets, as well as dividing custody of their daughter. Three little girls lip-sync a Natalie Cole song. A pair of drugged-out hippies invite their neighbor in after he receives some of their mail. Ricardo Montalban pitches a new car that seems to be falling apart. The Bees take on the Wasps in a tag-team wrestling match. A reporter interviews "Mr. X", Richard Nixon in disguise, over his new activities. Gary Weis presents a film of children reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Two Brando impersonators have a quote duel. A woman convinces her suspicious husband that all the men he finds in their house are actually household appliances. Garrett Morris recites an obscene valentine for a shocked Gilda Radner. For the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase comments on Patty Hearst and the Winter Olympics, while Emily Litella rants about money spent on canker research. Al Jarreau performs "We Got By" and "Somebody's Watching You".
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The host for the episode is Desi Arnaz, and the musical guest is Desi Arnaz, Jr. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Ford receives a word-association test from his psychiatrist that ends with him falling over. Desi Arnaz gives his opening monologue, in which he thanks the cast for the special cigars they gave him. Prisoner Ruben Carter talks about how he gets recognized in prison now because of his National Express card. A man receives consoling from his friends when his 40th birthday doesn't go as he had hoped. Vampire Luciana Vermicelli shares her beauty tips. Desi Arnaz recites Jabberwocky in a very heavy Cuban accent. Desi and his son share some of the initial failed ideas that were proposed before "I Love Lucy" was picked up by the network. An extremely white man named Very White attempts to perform a love song in a soul club. A gangster's wife, named Lucy, gives her husband the wrong gun. Lucy shares some of her more extreme costume ideas with Ethel before sneaking into Ricky's club. A Cuban acupuncture doctor uses cigars on his patients instead of needles. Lucy talks about the new book that her husband has coming out. Jane Curtain shares an important moment in American lesbian history. Desi Arnaz and Desi Arnaz, Jr. perform "Cuban Pete" and "Babalu".
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The host for the episode is Jill Clayburgh, and the musical guests are Leon Redbone and The Singing Idlers. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase, fed up with always starting the show by falling down, demands that he be given a chance to broaden his range. Jill Clayburgh talks about her date with Don Pardo, which Pardo keeps interrupting with game-show style patter. Garrett Morris announces that he, as a representative of black slavery, will accept white guilt payments. A series of great moments in women's history are presented. An accounting firm presents another tip to avoid taxes this year by turning your home into a church. Andy Kaufman sings along with a record of "Old McDonald" along with four people from the audience. A woman keeps asking her date what he's thinking about, only to surprise him when she tells him what she's really thinking about. A home movie sent in provides the first glimpse of a clay character named Mr. Bill. For the Weekend Update, Laraine Newman begins covering the election results in New Hampshire and Emily Litella gets upset over the deaf penalty. Leon Redbone performs "Ain't Misbehavin'" and "Big Time Woman". The Singing Idlers perform "Semper Paratus" and "Sea Cruise (with Jill Clayburgh)".
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The host for the episode is Anthony Perkins, and the musical guest is Betty Carter. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase delivers a long and rambling monologue in which he berates critics who claim the cast deliberately wastes time to fill up a 90-minute time slot. In his opening monologue, Anthony Perkins attempts to dispel the common perception that he is creepy, only to finish by eating a fly. President Ford shares his thoughts on marijuana usage. A new dominatrix cleaning service tries to whip lazy housewives into shape. Norman Bates pitches his new school of hotel management, only to be interrupted by his unseen mother. During the weekend update, John Belushi ponders why lions and lambs were chosen to represent March weather and what greater significance they may have, while Emily Litella gets upset over calls to preserve natural race horses. A student complains to her teacher about getting a literal Bee as her grade. A set of movie trailers advertise low-budget horror films in the style of Psycho. Other skits include land scarcity and intra-office extramarital romance. Betty Carter performs "Music, Maestro, Please", "Swing Brother Swing" and "I Can't Help It".
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The host for the episode is press secretary to President Ford Ron Nessen, and the musical guest is Patti Smith. The skits for this episode are as follows: The opening act features a return of the dead string quartet. Ron Nessen's opening monologue includes a message from the actual President Ford. An ad for the Bass o' Matic promises a new way for viewers to enjoy bass. Nessen asks the president for permission to appear on a new comedy show, then briefs his boss on his daily schedule. A string of jam advertisers pitch products with increasingly disgusting names, since they must taste good to sound so repulsive. A number of skits feature historic figures like Catherine the Great, Oedipus and Thomas Jefferson. During the Weekend Update, Emily Litella becomes upset over presidential erections. Gary Weis presents a film about the dumps that handle New York's garbage, and the men who work there. An ad pitches new Autumn Fizz carbonated douche. Billy Crystal performs a stand-up routine about the old-time jazz greats he used to know. Re-run ads pitch graffiti wallpaper and Try-hard batteries. Patti Smith performs "Gloria" and "My Generation".
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The host for the episode is Raquel Welch, and the musical guests are Phoebe Snow (her second appearance) and John Sebastian. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase presents the an award for best performance by a political actor, but becomes angered when he gets handed a card telling him to stop talking and just do the fall already. During Raquel Welch's monologue, she is joined by Joe Cocker in a duet performance of "Superstar". An ad pitches a new Purina pet food for rats. A spokesman from the U.S. Council of Standards and Measures presents a new streamlined metric alphabet. Two sportscasters present the results from the Claudine Longet Ski Invitational, in which every competitor gets 'accidentally' shot by Claudine as they go down the slope. During the weekend update, Laraine Newman looks at the results of the preliminary party elections and Baba Wawa complains about Tom Snyder's hair. Producer Lorne Michaels makes an offer to pay the Beatles $3000 if the come on the show to give a reunion performance. At a mental hospital, the Bees want to watch the Academy Awards, but the evil Nurse Ratched won't let them. Raquel Welch performs "Ain't Necessarily So", Phoebe Snow performs "All Over" and "Two-Fisted Love", John Sebastian performs "Welcome Back".
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The host for this episode is Madeline Kahn, and the musical guest is Carly Simon. The skits for this episode are as follows: Ronald Reagan attempts to demonstrate that he's in tune with modern black culture, only to get punched out by the musician he keeps inadvertently insulting. A preview for the upcoming series, Wilderness Comedian, presents a man who does stand-up comedy for animals. Baba Wawa attempts to interview Marlene Dietrich, but neither can understand what the other is saying. At a slumber party, several girls are disgusted by the thought of how babies are made. A spokesman for impoverished families in Namibia asks people to please donate their fondue sets. The Bride of Frankenstein gets up from her slab and sings "I Feel Pretty". During the Weekend Update, Emily Litella wonders why everyone is upset over violins on television. Pat Nixon drunkenly writes her memoirs about Richard's nervous breakdown during his final days in the White House. Madeline Kahn performs "Lost in the Stars" and Carly Simon performs "You're So Vain" and "Half a Chance".
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The host for the episode is Dyan Cannon, and the musical guests are Leon & Mary Russell. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase, lying on his back after a tremendous fall, is informed that the control room clock was running fast and he'll have to do it all again to get it on air. During her opening monologue, Dyan Cannon confesses to a lifelong dream of being swept off her feet by a man on a white horse, and during the rest of the show, different male cast members attempt to re-interpret its meaning to make themselves her dream man. A woman takes a taste test to see which is better: a new diet soda or a glass of phlegm. Participants in a hearing test don't notice that their teacher has been taken hostage by a pair of wanted criminals. A husband catches her wife having an affair, but the woman and her lover make up an outrageous story to explain everything. A Bulgarian travel agent attempts to convince a woman to vacation in Bulgaria. During the Weekend Update, a man claims to have a new version of Howard Hughes' will. Anita Bryant attempts to pitch Florida orange juice while being held hostage in Beirut. A priest tries to deliver a funeral eulogy, but is interrupted by a bad case of hiccups. Roy Waddmaker attempts to sell bathwater of the stars. A soldier gets berated by his drill sergeant for repeatedly flubbing his lines in a recruitment ad. A teenage girl is hoping to make an impression on her dream date, but her parents discover that her date is actually three Hell's Angels. In an home movie, a hubcap thief gets caught up in his work and dragged around town by an oblivious driver. Leon and Mary Russell perform "Satisfy You" and "Daylight"(with John Belushi as Joe Cocker).
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his second appearance), and the musical guest is Gordon Lightfoot. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase announces that because he broke his ankle accepting his Emmy Award, his fall will be done by Laraine Newman, but Laraine instead shoves him off the stage. Buck Henry is supposed to come on for his opening monologue, but is nowhere to be found; after a frantic search, the crew discovers that the security guards don't recognize him and won't let him in the building. Lounge singer Peter Lemon advertises a mood ring that changes color as he sings. The samurai tailor performs alterations on a customer's suit. The host of a call-in show tries to get more controversial when nobody calls him. A restaurant owner invites guest to try his all-toad cuisine. During the Weekend Update, the Patty Hearst trial is reenacted with fruit. Lorne Michaels repeats his offer to the Beatles, adding another $200 to the deal. Baba Wawa interviews film director Lina W. Gary Weis presents a film of Buck Henry interviewing people shopping for toilet seats. Jane Curtain interviews the author of a new sex book, only to find he is painfully shy. Garrett Morris sings "An Die Musik" and Michael O'Donaghue does an impression of Tony Orlando and Dawn with needles stuck in their eyes. Gordon Lightfoot performs "Summertime Dream" and "Spanish Moss".
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The host for the episode is Elliott Gould (his second appearance), and the musical guests are Leon Redbone (his second appearance), Harlan Collins and Joyce Everson. The skits for this episode include scenes inside a wax museum and a European poker player, as well as a presentation by Shirley Temple Black. Re-run ads inform viewers how they can join the fast-paced life of stand-by operators, and asks America to show their guns. A doctor warns a woman that she's been neglecting the proper care of her uvula. The crew of The Enterprise faces their final foe: network executives coming to announce that the series has been canceled. During the Weekend Update, Emily Litella lends Chevy Chase a hand in reading the news after one of the stories flops. An ad pitches the new Vibramatic personal massager for tense muscles. The Bees put on a performance of The Honeymooners. Leon Redbone performs "Shine On, Harvest Moon" and "Walking Stick" and Harlan Collins & Joyce Everson perform "Heaven Only Knows".
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The host for the episode is Louise Lasser, and the musical guest is The Preservation Hall Jazz Band. The skits for this episode are as follows: John Belushi and Chevy Chase have an argument over how the opening to the show should be done. After Louise Lasser's opening monologue, General Idi Amin comes on to warn viewers about the importance of checking oneself for V.D., using himself as an example of the effects of advanced-stage syphilis. In a parody of Swedish films, a couple involved in a secret affair fool death by sending him out for a pizza. An advertisement pitches potholders made from human hair. Chevy Chase presents the Weekend Update, with a special segment on Olga Korbut. Two teenage girls discuss the hazards of dating with a padded bra and whether they'd want to see a guy naked. The Preservation Hall Jazz Band performs "Panama".
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The host for the episode is Kris Kristofferson, and the musical guest is Rita Coolidge. The skits for this episode are as follows: Kris Kristofferson sings "Help Me Make It Through The Night" after Chevy Chase falls out of bed, where he was with musical guest Rita Coolidge. After Kris' monologue, secretary Sherry Norwalk talks about how she got a job at SNL helping the writers come up with ideas by having sex with them. The Samurai general practitioner treats one of his patients. Jesse Owens presents a set of commemorative medals honoring white athletes. A clip from a new TV show called Police State is shown, about two cops in Los Angeles who respond to every call by killing anyone they encounter and then talking about where to go eat. Kris Kristofferson talks about how viewers can overcome the handicap of a good education to become successful country music stars. Kris gets reunited with the original Bobby McGee, only to find that she's now become a straight-laced suburban housewife married to a jealous handbag salesman. A woman gets set up for a blind date, only to discover that the date is her gynecologist. Two tramps wait around for a mysterious philosopher named Pardo. Kris Kristofferson performs "I've Got a Life of My Own", Rita Coolidge performs " Hula Hoop", and together they perform "Eddie the Eunuch".
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The host for the episode is Lily Tomlin (her second appearance), and the musical guest is James Taylor. The skits for this episode are as follows: For the opening skit, everyone is waiting around for Lily Tomlin to arrive, but she shows up late and announces she's not going to bother rehearsing for the show. After Lily's opening monologue, she begins talking about what she really thinks of the show, thinking that her microphone is off. President Ford gets into a strange debate with Jimmy Carter. During the Weekend Update, Laraine Newman reports on an outbreak of Legionnaire's disease and Emily Litella wonders about crustaceans hijacking airplanes. Ernestine the operator talks about why phone service is unreliable and why they don't care. A housewife is persuaded to perform a series of increasingly bizarre stunts. Lily finishes the show performing The Antler Dance with the SNL band. James Taylor performs "Shower the People", "Road Runner" and "Sweet Baby James".
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The host for the episode is Norman Lear, and the musical guest is Boz Scaggs. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase, in the hospital after injuring himself in the previous episode, coaches Gilda Radner through the opening via telephone. Norman Lear gets to hear what the actors in his shows really think of him. Jimmy Carter discusses lust in his heart and looks forward to more lusting as president. Norman Lear reviews the pilot of a new show about a family of snake handlers in Pittsburgh. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain discusses the Ford-Carter debate, Patty Hearst's sentencing, Elton John's sexuality and the sex lives of nuns, while Laraine Newman reports from Times Square for the upcoming Jewish New Year. The women of SNL sing a get-well song for Chevy, wishing he would fall for them. A spokesman from the U.S. Council of Standards and Measures talks about the advantages of switching over to metric time. A divorce lawyer gets rough with his client while trying to make her claims sound believable. Boz Scaggs performs "Low Down" and "What Can I Say?"
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The host for the episode is Eric Idle, and the musical guests are Joe Cocker and Stuff. The skits for this episode are as follows: A Chevy Chase impersonator attempts to do the opening fall. Eric Idle starts to perform a song, but is convinced by Jane Curtain to put it off until the end of the show. A young couple discusses assembling their new child with the help of a geneticist who presents them with bizarre options. A DJ attempts to work two stations simultaneously, maintaining opposite personas for each one. Baba Wawa talks to America about why she's leaving NBC. During the Weekend Update, Jane discusses the Norton-Ali fight, while Garrett Morris reports on the circumcision of Michelangelo's David. The Rutles trick Lorne Michaels into giving them the money for the Beatles reunion. Dan Aykroyd and Eric Idle dress up in drag, only to be told by John Belushi that American audiences don't find it funny. Dan and Eric begin drag racing, running around the studio in women's clothing. Jacques Cousteau talks about the care and feeding of fish, pouring all sorts of items into his fish tank. Ken Norton insists that he's a better boxer than Ali, despite losing the close-fought match. Erica Viedonagen ponders whether comedians from outer space visited Earth in the past. Two college guys talk about their math test while playing Pong. Joe Cocker performs "You Are So Beautiful" and "Feelin' Alright" (with John Belushi). Stuff performs "Foots".
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The host for the episode is Karen Black, and the musical guest is John Prine. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase returns after his injury and is pushed out of his wheelchair by John Belushi. Karen Black talks about her son and great mothers in history during her opening monologue. Baba Wawa interviews Indira Gandhi. Ford and Carter have another unusual debate. A re-run ad pitches amazing new triple-bladed razors. Amish crime fighters help out victims when catching crooks quickly isn't a priority. A wife feeds her husband Green Cross cupcakes since they're guaranteed not to cause cancer. Catherine the Great takes her horse as her new lover. A high school loser meets up with a former cheerleader at the lunch counter at Woolworth's and completely fails to make a good impression. Mr. Bill goes to a party where he suffers a variety of physical abuse. John Belushi sings "One for the Road" while a caption lists the number of crimes he's committed. John Prine performs "Hello in There", "The Bottomless Lake" and "Ten Cents a Dance".
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin, and the musical guest is Kinky Friedman. The skits for this episode are as follows: The coach of the Yankees consoles his team after losing the World Series, and one of the players gives him their final decision. Chevy Chase attempts to make an endorsement for milk, but keeps adding in its less pleasant effects. An episode of Jeopardy from 1999 gives a look at some social changes in the future. During the Weekend Update, Chevy comments on Jimmy Carter's cross-dressing, the latest election poll results, a mafia funeral in a pizza oven, and a gorilla crashing an airplane. An ad features a new combination watch and German Shepherd. Several counter-culture acts perform in a late-50's beatnik cafй. Jane Curtain interviews the author of a book analyzing the connection between sexual activity and sports performance. Mary Tyler Moore gets murdered by Ted before their newscast as a prank. A new diet plan works by stranding dieters out in the wilderness with an Eskimo who steals their food. Kinky Friedman performs "Dear Abbie".
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his third appearance), and the musical guest is The Band. The skits for this episode are as follows: The land shark makes its return, pretending to be a late trick-or-treater. In his opening monologue, Buck Henry praises the cast for being able to perform so professionally in light of how absolutely messed up their personal lives are. The samurai stockbroker loses one of his clients after a string of bad advice. Baba Wawa has a joint interview with First Ladies Betty Ford and Rosalynn Carter. Garrett Morris discuss his own roots, including some famous ancestors. Ford and Carter have another debate, this time in the form of a beauty pageant. During the Weekend Update, Chevy Chase presents some campaign ads that haven't been used yet, while Jane Curtain announces that Chevy will soon be leaving the show. A warlock pitches the new Bat-o-Matic potion maker. Ambassador Thorne searches for the real parents of Damien, the son of Satan. Garrett gives a report from the grave of Houdini for the 50th anniversary of his death and sees a ghost. Mr. Mike tells a bedtime story about a little Eskimo boy who freezes to death. The Band performs "Life is a Carnival", "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down", "Stage Fright" and "Georgia On My Mind".
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The host for the episode is Dick Cavett (his second appearance), and the musical guest is Ry Cooder. The skits for this episode are as follows: The Chroma-Trak girl gets her colors mixed up during broadcast. Dick Cavett fields questions from the audience during his opening monologue. John Dean looks back on Nixon trying to frame him for Watergate. During the Weekend Update, Laraine Newman reports on the death and cremation of Smokey the Bear. A marine walks down the street, looking to pick up a few good men. A psychiatrist makes house calls. The Bees talk about how they were able to overcome discrimination. Mr. Mike tells a bedtime story about a blind chicken. A pair of scientists look into the question of why some words are funnier than others. Ry Cooder performs "Tattler" and "He'll Have To Go".
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The host for the episode is Paul Simon (his second appearance), and the musical guest is George Harrison. The skits for this episode are as follows: George Harrison feels that he should receive the $3000 Lorne Michaels promised the Beatles for appearing on the show, while Paul Simon has doubts about the costume he's been asked to wear. Paul Simon starts to sing "Still Crazy After All These Years" dressed as a turkey, but gives up halfway through and tells Lorne he won't do it. A housewife raves about mineral-packed Quarry cereal. Baba Wawa interviews Henry Kissenger. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on contraceptives, expenditures by the Carter campaign, Morris the Cat's attempted suicide, and a new strain of gonorrhea. Rod Serling presents an episode of the Twilight Zone in which three actresses end up in a motel room with a television show presenter. A violent renegade named Billy Paul fights racism at an ice cream parlor. Paul Simon performs "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover", "Something So Right" and "Bridge Over Troubled Water". Paul Simon and George Harrison perform "Here Comes the Sun" and "Homeward Bound". George Harrison performs "Crackerbox Palace" and "This Song".
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The host for the episode is Jodie Foster, and the musical guest is Brian Wilson. The skits for this episode are as follows: Gilda Radner opens the show to explain why she won't be appearing much, while caption explain that she's been fired. Jodie Foster explains in her opening monologue that she's treated just like every other guest even though she's just 14. Chevy Chase advertises convenient feedbag dinners. Two Bees come into a girl's room claiming they're Peter Pan and Tinkerbee. Jodie demonstrates the new Puberty Helper to get teens through their awkward years. A man tries to get through the security gate at the airport, but his personal fetish causes a problem. An SNL fan is interviewed on why he likes the program. A schoolgirl with a crush on her teacher tries to say goodbye for the summer. For his 50th birthday, the cast re-enact the life of Don Pardo. A man is shocked to discover that his wife of six years isn't black. Mr. Mike tells Jodie a story about a little train that died. Brian Wilson performs "Back Home", "Love is a Woman" and "Good Vibrations".
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The host for the episode is Candice Bergen (her third appearance), and the musical guest is Frank Zappa. The skits for this episode are as follows: For the opening, Patty Hearst enjoys a Christmas back with her family. Instead of doing her opening monologue, Candice Bergen hides in her dressing room and has to be coaxed out by John Belushi doing a Humphrey Bogart impression. President-elect Carter admits he can't follow through on all the things he promised during the campaign. A pitchman convinces a woman to use Santi-Wrap before sitting on the lap of a disreputable Santa. Irwin Mainway defends the safety of his company's obviously unsafe toys. A re-run ad promotes saving money with your own pricing gun. A woman defends her right to be extremely stupid. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain's husband urges her to quit SNL and come home, after which Jane comments on Amy Carter, Olga Korbut's marriage and the killing of Rudolph the Reindeer, while Emily Litella doesn't think people should give money to unisex. Candice advertises an instant camera that dispenses cheese slices. Two police officers investigate a string of murders perpetrated by trees. Candice announces that John has no place to spend Christmas and asks someone to adopt him for the holiday. The cast perform a song hoping that Gary Gilmore gets his wish to be executed as soon as possible. Frank Zappa performs "The Slime", "Lagoon" and "Peaches & Regalia".
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The host for the episode is Ralph Nader, and the musical guest is George Benson. The skits for this episode are as follows: Ralph Nader announces that he's going to relax and have fun for this week's show, but soon begins lecturing everyone on safety hazards throughout the studio. During Ralph's opening monologue, he rails against NBC's parent corporation, RCA, only to be cut off by a technical glitch. A grandfather waiting for his grandson to call starts ranting about the boy's thoughtlessness. A convict goes through a dress rehearsal for a televised execution. Baba Wawa pitches her new show featuring her talking to herself. Ralph has a dream in which President Carter explains his plan to revive the Confederacy. During the Weekend Update, John Belushi calls in to complain that nobody's visited him in the hospital and gets upset that everyone is so happy that Bill Murray has joined the cast, Jane Curtain reports on the change in administrations and the sentencing of Claudine Longet, and Emily Litella wonders why people want to make Puerto Rico a steak. Andy Kaufman performs several Elvis songs. Beldar and Prymaat Conehead explain the family's origins to their daughter Connie before her big date. Ralph performs stress tests on inflatable sex dolls. Teens ask Ralph questions about himself and his work that belie their lack of awareness. George Benson performs "Masquerade" and "Gonna Love You More".
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The host for the episode is Ruth Gordon, and the musical guest is Chuck Berry. The skits for this episode are as follows: John Belushi's doctor announces that he will cut off the cast's drug supply if they don't put John in tonight's show. Barbra Streisand performs a song that's all about herself. Emily Litella visits with her sister to talk about current events. Dino De Laurentis gives an interview with Tom Snyder about his new remake of King Kong, claiming that his ape was much easier to work with than the original Kong. During the Weekend Update, Laraine Newman interviews President Carter's mother, and Jane Curtain reports on the inauguration, a restaurant hold up, and elections in India, then scolds Emily Litella for not preparing a report this week. In a Gary Weis film, Garrett Morris' girlfriend complains about his long absences. An elderly woman takes a job as a hooker. A little girl and her babysitter compare notes on where babies come from. Mr. Bill gets chopped apart by Sluggo the Magician. Ricky Jay performs several magic tricks for the audience. E. Buzz Miller gets turned on by an anthropologist's film about a remote native tribe. Mr. Mike tells a bedtime story about a worm who gets run over by a truck. Chuck Berry performs "Johnny B. Goode" and "Marie & Carol".
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The host for the episode is Fran Tarkenton, and the musical guests are Leo Sayer and The Donny Harper Singers. The skits for this episode are as follows: John Belushi gives Fran Tarkenton a pre-game pep talk. Bill Murray provides color commentary as Fran sings "Feelings" for his opening monologue. A salesman pitches multi-purpose Swiss Army guns. Amy Carter goes to class and uses the Secret Service to cheat on a quiz. A football coach sends his player back in the game, despite his missing a limb. Garrett Morris interviews Fran on the subject of black quarterbacks. A husband and wife open a restaurant in their home, but their constant fighting disrupts the mood. Fran pitches an anabolic steroid cereal. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain responds to critics who don't think the show is sexy enough, and comments on women priests and Gerald Ford's post-president activities. An appeal to the community is made to help get John Belushi off the streets. John and Fran do a sketch in a hotel room together, but John keeps trying to show Fran how to do it right. An ad presents perfumes tailored to different types of women. A woman tries to explain her purchases to a credit claims reviewer, but they end up in a one-upmanship competition. Leo Sayer performs "When I Need You" and "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing", and The Donny Harper Singers perform "Sing a Song".
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There's no host for this broadcast. Randy Newman is the musical guest for this episode, which is performed live in New Orleans for the Mardi Gras celebration. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Carter attempts to inspire Americans with a speech delivered from the rear end of a statue of Andrew Jackson on his horse, while Rosalyn frets over the fact that Jimmy has been up there for two days. For his opening monologue, Randy Newman sings about the floods that damaged New Orleans, then announces that SNL teams are in place to cover the passing of the Bacchus Parade. Jane Curtain and Buck Henry report on the crowds in the street, then watch the traditional 'Let's hit Al Hirt in the Mouth with a Brick!' contest, in which Al Hirt gets pelted with debris as he attempts to play the trumpet. A repeat ad pitches Quarry, the breakfast cereal made entirely of minerals. Three women complain about the lack of men at the parade, then get picked up by a gang of biker bees. Garrett Morris performs a selection of songs by Fats Domino, but can only play the same bar of music for each. A Gary Weis film features an interview with a man who paints above-ground tombs in a cemetery. Tom Snyder stands in front of the Pink Lady strip club, where he interviews a bouncer named Honker and a dancer named Velocity. As Buck and Jane continue to wait for the Bacchus Parade to arrive, Baba Wawa interviews Henry Winkler on how he separates his own persona from his character, The Fonz. Ricky Mussolini performs a re-enactment of his grandfather's historic visit to New Orleans. Eric Idle attempts to interview Mardi Gras revelers, but the French Quarter cafй he's in is completely deserted. Another Gary Weis film shows a montage of signs all using the word Dixie. Penny Marshall reports from the Krewe of Apollo Ball, where all the attendees, both dйbutantes and escorts, are men. Stanley Kowalski stands in the street shouting for Stella, only to find he's in front of the wrong building. Paul Schaffer sings the Antler Dance song, while Mr. Mike dances and gets pelted with objects from the crowds. For the Weekend Update, Garrett Morris receives the combination to the city from Mayor Landrieau, Evel Kenivel jumps the Mardi Gras parade in his hospital bed, Larraine Newman interviews a man carrying on the Mardi Gras tradition of taping mice to his eyes, and Emily Litella interviews a liver-boat captain. Captain Jean Lafitte insists that, despite his historical reputation, he is not a pirate. Back at the Krewe of Apollo Ball Penny Williams and Cindy Marshall report on the crowning of the Queen of the Ball. Back on the parade route, Buck and Jane give up on the Bacchus Parade showing up, and wish everyone a good night. Randy Newman performs "Louisiana 1927", "Marie", "Kingfish" and "Sail Away", and The New Leviathan Oriental Fox Trot Orchestra performs "Rebecca Came Back From Mecca".
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his second appearance), and the musical guest is The Kinks. The skits for this episode are as follows: Steve gets hostility from the cast over his treatment of Gilda since the last show. For his opening monologue, Steve gets happy feet, talks about his goals, then mentions what drugs he and the cast are going to take after the show. The Coneheads receive a visit from the IRS. Jackie Onassis enters a celebrity weightlifting contest. A diet book promises weight loss by using the pages of the book itself as meals. A doctor advises parents to pull the plug on their comatose son, only to have him wake up just as they are about to do it. A celebrity bingo game can't get started because all the time is wasted making introductions. Alex Haley talks about some of his lesser known ancestors. A couple who meet in a singles bar share all the same bizarre quirks. The Kinks perform "You Really Got Me Going", "All Day And All of the Night", "Well-Respected Man", "Lola" and "Sleepwalker".
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The host for the episode is Sissy Spacek, and the musical guest is Richard Baskin. The skits for this episode are as follows: Following the death of director Dave Wilson, the show's future is in jeopardy. Sissy Spacek performs a baton twirling scene that was cut from Carrie. A burger restaurant prepares burgers according to the customers' bizarre specifications. President Carter answers call-in questions with very specific answers. A doctor is interviewed about a condition called quintlexia, which he suffers from. John Belushi announces that he's retiring from show business to train for the Olympic decathlon. During the Weekend Update, Muhammad Ali announces that he's making his own Rocky-style movie, and Emily Litella wonders why anyone cares about endangered feces. Al Franken and Tom Davis report the news live from World War III. Three women suffer from Gidget's Disease, causing intolerable cuteness. Leonard Pinth-Garnell presents 'The Millkeeper', a Bad Playhouse Production. Richard Baskin performs "One I Love You" (with Sissy Spacek) and "City of One Night Stands".
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The host for the episode is Broderick Crawford, and the musical guests are Levon Helm, Dr. John and The Meters. The skits for this episode are as follows: Rhonda Weiss and the Rhondettes sing a goodbye song to saccharine. Broderick Crawford recounts his first failed attempt to work for NBC. The samurai hit-man carries out his work disguised as a chef at Benihana. Mel's Hide Heaven lets people pick the animal they want their clothes made from. Bill Murray makes a plea to the audience for more support. A parody of I Love Lucy has Lucy putting whipped cream on nuclear warheads as they come down a conveyor belt and not being able to keep up. During the Weekend Update, John Belushi talks about the luck of the Irish and whips himself into a raging frenzy. A Siamese twin holds his twin brother hostage in a police standoff. Baba Wawa does an interview with Godzilla. President Nixon seeks advice and solace from J. Edgar Hoover. Dr. John performs "Sing, Sing, Sing", Levon Helm performs "Ain't That a Lot of Love" and The Meters perform "I Got to Get My Name Up in Lights".
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The host for the episode is Jack Burns, and the musical guest is Santana. The skits for this episode are as follows: John Belushi holds the network hostage and has to be tricked into saying the opening lines. Jack Burns gets to touch himself during the opening monologue. The Farbers invite the Coneheads over for drinks and dinner. A marine couple is married by a tough chaplain. Eliot Ness overthrows Indira Gandhi as part of the Untouchables. During the Weekend Update, the winners of the Oscars are announced from envelopes stolen before the ceremony. A pharmacist prescribes leeches for all his customers. Jack ruins a skit about a despondent businessman committing suicide and the rest of the cast all heckle him. Ricardo Montalban introduces a panty-gram service to send messages to friends and loved ones. Santana performs "Black Magic Woman" and "Europa".
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The host for the episode is Julian Bond, and the musical guests are Tom Waits and Brick. The skits for this episode are as follows: Emily Litella sings that her lover makes her feel like a national woman. An accountant advertises his tax preparation services from behind bars. On Black Perspectives, Julian Bond explains that light-skinned blacks are smarter than dark-skinned blacks. The mysterious Dr. X helps counsel a family through their problems. A model for Ebony advertises a hair lustre that comes in a fist-shaped can. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain is drowned out by the noise of a passing Concorde. In an ad for soup, the narrator forces a little girl to stick corn up her nose. Leonard Plith-Garnell reviews bad cinema. The Farbers talk to Julian Bond about racial tolerance. Mr. Mike tells his version of the Brer Rabbit story to Uncle Remus, in which the folk hero is skinned and eaten. Patti Smith talks about censorship in a Gary Weis film. George Wallace tries to rehabilitate the South's tarnished image. Tom Waits performs "Eggs & Sausages" and Brick performs "Dazz".
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The host for the episode is Eliott Gould (his third appearance), and the musical guests are Kate & Anna McGarrigle and Roslyn Kind. The skits for this episode are as follows: Soviet Premier Brezhnev negotiates an appearance on the Tonight Show. Eliot Gould sings "The Castration Walk" for his open monologue. The Coneheads have 35 phones installed in their house, and receive an emissary from Remulak who asks about their progress. A men's advocacy group offers inspirational advice for men, as well as a rape hot-line. During the Weekend Update, Bill Murray reports on an anti-porn rally, while John Belushi describes weather for shut-ins. Lounge singer Nick performs for a resort audience. A face bank keeps donated faces to give to the faceless. A Gary Weis film shows fights at sporting events to the tune of "America the Beautiful". A customer must go through a series of strict security tests to use an ATM. Kate & Anna McGarrigle perform "Kiss & Say Goodbye" and "Heart Like a Wheel". Roslyn Kind performs "I'm Not Anyone".
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The host for the episode is Eric Idle (his second appearance), and the musical guests are Alan Price and Neil Innes. The skits for this episode are as follows: A British soldier interrogates an Irish prisoner by torturing a potato. During his opening monologue, Eric Idle joins the Queen in hosting a telethon to help save England, and over the course of the show manages to raise $20. The pot growers of America urge everyone to buy locally. Nixon gives an interview to David Frost but turns out to be terribly boring. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on an iceberg floating from Antarctica, Alex Haley being accused of plagiarism, and Groucho Marx's former manager, Bill Murray talks about punishing schoolgirls, and Emily Litella confesses her love for Tom Snyder. Two boxers face off to get the most laughs. A low budget film depicts the Battle of Britain. A host and guest conduct an interview based solely of nonsense words. Alan Price performs "Poor People" and Neil Innes performs "Cheese & Onions" and "Shangri-La".
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The host for the episode is Shelley Duvall, and the musical guest is Joan Armatrading. The skits for this episode are as follows: The opening act is interrupted by an announcement that NBC wants to get their money's worth out of the recent Bobick-Norton fight by replaying it at the start of every show. The women of the show sing as the Video Vixens. A bank robber is upset that his disguise isn't as good as those of the other members of his gang. Three women are joined in a restaurant by three men arguing over which one is Ricardo Montalban. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on David Frost's presidential interviews, Patty Hearst's personal life and Roy Roger's funeral plans, while boxer Duane Bobick makes a plea for better civil rights so blacks will stop beating up white people, and Emily Litella fails to show up for her commentary. Elvis tries his hand at Shakespeare. Baba Wawa interviews Richard Burton on the subject of Elizabeth Taylor. Leonard Plith-Garnell reviews bad ballet. Members of the Moonies start turning violent. Joan Armatrading performs "Love & Affection" and "Down to Zero".
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his third appearance), and the musical guest is Jackson Browne. The skits for this episode are as follows: Burt Lance, President Carter's budget management director, pitches the National Express charge card after being asked to resign. During his opening monologue, Steve Martin promotes his new album and confesses that his cat has been embezzling from him. An ad introduces a watch so complex that it requires two people to operate it. The wild and crazy Festrunk brothers try to pick up two girls in their apartment rec room. A defense attorney berates a rape victim on the witness stand, then chuckles about it afterward. A great moment in rock history is commemorated: Roy Orbison standing completely still while singing in sunglasses. An ad promotes the Royale Deluxe II, a sedan that rides smoothly enough for a rabbi to perform a circumcision in the back seat at 40mph. Jackson Browne performs "Runnin' on Empty" and "The Pretender".
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The host for the episode is Madeline Kahn (her second appearance), and the musical guest is Taj Mahal. The skits for this episode are as follows: After the opening monologue, a man talks about his favorite drink: Swill, a mineral water straight from Lake Erie. Leonard Plinth-Garnell provides a review of bad opera. The cast announces the first "Anyone Can Host" contest, in which a viewer from home will be chosen to host the show. Bianca Jagger talks with some of her close friends. A show takes a retrospective of the acid generation and tracks down where they've gone. Madeline Kahn sings Silver Balls and Golden Pins". Taj Mahal performs "Queen Bee".
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The host for the episode is Hugh Hefner, and the musical guest is Libby Titus. The skits for this episode are as follows: A Playboy bunny flubs a number of party jokes. For his opening monologue, Hugh Hefner comes out in his pajamas and sings "Thank Heaven for Little Girls". A housewife praises her new soap that contains tranquilizers. The Planet of the Men does battle with the Planet of the Women in genital-shaped spacecraft. The X-Police burst in on a couple smoking pot and brutally beat them. The host of a music appreciation show starts hallucinating to Wagner. During the Weekend Update, Jane and Dan report on Howard Cosell and abortion rights, while Nadia Comaneci asks everyone to come see her while she's still cute. Hugh presents a deleted sex scene from "The First Mrs. Kimball". A magician tries to cheer up an audience at a funeral. The Farbers pay a visit to a Playboy club. Libby Titus performs "Fool That I Am".
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The host for the episode is Charles Grodin, and the musical guest is Paul Simon (his third appearance, but first as the musical guest). The skits for this episode are as follows: The opening starts with Charles Grodin missing his rehearsal. The Coneheads celebrate Halloween giving out beer and fried eggs to children. Irwin Mainway of Mainway Toys comes in to defend his products against accusations that they're unsafe. The Samurai dry cleaner deals with his customers. The Bees go out for some trick-or-treating. Judy Miller, instructed by her mother to stay in her room, puts on a show for everyone. Paul Simon performs "Slip Sliding Away", "The Sound of Silence" (with Charles Grodin as Art Garfunkel), and "You're Kind".
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The host and musical guest for the episode is Ray Charles. The skits for this episode are as follows: The Godfather discusses with Tom Hagen the effects of letting NBC do a series about their life, and whether they should allow this to continue. During his opening monologue, Ray Charles talks about what SNL had to do to get him to come on the show. President Carter delivers a message to the United States. Howdy Doody's widow talks about life with the former star. Tom Snyder talks about returning to New York and interviews Ray Charles. Evelyn Woodski offers people the opportunity to learn how to read slower. A burglary takes place during a blackout. Mr. Mike tries to trick Ray with a fake painting, only to have Ray reveal he has a trick planned of his own. Ray Charles performs "I Can See Clearly Now", "What'd I Say" and "Oh What a Beautiful Morning", as well as a medley of his other works.
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his fifth appearance), and the musical guest is Leon Redbone (his third appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Gilda and Garrett introduce the five finalists in the "Anyone Can Host" contest, including an 80-year-old grandmother from New Orleans and the governor of South Dakota. During his opening segment, Buck Henry greets and interviews the five finalists. John Belushi credits his success in the decathlon to eating little chocolate donuts. The samurai psychiatrist commits suicide after angering his patient. A stunt baby stands in for an abuse scene in place of the actor baby. A motel sanitizing team shows how they clean each room. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd report on the Egypt-Israel peace talks, Jimmy Hoffa, and new breakthroughs in genetics, while Laraine Newman interviews the five finalists and Baba Wawa talks about meeting Omar Sharif in Jerusalem. A group of Russians on a train go through a series of overlapping flashbacks. Mr. Mike hosts the Rickey Rat Club. Leon Redbone performs "Champagne Charlie" and "Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone".
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The host for the episode is Mary Kay Place, and the musical guest is Willie Nelson. The skits for this episode are as follows: At the start of the show, the cast decides to make this episode the peppiest ever. A perfume called Hey You is advertised as perfect for one-night stands. A speaker talks about dangerous and harmful insects. Leonard Plinth-Garnell gives his reviews of bad musicals. Bobbi Farber talks about the meaning of Hanukkah. Willie Nelson performs "Whiskey River", Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain" and "Something to Brag About" (with Mary Kay Place).
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The show was notable for Elvis Costello and the Attractions beginning their song "Less than Zero" about British wartime fascist leader Oswald Mosley then quickly stopping it, with Elvis announcing "I'm sorry, Ladies and Gentlemen, there's no reason to do this song here". This apparently led to Costello's being barred from SNL for over 10 years.
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his fourth appearance), and the musical guests are Randy Newman (his second appearance) and the Dirt Band. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Carter gives his State of the Union address, but the members of Congress are bored by it. During his opening monologue, Steve Martin accuses John Belushi of stealing from him, then explains how to avoid paying taxes. A forest ranger talks with a mountaineer without realizing the man is actually Bigfoot. The Festrunk brothers meet up with their computer dates from Croatia. An ad for a new Swedish body floss promises to make hygiene fun. The Coneheads go on Family Feud and win by picking things that people bite. Steve gives tours of the homes of his close friends, but never actually goes inside. A panel discusses the possibilities of Napoleon possessing a B-52 bomber. The Dirt Band performs "On the Loose With the Blues" and "White Russia", and Randy Newman performs "Short People" and "Rider in the Rain".
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The host for the episode is Robert Klein (his second appearance), and the musical guest is Bonnie Raitt. The skits for this episode are as follows: Mr. Mike sings with Tina Turner and tells a story about a rabbit that gets mangled in factory machinery. For his opening monologue, Robert Klein talks about anti-Semitism at his old college. The Olympia diner serves only cheeseburgers, Pepsi and chips. The X-police burst in on a couple for cohabitating, kill the girlfriend and frame the boyfriend for murder. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on a nuclear-powered satellite that crashed into a Nova Scotia lobsterbed, and Roseanne Roseannadanna explains what an aneurysm is. Nick the lounge singer performs badly for a ski lodge. As the rest of the show continues, reports of monster lobsters start coming in, until the studio is overrun and by them and everyone killed. Bonnie Raitt performs "Runaway" and "Give It All Up or Let Me Go" (with Robert Klein).
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The host for the episode is Chevy Chase, and the musical guest is Billy Joel. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Ford returns to give a rebuttal to Ronald Reagan's comments on the Suez Canal. Chevy Chase uses his opening monologue to milk the audience for applause. An ad pitches a new way to preserve moths by mashing them. A couple discusses what just happened after their one-night stand. During the Weekend Update, Chevy tricks Dan Aykroyd into giving him the anchor spot, and John Belushi gives a commentary on boxing that gets him so wound up he attacks Jane Curtain. A trainee customs inspector misses a pair of smugglers carrying cocaine. A priest of the Church of Confusion gives a sermon that rambles in circles. Two German soldiers behind enemy lines answer a series of baseball questions to prove they're actually American. For the final skit, several different endings are tried out. Billy Joel performs "Only the Good Die Young" and "Just the Way You Are".
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The host for the episode is O.J. Simpson, and the musical guest is Ashford & Simpson. The skits for this episode are as follows: Gilda Radner opens the show by answering questions supposedly from the audience. O.J. Simpson gives him opening monologue dressed as a Conehead. Samurai Futaba goes to a disco. Babe Ruth promises a dying child that he'll hit a home run for him, and then fails to do so. A pitchman touts the advantages of a hair clipper made especially for Mohawks. Al Franken attempts to tell jokes despite suffering from a brain tumor. E. Buzz Miller presents several clips of animals having sex, and gets increasingly turned on by them. O.J. reprises his famous Hertz car rental ad. Ashford & Simpson perform "So, So Satisfied", and "Don't Cost You Nothing".
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The host for the episode is Art Garfunkel, and the musical guest is Stephen Bishop. The skits for this episode are as follows: During Art Garfunkel's opening monologue, one of the speakers goes out during his song, prompting John Belushi to come on stage and start ranting about the show getting short shrift from the network managers, then accuse Art of backstabbing when the singer wants to just brush off the mishap and try again without causing a fuss. Tom Snyder presents another installment of the Tomorrow show. The Nerds Todd DiLaMuca and Lisa Loopner talk about the books they like. John, as an elderly man, goes to the graveyard where all the other SNL cast members are buried and reminisces on how they died. Andy Kaufmann appears in his British Man character and begins reading from to the audience from The Great Gatsby, only to be met with heckling. Stephen Bishop performs "On & On" and Art Garfunkel performs "All I Know", Scarborough Fair" and "Crying In My Sleep".
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The host for the episode is Jill Clayburgh (her second appearance), and the musical guest is Eddie Money. The skits for this episode are as follows: Garrett Morris does a performance of "Danny Boy". An ad features the Royal Deluxe, a car smooth enough to perform circumcisions in the backseat while driving. At the Olympia diner, a new waitress finds the place hard to adjust to, while a woman who wants to put an ad in the window runs into difficulties. Leaonard Plinth-Garnell presents his reviews of bad one-man theater. Richard Herkiman puts on a performance from his shower. Beldar Conehead has an affair with a human woman, but soon after Prymaat catches him, her own affair with a human man is revealed. Eddie Money performs "Baby Hold On" and "Two Tickets to Paradise"
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The host for the episode is Christopher Lee, and the musical guest is Meatloaf. The skits for this episode are as follows: After Christopher Lee's monologue, a series of movie trailers promote some upcoming films. Baba Wawa makes an appearance in a production of My Fair Lady. Death comes to apologize to a little girl for taking away her dog, and the pair get into a long conversation over why he has to do what he does. Dell Stator invites customers to visit his Rabbit Hut. Mr. Bill goes to the circus, where he suffers all manner of abuse. Meatloaf performs "All Revved Up & No Place To Go" and "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad".
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The host for the episode is Michael Palin, and the musical guest is Eugene Record. The skits for this episode are as follows: For his opening monologue, Michael Palin comes out as a manager trying to stall for time while the real Michael is getting ready, and proceeds to put on a song and dance that has him stuffing cats down his pants. John Belushi pitches Little Chocolate Donuts. H&L Brock demonstrate just how far they'll go to save money on taxes. Lisa Loopner chases Todd out of the room so she can take her piano lesson in peace, but her teacher then attempts to kiss her. Mr Bill tries to pay his taxes, but ends up getting mangled and beaten again. Eugene Record performs "Have You Seen Her?" and "Trying to Get to You".
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The host for the episode is Michael Sarrazin, and the musical guests are Keith Jarrett and Gravity. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Carter delivers a special message for the viewers at home. After Michael Sarrazin's opening monologue, a re-run ad pitches Angora Bouquet, a skin soap that contains tranquilizers. E Buzz Miller presents a series of exercise tips with his assistant, but each suggestion is another opportunity for him to make lewd comments. Gilda Radner appears in a European-style art film about a beloved actress trying to run away from the hectic life of fame. Keith Jarrett performs two instrumental pieces.
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his fifth appearance), and the musical guest is The Blues Brothers (their second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Concert promoter Don Kirschner presents footage of an old club performance by The Blues Brothers. For his opening monologue, Steve Martin talks about the inspiration for his comedy ideas, then does a magic act that ends with him tackling and beating a member of the audience. The Festrunk brothers prepare their apartment for the two girls they believe are on the way, but their neighbor Cliff tells them they've been stood up. Medieval doctor Theodoric of York treats a series of patients by draining their blood. A man and woman catch each other's notice in a crowded club, and dance together romantically as the rest of the club freezes in place around them. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd debate abortion, Jane reports on Carter's energy policy and a new nasal contraceptive, and Dan berates Garrett Morris for short-changing him on the weed he bought. Steve performs a song about King Tut. The Nerds Todd and Lisa prepare their science fair projects. The Blues Brothers perform "I Don't Know".
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The host for the episode is Richard Dreyfuss, and the musical guests are Jimmy Buffett and Gary Tigerman. The skits for this episode are as follows: A presentation on Paraquat shows how the chemically treated marijuana makes its way into the U.S. Richard Dreyfuss performs Hamlet for his opening monologue after John Belushi taunts him over his Best Actor Oscar, but ends up in a fight with John instead. A man obsessed with a tower-like vision he had sees Beldar Conehead in a TV commercial and rushes to the Conehead household just as an emissary is arriving from Remulak. Dreyfuss tests viewers on their knowledge of sex. During the Weekend Update, Bill Murray heckles Richard Dreyfuss during his review of the Oscar winners, and Jane Curtain snaps at Roseanne Roseannadanna for getting sidetracked about rude bodily functions. Nick the lounge singer entertains couples at a honeymoon resort. David Susskind interviews celebrities together with their mothers. Father Guido Sarducci gives the report on things at the Vatican. Jimmy Buffett performs "Son of a Son of a Sailor", Gary Tigerman performs "White Oaxacan Moon", and Richard Dreyfuss performs "I Want to Be Seduced".
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his sixth appearance), and the musical guest is Sun Ra. The skits for this episode are as follows: Richard Nixon asks viewers to please buy his book so they can kick it as much as they'd like to kick him. Todd DiLaBounta takes Lisa Loopner to the prom, along with his father and Mrs. Loopner. The Samurai TV repairman attempts to fix a customer's television by slicing it with his sword. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd start their debate by first debating over who gets to represent which side. At the Olympia grill, Pete decides to get a guard dog, and promptly fires a very confused Nico to make room. Mr. Mike sings a song about baby ghouls. A stunt puppy fills in for the star dog when a movie scene calls for it to be beaten up. Leonard Plinth-Garnell reviews bad conceptual art. Tom Davis reveals that he and Al Franken are actually gay lovers. Sun Ra performs "Space Is The Place" and "Space-Lonliness".
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The hosts and musical guests for the episode are The Rolling Stones (their first appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: New York Mayor Ed Koch opens the show by awarding John Belushi a certificate of merit for his work in Animal House, but John is unimpressed by the gesture. An ad pitches Autoscent, a perfume to put in the engine of your car. Tom Snyder interviews Mick Jagger for the Tomorrow show and talks with him about dancing, barbecues and wearing women's clothing. A repairman with sagging pants comes to the Loopner's house to fix the refrigerator while Todd and Lisa are discussing their homework. President Carter attempts to negotiate a peace treaty between the Beatles. The Battle of the Network T's and A's puts large-breasted actresses in sports events. The Rolling Stones perform "Shattered", "Beast of Burden" and "Respectable".
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The host for the episode is Fred Willard, and the musical guest is Devo. The skits for this episode are as follows: The opening act is interrupted by a honker in the audience. Aging stuntman Cliff Preston attempts to do his job but doesn't move as fast as he used to. During the Weekend Update, Dan Aykroyd rants about the NFL's new cheerleader uniforms, paying particular attention to the disgusting ways in which the outfits are designed to arouse male viewers. Mainway toys again attempts to defend the quality of its products. Mr. Bill visits New York only to get ripped apart by an escalator and dropped from the top of the Empire State Building. A new store, The Scotch Boutique, sells nothing but tape, and is having a hard time staying in business. Devo performs "Satisfaction" and "Jocko Homo".
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The host and musical guest for the episode is Frank Zappa (his second appearance, the first as host). The skits for this episode are as follows: NBC President Fred Silverman opens the show by announcing that all of their viewer research indicates that everyone wants to see more Frank Zappa, so the network is signing Zappa to an extended TV contract. Zappa performs "Dancing Fool" for his opening monologue and picks up a member of the audience to go home with. Connie Conehead has a date with Frank Zappa, so Beldar helps to entertain while Connie gets ready to go out. During the Weekend Update, Father Guido Sarducci reports on the latest developments from The Vatican. Mr. Bill moves into his new home, but is soon mangled by Sluggo and Mr. Hands. Frank Zappa performs "Meek" and "Rollo".
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his sixth appearance), and the musical guest is Van Morrison. The skits for this episode are as follows: Desperate after his austerity measures have failed to halt inflation, President Carter attempts to encourage Americans to welcome inflation as a wonderful new opportunity to be a millionaire. Despite Elvis' death, his coat continues to perform the King's classic hits to packed audiences. Theodoric of York treats his patients with bleeding and other crude remedies. The Festrunk brothers continue trying to pick up swinging American girls. Todd DiLaMuca visits Lisa Loopner in the hospital, but a jealous fight breaks out when rival nerd Charles Knerlman shows up with Lisa's homework. Jane Curtain interviews the author of the book "Mauled", who talks of his experiences being savagely attacked by bears. Steve Martin apologizes to the audience when the final skit has to be cut short because of time restrictions. Van Morrison performs "Wavelength" and "Kingdom Hall".
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his seventh appearance), and the musical guest is The Grateful Dead. The skits for this episode are as follows: Candidate Hunkler discusses his campaign strategy, particularly which pitfalls he needs to avoid. Buck Henry's opening monologue is replaced with previews for Star Wars. A spokesman for the Rovco Ranch invites customers to raise their own fur animals. The samurai optometrist fits a customer for a new pair of glasses. A couple leaves their two young girls with Uncle Roy, a pedophile who has the girls play various games for his amusement. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on the next census, Elton John's health and Seattle Slew's racing injury, Bill Murray interviews a choking Elizabeth Taylor, and Dan Aykroyd debates the necessity of keeping the Shah in power. Nick the lounge singer performs for tourists at a bar in Vegas. Joan Face interviews Dr. Ike Badenza about the new Australian flu that's heading our way. Chico Escuela appears at the St. Mickey's Knights of Columbus. The Grateful Dead perform "Casey Jones", "I Need A Miracle" and "Good Lovin'".
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The host for the episode is Carrie Fisher, and the musical guest is The Blues Brothers (there third appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: During her opening monologue, Carrie Fisher is instructed by Obi-Wan to tell a joke about aliens that completely bombs. Princess Leia arrives on Earth and joins a beach party with Frankie and Annette. Two boys show up for their dates with the Loud family sisters, only to be taken aback at how loud everyone speaks. Two orderlies take it upon themselves to release a dying patient from her misery, but get the wrong bed by mistake. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on an archaeological find in Egypt, McDonald's hamburgers and Sambo's restaurants, Bill Murray reports on Neil Armstrong, Vietnamese refugees and the death of Jimmy Hoffa, Father Guido Sarducci answers allegations that the Vatican Bank is becoming a tax haven, and Roseanne Roseannadanna rants about smoking and naked people in health clubs. Mr. Bill goes fishing with Mr. Hands but ends up getting speared with hooks and eaten by a dolphin. At a waterfront dive in Marseilles, while the other bar girls try to get the sailors to buy expensive drinks, one gets them to sign up for insurance policies. The Blues Brothers perform "Soul Man", "Got Everything I Need, Almost" and "B Movie Boxcar Blues".
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The host for the episode is Walter Matthau, but there was no musical guest. The skits for this episode are as follows: NBC President Fred Silverman wonders aloud about what needs to be done to pick up the network's failing ratings. An ad for Epoxy-Dent claims the denture adhesive is strong enough to let you hold onto a helicopter with your teeth. The coach of the Bad News Bees gives his team some advice on life after one of them is caught buzzing off. At the Olympia grill, a Coca-Cola sales rep tries to get the place to switch from Pepsi, while several customers are grossed out by the cook's insect-killing technique. Nixon gets together with one of his old conspirators to talk about staging a comeback. Connie Carson interviews new teen idol Vanessa Lake. Garrett Morris sings "Della Sua Pace". Spot gets set on fire while Mr. Bill is still trying to get ready for his show.
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The host for the episode is Eric Idle (his third appearance), and the musical guest is Kate Bush. The skits for this episode are as follows: The telepsychic takes questions from callers about the future, giving each one the same answer. Julia Child demonstrates how to prepare a roast chicken and proceeds to slice her hand open and bleed to death in the studio. A game show host explains the convoluted rules of the show using sound effects. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on serial killers, Christmas shopping and the Nobel Peace Prize, Bill Murray interviews Valerie Harper who claims her show was canceled because of anti-Semitism, after which Jane proposes a grass-roots movement to build support for ERA by withholding oral sex. Father Guido Sarducci relates his experiences at a nude wrestling club. A studio manager is waiting for a drugged-out punk rocker to show up for a recording while her handlers try to keep everyone patient and high. Joan Face interviews Irwin Mainway regarding the shoddy and dangerous products his company makes. Apache chief Cochise attends a rhetoric class at Oxford where he gets frustrated with the inanity of the professor's lecture. Kate Bush performs "The Man With The Child In His Eyes" and "Them Heavy People".
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The host for the episode is Eliott Gould (his fourth appearance), and the musical guest is Peter Tosh. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Carter appears with his daughter Amy for an event on the White House lawn. Rovco presents their new all-flammable Christmas tree. The Widette family, who all have enormous backsides, prepare for dinner at home. During the Weekend Update, the reports include Beethoven's birthday, human rights abuses in Iran, and Cleveland's default, while Laraine Newman interviews the owner of Studio 54, Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd debate relations with China, and Roseanne Roseannadanna gives advice about beating depression during the holidays that ends up making Jane sick. An interviewer talks with a down-on-his-luck man who came to New York from Tacoma to help make his holiday better. Honker starts selling Christmas trees when the owner o the lot steps out for a minute. Peter Tosh performs "Don't Look Back" (with Mick Jagger) and "Bush Doctor".
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The host for the episode is Michael Palin (his second appearance), and the musical guest is The Doobie Brothers. The skits for this episode are as follows: President Carter delivers his State of the Union address despite his painful hemorrhoids, but the speech is peppered with references to the affliction. Lisa Loopner has another piano lesson with her lecherous teacher, Mr. Brighton. A discussion panel looks at the topic of what would have happened if Superman had landed in Nazi Germany instead of the United States. During the Weekend Update, Chico Escuela gives the sports news, while Father Guido Sarducci gives the latest report on events in the Catholic Church. Mr. Bill gets called in to court, where he is pounded with a gavel, sees his mother and dog torn apart, and ends up strapped to the electric chair. The Doobie Brothers perform "What a Fool Believes" and "Taking It to the Streets".
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The host for the episode is Cicely Tyson, and the musical guest is The Talking Heads. The skits for this episode are as follows: Jane and Gilda run in panic when John comes on the set, thinking he's going to throw a tantrum after learning that his Deng Xiaoping act has been cut. Before Cicely Tyson can give her opening monologue, Garrett Morris comes out dressed as her because he think he's supposed to play all black roles, leading Cicely to berate him for throwing his talent away on degrading parts. Elvis Presley's coat continues to perform to sell-out crowds after its owner's death. The Widettes meet up with another family with similarly large backsides. Receptionist Sherry is now working for the Shah, where she keeps all his visitors waiting. The frontier midwife delivers a baby in front of a room full of men. Nick the lounge singer performs on an auto-train bound for Florida. Garrett invites Cicely to talk about the lack of positive perceptions regarding black characters and black actors, and Cicely blindsides him by blaming it on the poor behavior of black men. The X-police burst in on a pair of women they think are lesbians and proceed to beat them up. Cicely performs a selection of songs about Sicily. Emily Litella acts as host for her production of "Porky & Bess". The Talking Heads perform "Take Me to the River" and "Artists Only".
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The host for the episode is Rick Nelson, and the musical guest is Judy Collins. The skits for this episode are as follows: Radio DJ Dick Lanky takes a variety of phone calls from listeners and tries to find out if astronaut Frank Borman flies for Eastern Airlines. In an episode of The Twilight Zone, Ricky Nelson keeps finding himself in the worlds of Leave it to Beaver, My Three Sons and other 60's family shows. Ricky Nelson joins Dolly Parton and Bob Marley for a benefit concert to raise money for yeast infection research, but punk rocker Candy Slice shows up drunkenly incoherent. During the Weekend Update, Chico Escuela gives the sports report. An art segment takes a look at the years Picasso spent in New York. Judy Collins performs "Hard Times for Lovers" and Ricky Nelson performs "Hello Mary Lou", "Travelin' Man", "Fools Rush In" and "Dream Lover".
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The host for the episode is Kate Jackson, and the musical guest is Delbert McClinton. The skits for this episode are as follows: Network president Fred Silverman appears on Charlie's Angels where he reveals that he's a covert operative for ABC who has been deliberately sabotaging the network with terrible programming decisions, and then shares his plans with the angels for further damaging NBC's remaining popular shows. During Kate Jackson's monologue, she mentions that she used to be an NBC studio tour guide, and is then interrupted by a tour group passing through the studio. Lisa Loopner is upset to discover that Todd DiLaMuca has a crush on her mother's nurse. Fred Silverman reveals his new programming line-up, which includes giving more prime-time slots to McLean Stevenson and Tom Snyder, and having Rip Taylor anchor the evening news. During the Weekend Update, Roseanne Roseannadanna reports on the new King Tut exhibit, and Father Guido Sarducci talks about a UFO sighting. Andy Kaufman yodels while playing the bongos. When Kate tells Fred Silverman how dedicated and idealistic the rest of the SNL cast is, and how their principles are inspiring her to do more than just lowest-common-denominator television, Fred slaps her to bring her back to reality. Leonard Plinth-Garnell reviews bad cabaret for children. Mr. Bill takes up exercise, but gets pounded by his trainer, Sluggo. The Coneheads go to the movies, but Beldar freaks out after another moviegoer passes him a joint. Delbert McClinton performs "B Movie Box Car Blues" and "Talkin' About You".
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The host for the episode is Gary Busey, and the musical guests are Eubie Blake and Gregory Hines. The skits for this episode are as follows: When John Belushi is peeved that Gary Busey has been nominated for an Oscar, Gary tries to make amends. During his opening monologue, Gary performs a percussion solo, using his body as the drum kit. President Carter reluctantly agrees to his mother's request to take Billy along to the Middle East, where the first brother still manages to cause a mess. A group of guys in leisure suits discuss their solutions to various women's issues. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on the Mid-East peace talks, the Voyager spacecraft, and seal hunting in Canada, while Bill Murray tries with little success to interview the widow of Mr. Ed. Honker dreams of someday getting the chance to perform Shakespeare. Gary Busey performs "Stay All Night" with Rich Danko and Paul Butterfield, and Eubie Blake performs "Low Down Blues", "I'm Just Simply Full of Jazz" and "I'm Just Wild About Harry" together with Gregory Hines.
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The host for the episode is Margot Kidder, and the musical guest is The Chieftans. The skits for this episode are as follows: DJ Dick Lankey broadcasts from Doyle's Tavern for St. Patrick's Day, where Mayor Daley's ghost is supposed to reappear. Margot Kidder's opening monologue is interrupted by technical difficulties when the entire camera crew gets completely drunk. An ad for the navy shows sailors scrubbing floors, working in the mess hall and sitting around watching TV. A female bank executive on a business trip finds that her company has arranged for a male prostitute to spend the night with her. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on Richard Nixon's grandson and a monkey shortage in medical research, Bill Murray wishes a happy hundredth birthday to Albert Einstein, Father Guido Sarducci vents about favoritism regarding American and Irish saints, and Jane and Dan debate Lee Marvin's palimony case. Superman and Lois Lane, now married, are having a party, but when Superman changes into Clark Kent, Lois confesses to him that she's been unfaithful. Al Franken complains that his face and name are being used to sell FrankenBerry cereal, and then tries to drum up sympathy for a sick homeless man. A group of women discuss the problems with men. Mr. Bill tries to hide when Mr. Hands comes to take him bowling, but he ends up getting crushed under a bowling ball. The Chieftans perform "If I Had Maggie in the Woods" and "Morning Dew".
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The host for the episode is Richard Benjamin, and the musical guest is Rickie Lee Jones. The skits for this episode are as follows: At Two Mile Island Nuclear Power plant, a worker accidentally spills a soft drink on the control panel, causing a massive leak of radiation. When President Carter goes to investigate the situation, he insists that his background in nuclear engineering qualifies him to enter the reactor chamber, exposing him to a dose of radiation that causes him to grow to nearly one hundred feet tall. Todd DiLaMuca borrows his older brother's apartment in the hopes of putting the moves on Lisa Loopner. Other skits include a scene at a Scottish restaurant and a 'Bird for All Seasons', as well as a re-run of the Little Chocolate Donuts advertisement. Rickie Lee Jones performs "Chuck E's in Love" and "Coolsville".
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The host for the episode is Milton Berle, and the musical guest is Ornette Coleman. The skits for this episode are as follows: The men of the cast open by performing the intro from Milton Berle's old Texaco Star Theater program. Music host Don Kirshner presents the Village Persons, who perform their new disco song "Bend Over, Chuck Berry". Joan Face interviews Irving Mainway, who attempts to defend the attractions at his new theme park, including getting stuffed in a burlap sack and thrown in a lake, riding a shopping cart down into a gravel pit, and playing in a lot full of abandoned refrigerators. Other skits include Milton Berle's Japanese writers, Buddy Pine's Launching Pad, and the Widette family. Milton Berle performs "Times Square" and Ornette Coleman performs "September Song".
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The host for the episode is Michael Palin (his third appearance), and the musical guest is James Taylor (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Fred Silverman defends the programming decisions he's made over the past year and announces that he's picking Gary Coleman to be his new Executive Vice President. In the further adventures of Miles Cowperthwaite, Miles enters the service of Captain Ned and sets sail aboard the Raging Queen. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on President Carter's gasoline rationing plan and the loss of Skylab, then gets snapped at by an angry Margaret Thatcher, Bill Murray reports on Chico Escuela's failed attempt at a return to Major League Baseball, and Father Guido Sarducci discusses an unexplained object in the sky as well as his plans to start a Shrine-mobile service. President Carter presents the Boulevard of Proud Chicano Cars. Tom Snyder talks about his mother on the Tomorrow Show. Mr. Bill attempts to run away, but Mr. Hands finds him and soon crushes Mr. Bill and Spot in his car. James Taylor performs "Johnnie Comes Back", "Up On The Roof" and "Millworker".
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The host for the episode is Maureen Stapleton, and the musical guests are Linda Rondstadt and Phoebe Snow (her third appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Ray the telepsychic answers questions from callers to his cable TV show and gives advice on home repairs, marital infidelity and lost relatives. An ad for the navy presents some of the less glamorous jobs it entails. Idi Amin shows up as someone's house guest. A Roach brothel attracts insects even better than a roach motel. Nick the lounge singer performs at the TransEastern. Dolly Parton speaks to a group of Veterans of Foreign Hairdos. Mr. Bill and Spot get beaten and abused by Mr. Hands and Sluggo. Linda Rondtadt and Phoebe Snow perform "It's In His Kiss" and "The Married Men" together.
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his eighth appearance), and the musical guest is Bette Midler. The skits for this episode are as follows: Mr. Bill goes to Rockefeller Center to see SNL, and almost gets to say the opening announcement. When Jane Curtain throws a tantrum in the control room because she's been passed over yet again to announce the show, John Belushi offers his support, but then steals the line out from under her. For his opening monologue, Buck Henry introduces some members of the audience who are taking part in an experiment to judge the quality of the show: as they gain or lose interest, the screen will shrink or grow in size. As Buck tries to engage the audience in intelligent matters, the picture soon begins to disappear, so he quickly switches to talking about sex. An entrepreneur combines three fun activities with his roller disco fishing park. The samurai baker provides a frantic man with a last-minute wedding cake. After watching the film Blind Ambition, Nixon tries to explain to his family that everything on the tapes was taken out of context because he and his staff were just joking around. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain and Bill Murray report on the aftermath of the Three Mile Island accident, NBC's new logo design, and the recent Canadian elections, Garrett Morris comments on the racial overtones of a recent Rolling Stones song, and Roseanne Roseannadanna starts talking about the gas shortage but wanders into a story about Jane's behavior at the beach. Uncle Roy shows up to babysit and convinces the girls to tie him up and stuff their socks in his mouth. The Olympia diner has burned down, but the owner is hoping to make a profit from the insurance payment. Joan Face interviews a pair of transsexuals who donated the necessary parts to each other. For the closing, Michael O'Donoghue does an impersonation of Elvis with needles through his eyes. Bette Midler performs "Married Men" and "Martha".
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his seventh appearance), and the musical guest is Blondie. The skits for this episode are as follows: The Pope makes an appearance at the Monsterdome, where his security staff has to keep the religious hangers-on from crashing the event. For his opening monologue, Steve Martin talks about his new fashion job, then gets angry at the band when they start an unexpected song. An ad pitches the benefits of Craig's Travelers Checks. A Roman Centurion faces a tribe of vandals who egg the soldiers, TP the camp, and have pizzas delivered to the general's tent. Steve pitches a product that allows him to hover over dirty toilet seats. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain and Bill Murray report on the Republican nominees for the 1980 election, a recall of General Motors cars, Fidel Castro's visit to America, and Mayor Koch's plan to publicizes prostitutes and johns, while Father Guido Sarducci talks about the excitement surrounding the Pope's visit to America. Don Kirshner presents another great moment in rock history: Carol King performing "You've Got a Friend" while her friend is being mugged outside her apartment. Mr. Bill tries to do a show without Mr. Hands, but his ex-partner crashes the show anyway. Two tourists stare in amazement at the audience, wondering 'what is that thing?' Blondie performs "Dreaming" and "The Hardest Part".
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The host for the episode is Eric Idle (his fourth appearance), and the musical guest is Bob Dylan. The skits for this episode are as follows: A doctor and Lorne Michaels argue over whether Eric Idle is too sick or not to do the show, while Buck Henry keeps pleading to be allowed to host again. For his opening monologue, Eric performs a series of impersonations from a hospital stretcher. Art dealer Tom Clay pitches motel room art as the masterpieces of tomorrow. A customer at a shop just wants to buy some shoes but the clerk keeps complicating matters. Prince Charles talks about how to pick up girls. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain and Bill Murray report on rumors of Premier Brezhnev's death, an election for US President held in London, and some unpopular comments by Princess Margaret about the Irish, while Roseanne Roseannadanna comments on high mortgage rates but ends up talking about bathroom habits at French restaurants. Andy Kaufman challenges women in the audience to a wrestling match. Joan Face hosts Heavy Sarcasm, where her guests are author Nigel Quist and actor Greg Malone. Psychic Dorothy Haagen hosts at advice show where people can tell their problems to Elvis. Bob Dylan performs "Gotta Serve Somebody", "I Believe in You" and "When You Gonna Wake Up".
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The host for the episode is Bill Russell, and the musical guest is Chicago. The skits for this episode are as follows: Ted Kennedy makes an announcement regarding his candidacy for President. Nick the lounge singer performs at the Borealis. Mr. Bill tries to avoid getting hurt by staying at home, but Mr. Hands finds him anyway. Joe Garagiola does an ad for Chrysler cars. Other skits include The Landers Files, The Black Shadow, Obscure Sports Questions and Barry White's Big & Tall. Chicago performs "I'm A Man" and "Street Player".
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his ninth appearance), and the musical guest is Tom Petty. The skits for this episode are as follows: The cast members start grumbling over Buck Henry hosting the show yet again. During his opening monologue, Buck is oblivious to the hostility from the audience over his hosting again. In a parody ad, a women tries in vain to get a guy to come to her apartment for a drink, and finally settles on Honker. Todd DiLaMuca and Lisa Loopner try to fix up their single parents on a date together. During the Weekend Update, Father Guido Sarducci gives the latest news from the Catholic Church. Two young kids share tips on how to get their grandparents to give them money. A couple on their way to the hospital use Speci-Paks to save necessary severed body parts. A father who can only use the toilet in his home drives recklessly to get back to the house. Tom Petty performs "Refugee" and "Don't Do Me Like That".
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The host for the episode is Bea Arthur, and the musical guest is The Roches. The skits for this episode are as follows: After giving a speech, Ronald Regan has all his makeup removed as he gets ready for a long series of naps in between each of his press appearances for the day. An ad pitches Spud Beer, a beer made from potatoes for people who have lost their sense of taste following electroshock therapy. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on the retirement of AFL-CIO leader George Meany, as well as investigations into embezzlement by the boss of the longshoremen's union, while Dr. Franken conducts experiments that mainly involve tearing apart cockroaches. Tom Clay of SaveCo offers viewers great deals on products that had to be rejected from stores for failing government safety inspections. Mr. Bill attempts to build a house for himself and Spot, but Mr. Hands and Sluggo smash him to pieces. Other skits include A Soviet takeover, Aunt Judy's basement, First He Cries, Woman to Woman, a rock opera preview, and Los Beatolos Cubanos. The Roches perform "Bobby's Song" and "Hallelujah Chorus".
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The host for the episode is Howard Hesseman, and the musical guest is Randy Newman (his third appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: An Arabic family moves to a wealthy neighborhood in southern California to become the Bel Arabs. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on Ted Kennedy's relationship with his wife, the worsening oil crisis, Steve McQueen's high salary demands and the deadly riot at a Who concert, Chico Escuela reports on the sports news while bemoaning his recent accusation of having impregnated a teenage girl, and Al Franken lauds the end of the Me Decade, hoping the 80's will become the 'Al Franken' decade. Other skits include great moments in rock and roll, personal growth, DJ Steve Marvin, the Nuclear Family, and Holiday Inn horror. Randy Newman performs "It's Money That I Love", "Pants" and "The Story of a Rock & Roll Band".
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The host for the episode is Martin Sheen, and the musical guest is David Bowie. The skits for this episode are as follows: A little girl keeps finding increasingly scary things hiding in her bedroom, but her parents explain away each one of them and yell for her to go to sleep. Advertisements pitch Le Shoe shoes, Martin Sheen hairspray, Foreveready batteries and the Minolta AM-3 camera. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on the Reagan election campaign, Canadian PM Joe Clark's political troubles, the health risks of late-pregnancy sex, and an investigation into price-gouging by the oil companies, Bill Murray reviews new movie releases, panning films made by recent SNL alumni. Other skits include striking teachers, first love, criminals, and a revision of Freudian theory. David Bowie performs "The Man Who Sold the World", "TVC-15" and "Boys Keep Swinging".
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The host for the episode is Ted Knight, and the musical guest is Desmond Child & Rouge. The skits for this episode are as follows: The Shah of Iran opens the show with a Christmas greeting for everyone. A secretary goes before the company grievance board to complain about the blatant sexual harassment her boss has been subjecting her to. New York policeman Bob Kopp offers some Christmas advice for everyone to watch their belongings, keep an eye on their wallets, get out of the way and mind their own business if they know what's good for them. A man almost throws his life away on a coffee addiction, but gets help by checking into rehab at Maxwell House. Lisa Loopner and Todd DiLaMuca take part in their school Christmas pageant. Andy Kaufman tries his hand at wrestling women again. Desmond Child & Rouge perform "Tumble In The Night" and "Goodbye Baby".
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The host for the episode is Teri Garr, and the musical guest is The B-52's. The skits for this episode are as follows: Father Guido Sarducci attempts to get an interview with Paul McCartney following his arrest in Japan for marijuana possession, but is unsuccessful. A group of débutantes in prison try to adjust to the restricted social life behind bars, hoping that George Bush will be elected and pardon them. During the Iowa primaries, the candidates try to win the favor of Iowa voters by showing up at their houses and doing chores for them. During the Weekend Update, Al Franken repeats his hope that the 80's will be the Franken Decade, and unveils the Franken decade medallion. Lady Plinth-Garnell reviews bad theater. Mr. Hands the psychiatrist tries to help Mr. Bill by having him re-live some of his past traumas. The B-52's perform "Rock Lobster" and "Dance This Mess Around".
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The host for the episode is Chevy Chase (his second appearance as host), and the musical guest is Marianne Fathfull. The skits for this episode are as follows: Henry Kissenger visits with former president Ford and reminisces on old times together. An ad invites diners to come to Pre-chewed Charlie's restaurant, where the food is easier to eat because all the hard chewing work has already been done for you. Other skits include the Bel Arabs, You Can't Win, Speaking of Fashion with Mr. Blackwell, the life of Hollywood's forgotten director Linden Palmer, and a segment about Honduras. Marianne Faithfull performs "Broken English", and "Guilt", and Chevy Chase performs "Sixteen Tons" with Tom Scott & The Saturday Night Live Band.
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The host for the episode is Elliott Gould (his fifth appearance), and the musical guest is Gary Numan. The skits for this episode are as follows: Father Guido Sarducci waits for former president Nixon to show up for an interview, but he never does. An ad for Jewess jeans pitches designer jeans made especially for Jewish women. During the presidential debates, one of the candidates sends a substitute in his place. While recording ads for Gallo wine, Orson Welles keeps flubbing his closing line. Other skits include The Incredible Man, Kramer vs Godzilla, Basketball Convict, Subway Genie, and All Time Radio. Gary Numan performs "Cars" and "Praying To The Aliens".
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The host for the episode is Kirk Douglas, and the musical guest is Sam & Dave. The skits for this episode are as follows: Gilda Radner brings her mother backstage to meet Kirk Douglas, but they are shocked to discover he's only four feet tall. For his opening monologue, Kirk reminisces about performing on stage in New York, then talks about his grandchildren and introduces his young god-daughter. A panel discusses the possibilities of Spartacus' personal life. A team of dentists is shrunken down to microscopic size to do hands-on work on Anwar Sadat's teeth. During the Weekend Update, an ad for Ronald Reagan's campaign showcases the actor's sense of humor, while Al Franken insists on reinstating the draft so he won't have to serve. Nick the lounge singer gives a drunken performance at a bar mitzvah. Tom Snyder invites the brothers of the presidential candidates for a group interview. Kirk does impersonations of Kirk Douglas impersonators. A lavatory attendant asks Kirk for an autograph while he's using the facilities. Sam & Dave perform "You Don't Know Like I Know" and "Mask of Fear".
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The host for the episode is Rodney Dangerfield, and the musical guest is The J. Geils Band. The skits for this episode are as follows: Rodney Dangerfield tries to get ready for the show but finds that Father Guido Sarducci is using his dressing room to sleep in. During his opening monologue, Rodney discusses the lack of respect he gets in his sex life and his childhood. At a sperm bank, all the customers want their children fathered by Rodney, but the donor is having a hard time keeping up with demand. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on President Carter's foreign policy gaffes and the FDA's ruling on artificial sweeteners, Bill Murray reports on a suppressed 60 Minutes report and Muhammad Ali's latest bout, then scolds Jerry Mathers for spreading rumors that he died in Vietnam. A substitute judge takes over a courtroom for a day, but finds that everyone is more interested in tricking him into letting them goof off. The J. Geils Band performs "Love Stinks" and "Sanctuary".
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There is no host for the episode, but the musical guests are Paul Simon (his fourth appearance, second as musical guest), James Taylor (his third appearance) and David Sanborn. The skits for this episode are as follows: For the hundredth episode, Garrett Morris holds a séance backstage to contact the spirits of the departed, and instead finds John Belushi, who is annoyed at being called in to do such a bit part. Bill Murray sings about how much he loves living in New York. The Horizon Television advertises itself as the biggest TV ever, though the screen is still just 12 inches. Sean the Leprechaun keeps getting caught by treasure-seekers because he's as big as a regular person. Todd DiLaMuca attempts to run for class president, but a smear campaign by his rival derails his hopes. During the Weekend Update, Bill Murray reports on the Ayatollah's hat-buying habits, Jane Curtain reports a false story about Walter Cronkite in the hopes of getting a date with him, and Roseanna Roseannadanna starts talking about breastfeeding but gets sidetracked about Bo Derek's nose hair. The Minstrels of Newcastle prepare for a performance but the drummer cant get the beat right. James Taylor & Paul Simon perform "Cathy's Clown", "Sunny Skies" and "Take Me to the Mardi Gras. David Sanborn performs "Anything You Want".
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The hosts for the episode are Richard Benjamin (his second appearance) and Paula Prentiss, and the musical guest is The Grateful Dead (their second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: News Anchor Frank Reynolds reports that President Carter is now a hostage in the White House. Paula Prentiss begins her opening monologue, only to be confronted by Richard Benjamin, who is upset that his monologue was cut. A husband has an affair with another woman in a hotel room, but becomes overwhelmed with fear and guilt at the thought of his wife finding out. During the Weekend Update, Jane Curtain reports on the impending eruption of Mt. St. Helens and the results of the 1980 census, Bill Murray reports on Dan Rather going undercover in Afghanistan and George Bush reverting to his CIA training during a speech, and Al Franken explains how he cheats on his taxes. An assertiveness training instructor teaches her students how to stand up for themselves. A group of neighbors are joined together by their love of Joey Bishop. The Grateful Dead perform "Alabama Getaway" and "Saint of Circumstances".
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The host for the episode is Burt Reynolds, and the musical guest is Anne Murray (her second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Despite setbacks before the show, Burt Reynolds remains in good spirits. Parents let Burt know that they're happy to have him sleep with their daughters. A swinger in ancient Rome picks up women purging themselves at a vomitorium. During the Weekend Update, Father Guido Sarducci reports on the dwindling number of giant pandas. Baba Wawa does an interview with Marlon Brando, but the actor is only interested in stuffing his face. Additional skits include Deliverance II, the Pepper Cult, a breach of beach party etiquette, and the Burt Book. Anne Murray performs "Lucky Me" and "Why Don't You Stick Around".
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The host for the episode is Strother Martin, and the musical guest is The Specials. The skits for this episode are as follows: Rosalyn Carter talks about sections of the 1980 census intended for unlawful aliens, including questions about how they got into the US, where they would hide if the INS came to their homes, and how much they would be willing to do housework for. During his opening monologue, Strother Martin reveals that he was asked to host the show because Lorne Michaels mistook him for Tennessee Williams, and so far he's been keeping up the act. At Camp Beau Soleil, the campers are forced to learn French by the brutal camp counselor, Le Capitain, but a camper named Luke is determined to escape. Additional skits include a variety show will, the Conductor's Club, Any Town, and Food. The Specials perform "Gangsters" and "Too Much, Too Young".
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The host for the episode is Bob Newhart, and the musical guests are The Amazing Rhthym Aces and Bruce Cockburn. The skits for this episode are as follows: A civil war officer talking to his men before they go off to battle makes a number of promises that are unlikely to be kept. Mr. Bill gets sent to jail, where he gets beaten and torn apart by the other inmates and Mr. Hands. Additional skits include The Dating Zone with Iris de Flaminio, Rare Store Items, and The Proposal. The Amazing Rhythm Aces perform "Who Will the Next Fool Be" and "Third-Rate Romance" and Joe Cockburn performs "Wondering Where the Lions Are".
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The host for the episode is Steve Martin (his eighth appearance), and the musical guests are 3-D and Paul & Linda McCartney. The skits for this episode are as follows: Father Guido Sarducci tries to get an interview with Paul McCartney in London following Paul's arrest in Japan, but he gets confused over the time difference and schedules the interview for the wrong time. For his opening monologue, Steve Martin talks about what he believes in. A group of prehistoric hominids discusses the day's hunt, but the leader gets angry when a strange one starts coming up with new ideas that challenge his authority. Father Guido Sarducci finally manages to wake up Paul and Linda McCartney, who agree do give an interview despite the fact that it's five in the morning and Sarducci only wants to talk about marijuana. An advertisement pitches Patty Caldwell's new album targeted at single women in their late 30's. 3-D performs "All Night Television".
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The host for the episode is Buck Henry (his tenth appearance), and the musical guests are Andrew Gold and Andrae Crouch & The Voices of Unity. The skits for this episode are as follows: During his opening monologue, Buck Henry announces that the Saturday Night Live cast will be leaving after this episode, and then introduces a team of second-rate hacks and imitators that will supposedly by taking over in the next season. A party of British nobles includes the Sandwiches, the Worcestershires, the Wilkinsons and Lord and Lady Douchebag. Uncle Roy returns to get his kicks while babysitting young Terri and Tracy. Nick the lounge singer gives a performance at the Lava Club. Additional skits include the Cow Minder's Daughter, The Week in Review and Mommy Beer. Andrew Gold performs "Kiss This One Goodbye" and Andrae Crouch & Voices of Unity perform "Can't Nobody Do Me Like Jesus".
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The host for the episode is Elliott Gould (his sixth appearance), and the musical guest is Kid Creole & The Coconuts. The skits for this episode are as follows: Elliott Gould wakes up in bed with the rest of the cast, and tells them what it was like working with the old SNL team. For his opening monologue, Eliott starts showing some of his old underwear to the audience, and ends up trading lingerie with Denny Dillon. To help educate Americans in their cars, a new program puts works of classic literature on billboards along the highways. After President Carter loses the 1980 election, Rosalyn tells him that now he's free to do whatever he wants. A couple receives a singing billy-gram from the woman's disapproving parents. A topless spokeswoman for the American Cancer Association demonstrates how to self-examine for breast cancer. During the Weekend Update, Charles Rocket reports on Ronald Reagan's planned appointments to his cabinet and proposed budget measures, Gail Matthius tries to inform John Anderson that he lost the election, and Ron Grosscup explains his theory that Reagan actually died several months earlier and has been replaced with a stand-in. For the Rocket Report, Charles attempts to get an interview with John Lennon, but instead starts investigating the state of trash collection in the neighborhood. A sergeant explains some of the new training measures being adopted now that homosexuals are allowed in the military. A stockbroker in his forties awkwardly tries to have a date with a teen-age valley girl. As a complement to speed reading, a new education service offers viewers the chance to learn speed listening. Kid Creole and the Coconuts perform "Mister Softee".
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The host for the episode is Malcolm McDowell, and the musical guest is Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band. The skits for this episode are as follows: mother nags at her son to sit up straight as he's strapped into the electric chair. A nature program searches through urban America for the elusive black republican. A spokesman for American tobacco growers explains that lung cancer is actually caused by the lungs themselves, and not by smoking. Two British nobles develop the sport of serf-riding. The Reagans decide to adopt Amy Carter as their own White House daughter. The American Milk Association invites Alex DeLarge to speak on behalf of their product. During the Weekend Update, Charles Rocket reports on the trial of the Gang of Four, the Reagans' first visit to the White House, the seizure of a cargo ship in Miami, and the failure of the movie Heaven's Gate, Charles interviews John Lennon and Yoko Ono, only to find that John has become obsessed with housekeeping, and Joe Piscopo re-enacts the Leonard-Duran fight with toy robots. A dominatrix delivers the leather weather report, using her shackled slave as the map. Two hunters are eager for the opening day of Commie hunting season. For the Rocket Report, Charles tries to interview passers-by on Fifth Avenue, but nobody is eager to talk with him and answer his awkward questions. A wine connoisseur recommends American wines that go well with American foods. Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band perform "Hot Head" and "Ashtray Heart".
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The host for the episode is Ellen Burstyn, and the musical guests are Aretha Franklin and Keith Sykes. The skits for this episode are as follows: David Rockefeller comes on to announce that the United States will be going co-op. Ellen Burstyn takes a look back at the film roles she's done and announces she's going to start doing lighter roles. A spokesman for the Ed McMahon school of laughing offers to teach people how to laugh like Ed. Ellen gets interviewed by Pinkie and Leo Waxman. For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket looks for sex on a New York ferry. Jersey Man Paulie Herman records a video for a dating service. During the Weekend Update, basketball player Raheem Abdul Muhammad shares his views on NBA quotas for white players, and Dr. Zuko explains that female orgasm is just a myth. A film highlights Pepe Gonzalez, the only bullfighter in New York. Valley girls Vickie and Debbie pay a visit to Planned Parenthood. Toni Tenille interviews Jean Harris, the murderer of Scarsdale Diet creator Dr. Tarnower. A Dr. Demento music video demonstrates the many uses for fish heads. Aretha Franklin performs "United Together" and Keith Sykes performs "B.I.G.T.I.M.E."
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The host for the episode is Jamie Lee Curtis, and the musical guests are James Brown and Ellen Shipley. The skits for this episode are as follows: The Mean Majority explain how things are going to change now that their man has won the presidency. For her opening monologue, Jamie Lee Curtis obliges the audience by screaming in terror. Over the course of the show, Brooke Shields gives three vacuous endorsements for Clovin Hind jeans. Jersey Guy Paulie Herman encounters a three-card monte dealer on the street. Two poetesses make their work famous by the only means available to them: committing suicide on live television. A public service announcement warns viewers of the dangers of playing poker while high on pot. Members of the Badgers Club get together to celebrate berating random people and insulting their waitress. An aspiring photographer plots to blow up the Statue of Liberty so he can take an award-winning photo. James Brown performs "Rapp Payback", plus a medley of his older hits, and Ellen Shipley performs "Fotogenic".
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The host for the episode is David Carradine, and the musical guests are the cast from The Pirates of Penzance. The skits for this episode are as follows: Joe Piscopo tries out his voice to become the next SNL announcer, but Don Pardo quickly quashes his hopes. David Carradine wants to sing "I Wanna Be a Dancin' Man" for his opening monologue, but Charles Rocket steps in and stops him at the last moment. A gun shop invites customers to come by for their last-minute Christmas shopping. Caine, the traveling kung-fu master, gets some fashion advice from the owner of a menswear shop. Valley girls Vickie and Debbie go down to the mall to try and impress some boys. For the Rocket Report, Charles does a story about a derelict Santa wandering the streets of New York. Bob Dylan goes to visit Woody Guthrie in the hospital, where the two converse only in folk-song lyrics. An NBC executive stages a worldwide search for a virgin. David extols the virtues of Dopenhagen smokeless marijuana. Mr. Bill reflects on some of his more painful holiday memories. Caine teams up with Bruce Lee for a holiday special. Linda Rondstadt and the cast of Pirates of Penzance perform a medley of songs from the musical, as well as a medley of holiday songs.
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The host for the episode is Ray Sharkey, and the musical guest is Jack Bruce & Friends. The skits for this episode are as follows: Jimmy the Weasel tells the truth and gets a bullet for his troubles. A special translator is called in when a WASP tries to express emotion. Valley girls Vickie and Debbie head down to a new wave club where they meet punk rocker Tommy Torture. A despondent Jimmy Carter drowns his sorrows at a bar as Reagan's inauguration looms closer. Dr. Gazzara, representing Citizens for a Better America, invites Ronald Reagan to give him a 'hum job'. During the Weekend Update, Eddie Murphy asks that the draft board pass him over in favor of Garrett Morris, since Garrett is now out of work. A horror movie features people being attacked by smile faces. A salesman approaches childless couples in the park and offers to sell them black market white babies. Eddie Murphy does a stand-up routine about insult contests popular in black neighborhoods. Jack Bruce & Friends perform "Dancing on Air" and "Living Without Ya".
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The host for the episode is Karen Black (her second appearance), and the musical guests are Cheap Trick and The Stanley Clarke Trio. The skits for this episode are as follows: During the Carters' last days in the White House, Rosalyn instructs Jimmy and Amy to take away everything they can carry. A music company pitches an album of classical works that inspired the hit songs of today. A foundation to help the tragically hip solicits donations. Game show host Phil Lively meets his new neighbors. President-elect Reagan decides to name Nancy as his Vice President after Frank Sinatra recommends her for the job. For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket interviews a daredevil cab driver. A museum guard confesses to the Mona Lisa that he has to break off their relationship. During the Weekend Update, Mary Lou James present diet tips for the stupid, and Joe Piscopo tries to scalp a pair of tickets to the Super Bowl. Dan Rather leads an investigation into why there are no female reporters at CBS. A stroke victim attempts to communicate with his visitors at the hospital, but fails. Karen Black gets interviewed by Pinkie and Leo Waxman, but can't keep up with their constantly shifting topics. To let people know that 'guns don't kill people, people kill people', the National Handgun Association presents a demonstration of a criminal using a black man to mug people. Cheap Trick performs "Baby Loves to Rock" and "Can't Stop but I'm Gonna Try", and the Stanley Clarke Trio performs "Wild Dog".
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The host for the episode is Sally Kellerman, and the musical guest is Jimmy Cliff (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket goes to one of the parades being held to welcome home the Iran hostages. An Italian stand-up comedian performs in front of his family while a talent scout looks on. Contestants on a quiz show attempt to identify taboo subjects. A group of upper-class women one-up one another with social faux-pas stories. A new book of Iranian jokes let readers entertain their families and friends. During the Weekend Update, Eddie Murphy announces that since the Emancipation Proclamation was never actually signed, people should go out and claim their very own black person while they can. A mother and father explain the facts of life in extremely graphic detail to their son. A councilor at a fat camp cracks the whip over her charges, until a member of the audience stops the skit to complain about the unfair portrayal of fat people. Members of a student council in Iran debate what to do now that the hostages have gone home. A criminal trial is shown on TV in talk-show format. Jimmy Cliff performs "I Am the Living" and "Gone Clear", and Sally Kellerman performs "Starting Over Again".
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The host for the episode is Deborah Harry, and the musical guest is Funky 4+1 and More. The skits for this episode are as follows: Ronald Reagan invites Frank Sinatra to clear up the question of whether or not he's a hoodlum. For her opening monologue Deborah Harry introduces her parents in the audience, both of whom have the same hairstyle as her. A preview for a horror movie features leftovers that have been in the refrigerator too long. Game show host Phil Lively talks with a nurse from a retirement home about having his aging father live with with them. A man named Cooter has his life officially recognized as a Tennessee Williams one-act play. For the Rocket Report, Charles Rocket goes into Central Park to find out just how scary it really is. Jersey guy Paulie Herman goes to pick out a Valentine's Day card for his family and meets a New Jersey woman. During the Weekend Update, a spokesman for the Reagan administration announces that there are no poor people in America. Pinky and Leo Waxman go to Soho to visit their niece Susan in the hopes of setting her up with a boyfriend, oblivious to the fact that she's a lesbian. Valley girls Vickie and Debbie bump into Tina, a former classmate who dropped out of school. Deborah Harry performs "Love TKO" and "Come Back Jonee", and Funky 4 + 1 More performs "That's the Joint".
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The host for the episode is Charlene Tilton, and the musical guests are Todd Rundgren and Prince. The skits for this episode are as follows: Joe Piscopo covers a boxing match between Rocko Weineretto and Weindulah, both of whom are hand puppets. Joe gets dumped by Ann Risley, then becomes enraged when he finds out that she's been seeing Charles Rocket in secret. A record company spokesman pitches a new album of unlikely make-out music. Mr. Robinson introduces the folks in his neighborhood and receives a package from Mr. Speedy. For the Rocket Report, Charles takes host Charlene Tilton for a ride on the New York subways. A new production of Fiddler on the Roof features Stevie Wonder as Tevye. The Reagans make their daughter-in-law Doria sleep in the haunted Lincoln bedroom. Charlene vows to get even with Charles Rocket for two-timing her with Ann Risley, and Gilbert Gottfried vows to get even with Rocket for dating all the hosts and leaving him with nothing. Before a piano competition, to rival pianists break each other's fingers. Two women in prison discuss the industrial revolution. During a skit about two people washing a dog, an unseen assassin shoots Charles in the chest. During the good-nights, Charles makes an unfortunate statement about the shooting, and Don Pardo admits to pulling the trigger in revenge for Charles' sleeping with his wife. Todd Rundgren performs "Healer" and "Time Heals" and Prince performs "Party Up".
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The host for the episode is Bill Murray, and the musical guest is Delbert McClinton (his second appearance). The skits for this episode are as follows: Before the show, the entire cast goes to Bill Murray's dressing room to share their anxieties. He gives them a pep talk about how ratings aren't all that important. During his opening monologue, Bill grabs a woman from the audience and has to be restrained by Eddie Murphy. Jersey Guy Paulie Herman praises the chemical industry. Walter Cronkite tries sensory deprivation and goes on a psychedelic trip. A scientist shows off his photos of DNA molecules. Lounge singer Nick performs for Mardi Gras party-goers on a Mississippi riverboat. A sports reporter suggests the use of softer sticks to tone down hockey violence. Bill makes his Oscar picks, all of which happen to be for films starring the original cast. A man with unusual tastes goes into a flower shop. A couple go to a house party but are put at a loss when they can't remember the name of their host's cat. During the good-nights, Bill apologizes to his former cast-mates. Delbert McClinton and Bonnie Bramlett perform "Givin' It Up For Your Love" and "Shotgun Rider".
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The musical guest is Jr. Walker & The All-Stars. There is no host. The skits for this episode are as follows: Chevy Chase finds Mr. Bill while rummaging through some supply closets. The two reminisce about old times until Chevy accidentally crushes Bill. Frank Sinatra puts on a show to encourage people to buy American cars by bashing everything Japanese. Bill Cosby sells light beer to kids. A husband accuses his chimpanzee wife of having an affair. During the Weekend Update, Raheem Abdul Muhammed gives a movie review but confuses 'Altered States' with 'Stir Crazy', Laurie Metcalf asks people on the street if they would take a bullet for Ronald Reagan, and Al Franken tells viewers to forget about SNL and just let the show die peacefully. An Italian father gives his son some advice on his wedding day. Irene Cara sings about how all her songs sound alike. Chevy tries to convince viewers that the show is getting better, but Robin Williams and Christopher Reeves come on to voice their disagreement. As a bag lady shuffles around outside, onlookers make comments about her. Jr. Walker & The All-Stars perform "Road Runner", "Shotgun", "How Sweet It Is" and "What Does It Take?"
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This episode of April 2005 opens with Chris Parnell posing as beleaguered House of Representives Majority Leader Tom Delay. The opening credits roll and musical guest Beck and host Tom Brady are announced. Tom Brady soon takes the stage, and is soon joined by most of the cast to sing an outrageously egotistical song about himself. A fake commercial for an alternative to Viagra is show next. First skit then has Tom Brady at a carnival midway trying in vain to throw a football through a hole in the wall about six feet away. After that, Darryl Hammond impersonates Dr. Phil McGraw, and grills insensitive husband Tom Brady because he has no "emotional intelligence." Next is an involved episode of "The Falconer," which has the Falconer and Donald switching bodies. Tom Brady has a small part as a lost hiker. The TV funhouse segment is a mock industrial training film entitled "Sexual Harassment And You." It is filmed in 1950's style, and features Fred Armisen and Tom Brady as office workers who know the wrong and correct ways to approach women in the workplace. Next, Tom Brady appears in a genie costume to promote "Tom Brady's Falafal City," an Indian restaurant that he supposedly owns. Beck performs his first selection at this point. Following Beck is the "Weekend Update," with Tina and Amy, who are joined by a surprise visit by Jiminy Glick, an alter-ego of Martin Short. Next obnoxious and hyperactive "tween" Caitlyn torments her step-dad and her "Uncle Scott," played by Tom Brady. Then comes a fake episode of VH1's "Behind the Music," detailing the phenomenon of the 1985 Chicago Bears and their hit, "The Superbowl Shuffle. Tom Brady plays a head-banded Jim MacMahon. Another Beck performance comes at this point. The next skit features Maya Rudolph as a inebriated lounge singer, with Tom Brady accompanying her in a way not unlike Kenny G. The final skit has Tom Brady playing himself as he is challenged by Seth Meyers as Peyton Manning and Keenan Tompson as Donavon McNabb's mother. Lastly Tom Brady thanks Beck, the cast of SNL, and says goodnight.
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Sketches include "Bush Addresses the Nation", "Morgan Stanley", "The JetBlue Crisis", "Anderson Cooper 360", "The Couple That Should Be Divorced", "Girls Gone Wild Katrina", "Kanye Backstage", "The Lundford Twins Variety Hour", "Fun With Real Audio", and "Debbie Downer". Kanye West performs "Gold Digger" and "Heard 'Em Say" featuring Adam Levine.
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Sketches include "Hardball", "JJ Casuals", "Good Morning Meth", "The Falconer", "Thomas & Dobbins", "The Soaking Wet Killer", "Refurbishments", "Butt Pregnancy", "Stachin'", "McNutly & Sons", and "American Tasar". Foo Fighters perform "DOA" and "Best of You".
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Natalie Portman hosts this episode and Fall Out Boy is the musical guest. The Cold Opening is a Message from President George W. Bush(Will Forte) who addresses the public on issues of secret White House activity and Vice-President Dick Cheney's(Darrell Hammond) hunting accident. Natalie Portman's Monologue consists of her tackling questions raised by "Star Wars" nerds in the audience. Repeat of Nelson Baby Toupees commercial from January 21, 2006, which spoofs Hair Club For Men commercials. Three over-psyched Jamba Juice employees (Portman, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz), have had so much of their own high-energy protein drinks, that they can't stop themselves from offering free boost supplements to their customers. Larry King(Fred Armisen) interviews a group of trans-gendered people who are in the middle of their sex change procedures. TransAmerica star Felicity Huffman(Kristen Wiig) is one of his guests. In the third installment of The Needlers, Dan(Meyers) and Sally Needler(Amy Poehler) seek help from a fertility doctor(Portman) so they can have a baby as an alternative to examining the issue of their troubled marriage. TV Funhouse celebrates a belated Black History moment; 24's Dennis Haysbert(Himself) shows clips from all-black kids' cartoons that failed to make an impact during the 1990's. Nuni Schoener(Portman) brings her college boyfriend Jeff(Jason Sudeikis) home to meet her parents, Nonny(Armisen) and Nunni(Maya Rudolph). Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy Poehler includes Donald Trump(Hammond) disguising himself as Martha Stewart in order to pump his own ego over their "Apprentice" feud, Olympic skater Sasha Cohen(Portman) attempting a second career as a comedienne, and Kenan Thompson introducing a new clothing line geared toward black men in drag. Former "Wake-Up Wakefield" co-host Sheldon(Rachel Dratch) has a Bar-Mitzvah, and watches his short-term ex-girlfriend(Portman) make out with his friend Jonah(Andy Samberg), while Megan (Rudolph) dreams of marrying Adam Levine. This SNL Digital Short is a Chris Parnell interview with Natalie Portman, who raps about a side of herself we've never seen before. Repeat of the Totally Rad Smoke Detector 3000 commercial from episode airing October 29, 2005. Fall Out Boy performs "Dance Dance" and "Sugar, We're Going Down."
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Justin Timberlake is the host and musical guest; in the cold opening, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Kristin Wiig harmonize about the illicit boyfriend they have in Santa Claus; in the opening monologue, Justin sings the Christmas Song with Alvin (Bill Hader) and the Chipmunks (Fred Armisen, Andy Samberg); Holiday charity representatives (Timberlake and Will Forte) square off against each other; a stock boy at Target (Timberlake) fills in for Target Lady (Wiig); Samberg and Timberlake sing "Dick in a Box"; Sandra Day O'Connor (Wiig), Thomas Friedman (Armisen) and former President Jimmy Carter (Darrell Hammond) appear on The Barry Gibb (Jimmy Fallon) show; emotional saps try to restrain their emotions on the game show "Dry Eyes"; Mrs. Hastings (Kenan Thompson) is called in after her stepdaughter (Timberlake) coverts the role of an elf in a school play; Nancy Grace (Poehler) gives her seasons' greetings to the stripper in the Duke University scandal; Timberlake performs "My Love" and "What Goes Around."
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This synopsis is too short and may not include the required detailed description of the entire plot. We normally require that synopses be at least 10 lines long. If you have seen this title, please help us by improving and expanding this synopsis. Sketches Include: Deep House Dish, Bronx Beat, The Apprentice, Julianos Cool Food, Digital Short - Laser Cats 2, Stock Footage Awards, Weekend Update, Acting Workshop - Law & Order, Party Date Setup, and Kaplan, Liebowitz & Dolemite
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Amy Adams hosts the episode, and Vampire Weekend is the musical guest. In the cold opener, Hillary Clinton(Amy Poehler) announces an obviously biased campaign commercial against rival Barack Obama(Fred Armisen). During her monologue, Amy Adams notes her marked resemblance to castmember Kristen Wiig, and both perform their own rendition of the song "What Is This Feeling?" from the Broadway show "Wicked." Adams and Wiig team up again for a spoof of twin sitcoms such as "Sister-Sister" which are often shown in reruns on ABC Family Channel. Dr. Helen Winston(Adams) is a marriage counselor trying to help a man(Will Forte) and his Russian wife(Poehler). During an SNL "Digital Short," Andy Sadberg sings in a Spandau Ballet-type music video, until he becomes a Batman-clone. The only trouble is, he's too busy singing to stop a purse snatcher from victimizing a woman(Adams). Christian Siriano(Poehler) Tim Gunn(Bill Hader), and Heidi Klum(Adams) try to help a woman(Casey Wilson) on a spin-off of "Project Runway," but spent too much time spouting catch-phrases. Weekend Update features Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, and Senator Tim Calhoun(Forte), who announces his campaign for the Presidency. Penelope(Wiig) goes to traffic school, and annoys everybody in class, including the teacher Regina(Adams). Dr. Uncle Jimmy's Smokehouse and Outpaitient Surgical Facility pitches for themselves in a commercial, boasting of their food, surgery, and their recognition by the Guinness Book of World Records and Arkansas Medical Review Board. Even Ellen Pompeo(Adams) from "Grey's Anatomy" stops by to endorse Jimmy's Smokehouse, until she finds out what it really is. Controversial former baseball veteran Roger Clemens(Jason Sudekis) writes a play endorsing steroid use in baseball. Tookie Styles(Kenan Thompson) does a commercial for a DVD of old episodes of his public-access Cable TV show. Four women(Adams, Poehler, Wiig, and Wilson) perform an old eighth grade dance routine during every song played at a local bar in order to impress men. Vampire Weekend performs the songs "A-Punk" and "M79."
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Shia LaBeouf hosts this episode, and My Morning Jacket is the musical guest. In the cold opener, Hillary Clinton (Amy Poheler) vows to be a sore loser if she doesn't win the 2008 Democratic Primaries. LeBeouf's monologue involves surprise visits from characters of past Indiana Jones movies. MacGruber's(Will Forte's) son comes out of the closet during an attempt to diffuse a bomb. A parody of 70's game show "Match Game" goes wrong when the host is found murdered, and the panel are prime suspects. Hardcore inmate Lorenzo McIntosh (Kenan Thompson) tries to scare a trio of young punks out of a life of crime. Financial expert Suze Orman (Kristen Wiig) gives more advice. An SNL Digital Short encourages walking around without pants. On Weekend Update, Liberty City residents speak out against the negative portrayal of their community by the video game "Grand Theft Auto IV." A Spanish-speaking television reporter interviews LaBeouf, and is convinced he was originally born female. Two young women go to a restaurant and get the attention of six lovestruck, creepy guys. A mother tries desperately to get her daughters to dress the way she thinks typical stylish New Yorkers do.
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room. "My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on." He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire." Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time. "He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network." He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says. He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says. "Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer. He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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After Mayor Bloomberg (Armesin) assures Wall Street protesters that they are welcome in New York City, Anna Faris hosts. She's also a femme-fatale decoy on the Manuel Ortiz show, takes part in a game show "What's Wrong with Tanya," appears on a Michigan State University TV show of faux Japanese pop pundits, joins a Ronette-style girl group singing advice about boys to one of their friends, and introduces her childlike Elizabethan-clothed boyfriend to her family. Drake performs and is also featured in an SNL digital short, "Short Interviews with Drake."
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After Greta Van Susteren interviews Donald Trump, Katy Perry hosts. She's an MSNBC commentator on Al Sharpton's show, Florence Welch in a promo for a dog film's soundtrack, Duchess Catherine's raucous sister Pippa having a chat with the Queen, Christina Aguilera in a promo for "The Apocalypse", and a Hello Kitty aficionado on MSU's campus parody of Japanese pop. She also sings about best friends, chats with Kalle, an eerie and robotic Finnish talk show host, and finds her soul mate at a bar while a jazz trio plays. On "Weekend Update," an American Airlines pilot apologizes to Alec Baldwin. Cameos by Matt Damon, Val Kilmer, Darrell Hammond, and Alec Baldwin. Robyn performs.
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The lights go up in the Kodak theater and out comes Morgan Freeman. He opens with history: apparently movies have changed since they began, but we still really like them (paraphrase).
The curtain opens and the video begins. Billy Crystal strapped to a chair in black and white silent "The Artist", being totured to host (so say the cards between scenes). He makes a plug for his movie "Parental Guidance" coming out in November.
Then it's the always-game George Clooney, doing the scene from "The Descendants" where he begs his comatose wife to wake up. Except it's Billy. George fully commits, even going in for the kiss on the lips. George asks Billy to host and promises the youngest, hippest writers in town.
Cut to guys around the table in "Moneyball" -- all oldsters. Jonah Hill agrees he doesn't have enough jokes.
Cut to the car from "Midnight in Paris" pulling up to Billy -- with Justin Bieber inside, "I'm here to get you the 18 to 24 demographic".Pan back to Sammy Davis Jr. (Billy) in the car with Biebs, off to hang out with Hemingway and then go kill Hitler. Billy puts on his Miracle Max and wishes them good luck storming the fuhrer.Biebs signs off with "Good luck, Bob".
(Wrong name intentional.)
Then cut to Billy from the scene in "The Help" -- scarfing down Minny's s*** pie. It tastes delicious.
And then we see the first woman in the Oscars pooping in a sink -- the scene from "Bridesmaids".
He runs and sits down to watch movies from "Hugo" as Tom Cruise busts in the room through the window a la "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol".
Billy chases his reels of movies out the window and ends up in "Tin Tin" racing down the hill on a bike, through motion capture.He flies through the air, into his tux and passed reels of scenes from the nominated movies.He comes out on stage and waves to all the pretty people in the crowd.
He acknowledges the applause. "Wow, that was extremely loud and incredible close," he says.This is the ninth time he's hosted. "Just call me 'War Horse'."They're in the "Chapter 11 theater".
Billy tries a James Earl Jones imitation, quoting "baseball" from "Field of Dreams". It's funny because James Earl Jones says it quickly?
"So tonight, enjoy yourself because nothing can take the sting out the world's economic problems like millionaires presenting each other with golden statues," he closes.
And then it's time for "It's a Wonderful Night for Oscar". He breaks into song. "You didn't think I wasn't going to do this did you?"There are nine movies, a lot to cram in."War House" gets the "Mr. Ed" treatment. "Hugo" to "That's Amore"
"There's no Pesci, no Bob, there's no killing -- no mob, that's Hugo. Tell the truth, for the sequel I prefer you don't be so arty -- ax the kid, shoot Ben Kingsley in the head, 'cuz you're Marty!"He heard "The Tree of Life" even freaked out God."The Descendents" bit ends with a joke about George ending up in bed with Oscar tonight.
Tom Hanks is out to present the first award. He invites everyone in the audience to take note of their seat relative to seal filler Carl Swabo (cut to an old guy in a powder blue tux), who has been filling seats at the Oscars for 59 years. He is currently filling Jennifer Lopez's seat, who is backstage.
He introduces Achievement in Cinematography. The winner is Robert Richardson for "Hugo".He says what everyone is thinking: "I can't believe somebody put cinematography first, it can only go up from this point." Then he thanks some people.
Achievement in Art Direction is next. "Hugo" wins again. 
We're back and Billy is back at the "Your Name Here" theater, which he says was designed to look like the movie palaces of our youth.
Time for a trip down movie memory lane, clips from "Forrest Gump" followed by "Titantic" followed by one of those vampire movies the kids today like so much. Hey, it's "Princess Bride"! And Patrick Swayze in "Ghost" and "Jaws" and "Raiders" and top scenes from movie history -- "You can't handle the truth!"
Luke uses the Force, ET wants go home, Jake Lamotta wins, Dustin Hoffman is walking here! Meg Ryan fakes it in a diner.
Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez are out next for Achievement in Costume Design. The nominees are accompanied by introduction from the designers or stars of the movie, talking about why the costumes matter. 
The Oscar goes to Mark Bridges for "The Artist". "I want to thank the Academy for making a lifelong dream come true," he says.
Back to J-Lo and Cameron for Make-up. Glenn Close says she wouldn't have done the movie without the wig man. Warrick Davis, from "Harry Potter", says it's odd to look in the mirror and see nothing of yourself.
J Lo and Cameron return to announce the winner, with their backsides pointed at the audience. The bit doesn't take and they tell the audience to loosen up. Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland for "The Iron Lady" win. "Thanks Meryl, for keeping me employed for the last 37 years," Helland says.
Cut to a pre-recorded bit with stars talking about why they love the movies. Morgan Freeman remembers seeing the original "King Kong". Adam Sandler's first movie was "Diamonds Are Forever". Reese Witherspoon's family went to the movies every Sunday night.
Brad Pitt saw "The Gargantuas". Steve Carell members getting to stay up past his bedtime.
Hillary Swank remembers connecting to the outsiders on screen.Tom Cruise remembers recreating scenes in his backyard.
Barbra Streisand (fixing her hair) remembers dreaming in the movies.
Adam Sandler remembers talking about Sean Connery, "his performance and his chest hair and saying, can I please do that?"
Sandra Bullock comes out to present best foreign language movie and deadpans that because of the giant international audience, she's been asked to present in Mandarin Chinese. She warns us that because her mother spoke German to her growing up, her Chinese has a slight German accent.She starts speaking German.
The subtitles remind us movies are universal.
Clips from the nominees roll. The Oscar goes to "A Separation", from Iran. It's the first Iranian movie to ever win an Oscar.
The director thanks his studio and says he knows Iranians are watching and he knows they're happy at this moment, "not just because of an important award or a film, or a film maker, but because at the time when talk of war, intimidation and aggression is exchanged between politicians, the name of their country, Iran, is spoken here through her glorious culture. A rich and ancient culture that has been hidden under the heavy dust of politics. I proudly offer this award to the people of my country, people who respect all cultures and civilizations and despise hostility and resentment. Thank you so much," he says.
Billy is back out. "A dark knight, an american psycho, a charismatic crack addict - you'll get to choose one on Super Tuesday," he zings. But right now, "be careful, you're in his eye line", welcome Christian Bale.
He's introducing Actress in a Supporting Role, who have nothing in common except that four are first time nominees. We see clips from the movies. They skip the bathroom scene from "Bridesmaids" and show Melissa McCarthy hitting on her real life husband on the airplane.
The Oscar goes to Octavia Spencer from "The Help". She's helped up on stage by her director, and tires to avoid tripping on her dress. She gets a standing ovation.
She thanks her family in Alabama, the state of Alabama, her "Help" family. She fights back tears. She sees the "please wrap up" and says she's wrapping up and "freaking out". Christian Bale helps her off stage.
Billy says that moment for Octavia is what the Oscars are all about and when he saw it, he wanted to hug the first black woman he saw, "which from Beverly Hills is about a 45 minute drive."
He explains to us about focus groups and how they began in 1939 at MGM and Louis B Mayer taped their reactions. He introduces footage from a screening of "The Wizard of Oz".
Bob Balaban comes out in black and write, the audience is Christopher Guest's regulars. Fred Willard loves the flying monkeys. Christopher Guest "didn't get the thing with the kids". The munchkins.Eugene Levy found them irritating and suggests they cut the rainbow song. Catherine O'Hara butchers "Over the Rainbow", "If dirty little monkey fly...."
Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper are out next to present editing. Cooper quotes Ridley Scott saying collaboration between a film editor and director is a like a marriage.
Tina's turn: "And just like in marriage, they spend all their time in a dark windowless room, ordering in food and looking at pictures of other people."
Achievement in Film Editing, with clips of cast and crew talking briefly about the process.The Oscar goes Kurt Baxter and Angus Wall for "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", who won last year for "The Social Network".
They say they weren't expecting it and their rambling proves it, although they do name check "the Roones" (Rooney Mara) from on stage."Let's get out of here," one says after a few seconds."Yea, we're editors."
They leave.
Achievement in Sound Editing. The Oscar goes to Philip Stockton and Eugene Gearty for "Hugo".They get on stage, one leaves the mike for the other."You go," he says."No, Hugo," says the other.The audience groans. Sound editor humor!
"I just want to thank everybody who's here tonight, and everybody who isn't, and everybody who's ever been born, or may be born, or born again or reborn. If I've forgotten anybody, then you probably know who you are," says one.
Then Achievement in Sound Mixing.The Oscar goes to Tom Fleischman and John Midgley for "Hugo".
Back after a break to Miss Piggy and Kermit in a loge. Piggy wants to get on the stage. "It's about time Spielberg left some for the rest of us!" Piggy says. They're there to talk about their memorable first movie experience. Kermit was at a drive-in, trying to avoid getting run over by a Studebaker.They introduce a bit by Cirque du Soliel, with music by Danny Elfman.
The Cary Grant scene on a open road from "North by Northwest" leads to two men in suits flying through the theater over the heads of the audience. Then "Metropoolis" is the backdrop for a tumbling routine in which four people are flipped, seated, from the feet of other performers. a man and woman from the audience are taken up on stage in their seats.
The cast watches the audience, reacting to the screen. There's lots of spinning and flying and contorting and Cirque du Soleil-ing. the couple in their seats is suspended high over the stage. A woman stands on her hands on an audience chair. It's worth a YouTube.
They get a standing ovation.
Then Billy Crystal is back. "Wow, I pulled a ham string just watching that," he says.He segues into talking about age. Christopher Plummer is 82. "He may be walking up on stage tonight, because apparently he wanders off," he says.
Welcome Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr.Downey Jr. comes on late after Tebowing in the wings. He's followed by a camera crew on stage. He's filming a documentary called "The Presenter".He warns her not to talk when he's talking because "it'll be a nightmare in post". They want to have it on NetFlix by midnight.The camera crew crowds Gwynnie. She pulls Downey Jr. close, zoom in by the camera, and tells him he's being disrespectful and disruptive. He tells her he turned down "The Descendants" to prep for this.
He introduces the nominees.The Oscar goes to "Undefeated", by TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Rich Middlemas. "A year ago today we were sitting in our editing room, depressed, thinking no one was ever going to see this movie and a friend said, 'Don't worry, a year from now you're going to be at the Oscars'. And we said, 'You're an idiot'. We'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to him and say, 'You're a lot smarter than we thought'."We have the first bleep of the evening as one tries to acknowledge how crazy it is. "Documentary!", another covers.
They get played off.
Following that bleep, Chris Rock is up. He says he loves animation because you can play anything you want to be. Fat women can play thing, a white man can play an Arabian price. A black man can play a zebra or a donkey.He hates when people say it's hard work, it's the easiest job in the world. "I go in a booth and I go, 'What's the line?' and the guy goes, 'it's time to go to the store' and I go 'it's time to go to the store.'""And then they give me a million dollars!"
Best Animated Feature Film nominees roll. The Oscar goes "Rango", directed by Gore Verbinski.
He says the movie was like playing and thanks the studio for letting him try something different.
Cut to Billy Crystal in his dressing room. He opens the door and is greeted by Melissa McCarthy in character, suggesting they make the dressing room "an undressing room". She puts her foot up on the door, then puts the other foot up. It's time for best visual effects, presented by Ben Stiller and Emma Stone.
She goes full "Price is Right" presenter, then says it's her first time presenting. She suggests they banter and he shut her down, but really he's OK with it. Or she'll make up a song about "Real Steel" and "Hugo," she tries a few notes. She invites Jonah Hill up on stage to dance, but he gives her the no-go.Ben Stiller says you don't want to be the presenter who tries too hard."Like the guy who would dresses up in full 'Avatar' or something?"
Time for the nominees, with more commentary from cast and crew. For "Real Steel" they built the robots and then remade them as CGI. The Oscar goes to the team from "Hugo".
"I know it's an honor to be nominated, but it's a huge thrill to win," says the winner.
Billy Crystal is back and tells us the Harry Potter movies made $7.7 billion dollars. "And yet they only paid 14 percent income tax, which is interesting" he jokes.
Welcome Melissa Leo, 2011 Best Supporting Actress winner.She says some standard highfalutin actor praise to introduce the scenes. (Jason Segel is sitting behind nominee Nick Nolte and looks a little frightened.)The Oscar goes to Christopher Plummer for "Beginners". It's his first win, making him the oldest actor ever to win.He gets a standing O. (And he's wearing a velvet tux, thankyouverymuch.)
He soaks in the applause. He examines his statue. "You're only two years older than me, darling. Where have you been all my life?" he says.He confesses that when he emerged from his mother's womb, he was already rehearsing his acceptance speech. But, he jokes, lucky for you, he's forgotten it. He acknowledges his fellow nominees and his director and costar Ewan McGregor - "who I would happily share this award with if I had any decency, but I don't."He thanks his agents provacateur, who have tried so hard to keep him out of jail.
He thanks his "long suffering wife, Elaine, who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize."
Billy Crystal introduces a bit, about how he has the ability to know what nominees are thinking.Cut to Brad Pitt. "This better not go to late, I have six parent-teacher conferences in the morning," Billy offers.Morgan Freeman: "For 20 days and 20 nights, the emperor penguin...."George Clooney: "Billy didn't tell me that kiss was being filmed."Viola Davis: "I want to thank my agent, I want to thank my writer and my director for creating the role of a strong black woman that wasn't played by Tyler Perry."The dog from "The Artist": "If I had 'em, I'd lick 'em."
Then the president of the Academy to drone about promoting excellence in the motion picture industry. He gives a special thank you to Billy and the producers. (A subtle kick at Brett Ratner and Eddie Murphy.)
After that dry bit, Billy thanks him for "whipping the crowd into a frenzy".
Introduces the musical interlude, Oscar theme by Hans Zimmer. An elaborate set of sheet music rises majestically from below the stage for a few bars. and after that grand display, Billy concludes with "Meh" and jokes that this is why there's a buffet.
Penelope Cruz and Owen Wilson are out next to introduce Best Original Score.The Oscar goes to "The Artist," Ludovic Bource.He stops to shake the hands of his fellow nominees on the way up. He tells his wife in French that he loves her.
Will Ferrell and Zach Galfianakas are introduced and come up out of the orchestra pit, solemnly banging cymbals in white tails. They stop to crash in Brad Pitt's face, then take the stage. Zach mispronounces his own name."As serious musicians, it is our pleasure to step out a minute from our day jobs to present the Oscar for best original song," says Will.
Zach points out that one of our nominees will join the ranks of 'When You Wish Upon a Star", "Moon River" and "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp".Clips of the nominees play - all two of them.
There's lots of fumbling of cymbals as they try to open the envelope. Bret McKenzie wins for "The Muppets", he says he was a huge fan of the Muppets growing up and he was genuinely star struck when he met Kermit the Frog. "But once you get to know him, he's just a normal frog. And like a lot of stars here tonight, he's shorter in person," he says.Then he thanks the people on the film (although not Jason Segel, who wrote it, starred in it and who the camera cuts to the audience).
Cigarette girls pass out popcorn into the commercial.
Billy proposes to the front row that they chip in and buy the Dodgers.
Billy botches his intro of Angelina Jolie and does mock rewind, to get out her intro as "the original girl with the dragon tattoo."No one hears what she says because the slit in her dress goes all the way up her leg, which she shows off.She introduces best adapted screenplay.
The Oscar goes to Alexander Payne, Jim Rash and Nat Faxon for "The Descendants".Nat and Jim are former members of the Groundlings, which explains why Jim sticks out his leg saucily, a la Angelina. Alexander points out his mom in the audience and says that his mom made him promise he'd dedicate the award to her, "just like Javier Bardem did".
Angelina is back to introduce the nominees for Best Original Screenplay. The Oscar goes to Woody Allen, for "Midnight in Paris". Naturally, he's not there.
More stars talk about what makes a great movie. Reese Witherspoon confesses "Overboard" is her favorite movie.Robert Downey Jr. suggests that's a great question to have Werner Herzog complicate. He obliges, but saying "it sticks to you forever". Huh?
Robert De Niro likes "A Place in the Sun".Warren Beatty says "every once in a while you get the truth from a movie".Brad Pitt sees moments of nobility.Sasha Baron Cohen says he always tries to make movies he would want to watch. "And I just happen to want to watch some really sick stuff."
Adam Sandler says one day he wants to eventually tell the truth, which adds a whole new backstory to "Jack and Jill".
Mila Jovovich strolls out to wrap up the scientific and technical awards. High speed digital cameras were recognized, as was a new gyro-camera system.
Billy is back and introduces the entire Bridesmaids cast. (Alas, Melissa McCarthy and Kristin Wiig have already lost their categories.)Kristin says they're there to show that size does matter.But not length, says Maya."As my grandma used to say, it can be short and still make your toes curl. And I believe in my heart that my grandma was referring not to wieners, but to short films," Maya goes on.
"I'd rather have a short film, with some heft that's nice to me than a long film that just lies there and makes you do all the work," Kristen says.They introduce the nominees.
The Oscar goes to "The Shore", by Terry George and his daughter Oorlagh George.Terry introduces his daughter, the producer. "Now I don't have to wait for her wedding to tell the world how great she is," he says. He dedicates the award to the Irish. She salutes her mom.
Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy give a solemn intro about short documentaries until someone shouts out "Scorsese!" at which point they remove the travel-sized vodkas from their dresses and do a shot.The Oscar goes to "Saving Face" by Daniel Junge and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy.
Daniel thanks HBO and hands it over to Sharmeen, who thanks the heroes on the ground in Pakistan, including the plastic surgeon who is working on the women in the film. She urges the women of Pakistan who are working for change not to give up on their dreams.
On to best animated short film.The Oscar goes to "the Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore".They sing the praises of movies and thank the people who inspired and moved them.
Michael Douglas is out next to present Directing. He tells a story about Oscar-winning director Leo McCarey trying to borrow money from a bank, being asked what a director does. "Leo paused, then he went to another bank," he says.
The Oscar goes to Michel Hazanavicius for "The Artist"."I have an Oscar...I forgot my speech. I am the happiest director in the world right now, thank you for that," he says. He thanks the producers, the cast and crew and the dog," he says.
Meryl Streep is up next. Billy notes she's won twice of the 17 times she's been nominated so the other times she had to put on a happy face and be glad when someone else won. He suggests she get an Oscar just for that.
She wraps up the Governors Awards, honoring Oprah Winfrey, James Earl Jones and Dick Smith (make-up artist). James Earl accepts his honorary Oscar onstage in London where he's performing in "Driving Miss Daisy".Oprah starts crying and calls her recognition "unimaginable". Dick Smith calls it one of the best nights of his life.
The three honorees get a standing O from the crowd.
Then it's time for the In Memoriam segment, including two former Oscars producers, Laura Ziskin and Gil Gates. Billy speaks personally about Gil, a dear friend, who brought him to the awards.
The segment is set Esperanza Spaulding singing "What a Wonderful World". They show clips of some of the actor's most famous lines, including Peter Falk saying "As you wish".
More actors talk about movies, including Julia Roberts talking about relating and Phillip Seymour Hoffman saying you can feel them in your gut.Robert Downey Jr. talks about the finish product ideal being threatened by anyone being selfish or fearful.
"You're fighting with every ounce you have to make sure you will love it forever and when it doesn't turn out that way, it's painful. That's why people are weird who make movies, it's because they care more about their film than themselves," Jonah Hill says.
Edward Norton talks about marveling at great films.
"I've never had any of those feelings," Billy Crystal says when he comes back.
Natalie Portman is out next to present Best Actor. She talks to each man in the audience, complementing Damian Bichir for helping the audience relate to someone they usually don't think about in "A Better Life".
George Clooney "managed to make us believe you were just a regular guy...you subtlely and movingly conveyed the tricky mix of betrayal and grief" in "The Descendants".
Jean Dujardin "spoke volumes" in the silent film "The Artist".
Gary Oldman in "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" with incredible nuance and restraint earned his first nomination.
Brad Pitt, "we were not watching a baseball story, because of your work we were watching an under dog story" in "Moneyball".
The Oscar goes to Jean Dujardin for "The Artist".
"I love your country," he says. He reads from his speech, noting that Douglas Fairbanks hosted the Oscars in 1929. Tickets cost $5 and the ceremony lasted 15 minutes. "Times have changed," he says.He pays homage to Douglas Fairbanks, acknowledges his wife and shouts out "awesome!" in French. ("Formidable!")
"They must be going nuts in France right now, or whatever they have in France in place of joy," Billy says.
Last year's Best Actor winner Colin Firth is out to address the Best Actress nominees.Glenn Close for "Alfred Nobbs": "the range of roles you've played over the years displays a brilliance of somewhat bewildering proportions".
Viola Davis for "The Help": "An actress who we've admired for many years has ventured even deeper into our imagination and will remain there for many years to come."
Rooney Mara: "In a very short space of time you presence has come to seem indispensable." (They show the scene of her torturing her rapist, yikes.)
Meryl Streep: "Mamma Mia...We were in Greece, we danced, I was gay and we were happy. I probably fathered your only daughter, they were perplexing times." He calls her "unreasonably good", making it a "little bit more difficult for the rest of us".
Michelle Williams: he calls her his mentor when they first met, and they can leave aside the fact that she was 12 and he was 35.
The Oscar goes to Meryl Streep, who has come dressed as Oscar.
They stand up.
"Oh, come on! When they called my name I had this feeling that I could hear half of America going, 'Oh c'mon, why her again?' But whatever," she says.She starts by thanking her husband for everything she values in her life.Then she thanks her make-up artist Roy Helland.
"I really understand I'll never want to be up here again, I really want to thank all my colleagues, all my friends. I look out here and I see my life before my eyes, my old friends, my new friends," she says.
"This is such a great honor, but the thing that counts the most with me is the friendships and the love and the sheer joy we have shared making movies together."
And then there was one, notes Billy.
Tom Cruise is out to present the award for Best Picture. They show clips from each.The Oscar goes to "The Artist".
They bring the dog up on the stage. Thomas Langmann, the producer, pays tribute to Oscar winner Claude Berri. Michel tells his kids it's 6:30 a.m. in France and they should go to bed in 30 seconds. He thanks his wife, the film's star Bérénice Bejo and says she's the soul of the film. Then he thanks three people: Billy Wilder, Billy Wilder and Billy Wilder.
Billy comes out and says good night.







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Lawrence Welk takes us to Italy where Johnny Prosciutto sings to the Merril sisters from the Finger Lakes. Mick Jagger hosts: he plays a movie action hero who discloses his real personality on a game show, a London economist speaking for J.P. Morgan in an interview with Al Sharpton, an insurance agent reluctant to sing karaoke, a dad on a soap opera, Steven Tyler as a TV host and a pitchman, and an M.C. at graduation. The digital short is "Lazy Sunday 2." Jagger sings with Arcade Fire, the Foo Fighters, and Jeff Beck. Cameos are plentiful, and the spotlight is on Kristen Wiig in her final appearance as a regular cast member.
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After a defeated Mitt Romney (Sudeikis) goes on a lactose binge, Anne Hathaway hosts: the SNL cast joins her in a faux song from "Les Mis," and she plays a new best friend on a teen talk show, a woman transfixed by a dancing Japanese zombie, a McDonald's manager about to announce layoffs, an addled Carrie Mathison in a spoof of "Homeland," Katie Holmes guesting on "Ellen," and the woman posing for Grant Woods's "American Gothic." President Obama (Pharoah), two gay lobstermen from Maine, and Drunk Uncle appear on "Weekend Update." Rihanna sings "Diamonds" and "Stay." Flaritin, a pill for fake allergies, sponsors the show.
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After Paula Broadwell (Strong) reads salacious pages from her biography of David Petraeus, Jeremy Renner hosts, playing rejected movie theme songs on a piano, an attorney on "The Californians," a gunman in an intimate Mexican standoff, an arrowless Hawkeye in "The Avengers," a A-list actor in a scene with an over-amped extra, the putative mayor of Tampa commenting about Jill Kelley to CNN, a clueless guy asked to identify his brother's body at a morgue. There's a cartoon about drones, an appearance by Chris Christie on "Weekend Update," a commercial for the Hometown Tourism Board, and performances by Maroon 5 of "One More Night" and "Daylight."
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America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 38th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Fred Armisen, Vanessa Bayer, Bill Hader, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson, featuring Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, Tim Robinson, and Cecily Strong. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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After President Obama (Pharoah) explains sequestration, Kevin Hart hosts: he plays Quvenzhane Wallis as the new Pope, a bitten interloper on "The Walking Dead," a horse-phobic guest on Steve Harvey's show, an over-amped pitchman for Z-shirts, Seth Meyer's partner in a "Really?!" sketch, the neck-braced host of "360 News," an actor reading for a Dove Chocolate commercial, a guy pitching a product on "Shark Tank," a bookstore manager who has to fire someone, and a gadfly at a funeral. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (with Wanz) perform "Thrift Shop" and "Can't Hold Us"; a spoof of Starbucks Verismo airs. Written by
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America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noxc3x83xc2xabl Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noxc3x83xc2xabl Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noël Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noël Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noël Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noël Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 39th season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Vanessa Bayer, Taran Killam, Seth Meyers, Bobby Moynihan, Nasim Pedrad, Jay Pharoah, Kenan Thompson, featuring Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, John Milhiser, Kyle Mooney, Mike O'Brien, Cecily Strong, Noël Wells, and Brooks Wheelan. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Guardians of the Galaxy star Chris Pratt hosts Saturday Night Live's 40th season premiere with musical guest Ariana Grade. Sketches include Marvel Trailer, HeMan & Lion-O, CNN State of the Union - NFL Cold Open, Cialis Turnt and Booty Rap. |
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Saturday Night Live alum Sarah Silverman returns as host while musical guest Maroon 5 makes their fifth appearance on the show. Sketches include Joan Rivers, Whites, Weekend Update: What You Can Say, Car Ride and Poem. |
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Bill Hader makes his hosting debut alongside musical guest Hozier. Sketches include Herb Welch: Virginity Pledge Rally, YA Trailer, Hollywood Game Night, Weekend Update: Stefon Returns, Puppet Class and Cat. |
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Jim Carrey returns as host for the third time while musical guest Iggy Azalea makes her SNL debut. Sketches include Halloween Party, Ghost Chasers, Carrey Family Reunion, Lincoln Ad and Weekend Update: Drunk Uncle on Halloween. |
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Cameron Diaz hosts Saturday Night Live for the fourth time while Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars serve as musical guest. Sketches include Back Home Ballers, Capitol Hill Cold Open, New Annie, High School Theater Show and Office Boss. |
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James Franco hosts Saturday Night Live for the third time while Nicki Minaj makes her second appearance as musical guest. Sketches include Peter Pan Live!, Star Wars Teaser, Brain Space, Kid Mayor and Porn Stars with James Franco and Seth Rogen.
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Martin Freeman makes his Saturday Night Live hosting debut while Charli XCX serves as musical guest. Sketches include The Hobbit Office, Sump'n Claus, Church, Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy on Hanukkah and Waterbed Commercial. |
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Amy Adams returns to host Saturday Night Live while One Direction makes their third appearance as musical guest. Sketches include Christmas Serial, Girlfriends Talk Show with Amy Adams and One Direction, Tenderfield Video Christmas Card, Sam/Smith Dr. Evil Cold Open and Office Christmas Party.
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Kevin Hart hosts Saturday Night Live for the second time while Sia makes her debut as musical guest. Sketches include MLK Cold Open, Kevin Hart Monologue, Calvin Klein Ad, Why'd You Post That, Bushwick, Brooklyn 2015 and Kevin's Son. |
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Blake Shelton pulls double duty as host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live. Sketches include Blake Shelton's Hee-Haw Monologue, Farm Hunk, Wishin' Boot, Celebrity Family Feud and Weekend Update: Riblet. |
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J.K. Simmons makes his hosting debut while D'Angelo serves as musical guest. Sketches include Super Bowl Shut Down, J.K. Simmons Monologue, Teacher Snow Day, Totino's Super Bowl Commercial and The Jay Z Story. |
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Actress Dakota Johnson hosts SNL for the first time while Alabama Shakes returns as musical guest. Sketches include Giuliani Cold Open, Father Daughter Ad, Say What You Wanna Say, Press Junket, I Can't and Emergency Room. |
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Host Chris Hemsworth and musical guest Zac Brown Band make their SNL debuts. Sketches include Hillary Cold Open, American Express Ad, Brother 2 Brother, Empire Promo, Spaceship, The Iggy Azalea Show, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Dating in New York, Weekend Update: Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation with at a Party on Boko Haram, Avengers News Report, Movie Set, Reality House and Porn Stars: Dolce & Gabbana.
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Dwayne Johnson hosts for the fourth time while musical guest George Ezra makes his SNL debut. Sketches include The Rock Obama Cold Open, Dwayne Johnson's Franchise Viagra Monologue, Pepboys, WWE Promo Shoot, New Disney Movie, Dinner Date, The Jungle, Brogaine, Weekend Update: Olya Povlatsky on the Russian Economy, Weekend Update: Willie Is Excited for Spring, Cooking with Paul, Improv Show, Interrogation, and Circus with Kyle.
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Michael Keaton hosts for the third time while musical guest Carly Rae Jepsen makes her SNL debut. Sketches include NCAA Tournament Cold Open, Michael Keaton Tribute Monologue, CNN Newsroom, Prom Queen, Easter Hotline, Ad Agency, Neutrology Music Video, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on The Walking Dead Season Finale, Weekend Update: Jebidiah Atkinson Reviews Television Shows, Smart Home, and Easter Candy.
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Taraji P. Henson makes her hosting debut alongside second-time musical guest Mumford & Sons. Sketches include Hillary Election Video Cold Open, Taraji P. Henson's I Made It Monologue, Depend Legends, Teacher Trial, Home 2, QVC, Game of Thrones, Weekend Update: Cecilia Gimenez on Lucille Ball Statue, Weekend Update: Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy Explains Passover, Hollywood Game Night with Taraji P. Henson, Vlog with Taraji P. Henson, Sesame Street Promo, Their Own League, and Connectatron
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Scarlett Johansson hosts for the fourth time alongside musical guest Wiz Khalifa in his SNL debut. Sketches include Mayweather-Pacquiao Cold Open, Scarlett Johansson Monologue, Right Side of the Bed with Scarlett Johansson, Orioles, Black Widow Trailer, Girlfriends Talk Show: Prom Queen Camden, Weekend Update: Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Marriage Equality, Weekend Update: Game of Thrones's Samwell Tarly and Gilly, Weekend Update: Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal on the NBA Playoffs, Dino Bones, Blazer, Virgin Flight, and Jingle Writers.
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Reese Witherspoon makes her second appearance as host alongside musical guest Florence + the Machine. Sketches include 2016 Republicans Cold Open, Mother's Day Apologies Monologue with Reese Witherspoon, The L.A. Scene, Picture Perfect, Mr. Westerberg, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Social Media, Weekend Update: Colin Jost and Michael Che Read Their Mothers' Jokes, Weekend Update: Two Girls You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation with at a Party, Weekend Update: Willie on Graduation, High School Theatre Show, Southern Ladies, Waterslide, and Whiskers R' We Spring Cat Giveaway.
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Louis C.K. returns as host for the third time while Rihanna makes her fifth appearance as musical guest. Sketches include Summertime Cold Open, Louis C.K. Monologue, The Shoemaker & The Elves, This Is How I Talk, Wood PSA #1, Weekend Update: Tom Brady, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Turning 21, Weekend Update: Riblet Interrupts Cut Jokes, Cabana, Police Lineup, Wood PSA #2, and Forgotten TV Gems: Whoops! I Married a Lesbian.
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Miley Cyrus serves as host and musical guest for the season 41 premiere. Sketches include Donal and Melania Trump Cold Open, Miley Cyrus Monologue, Abilify for Candidates, 50's Dance, Hillary Clinton Bar Talk, Weekend Update: Pope Francis, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson's Trumpdate, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Texting Etiquette, Millennials, Katz' Deli, The Squad, American Voices, and Miley Wedding Tape.
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Amy Schumer makes her hosting debut alongside The Weeknd, who serves as musical guest for the first time. Sketches include Fox & Friends: Speaker of the House Cold Open, Amy Schumer Monologue, Delta Flight, Porn Teacher, Guns, Weekend Update: Colin Jost and Michael Che Talk Gun Control, Weekend Update: Solomon, Weekend Update Presents The Weeknd Update, Weekend Update: Mrs. Santini on Overcrowded Apartments, Ford's Theatre, Hands-free Selfie-Stick, City Council Meeting, and Baby Shower.
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Tracy Morgan returns to SNL for his second hosting stint while Demi Lovato makes her second appearance as musical guest. Sketches include Democratic Debate Cold Open, Tracy Morgan Monologue, Family Feud-Extended Family, Brian Fellow's Safari Planet: A Beaver and a Camel, Mitchell's Fake Cocaine, Weekend Update: Colin Jost and Michael Che on Presidential Candidates, Weekend Update: Tina Fey on Playboy, Weekend Update: Willie on Halloween, Good Morning Song, Standoff, Yo! Where Jackie Chan at Right Now?, and Astronaut Jones: The Martian.
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Donald Trump hosts for the second time alongside musical guest Sia, also making her second appearance. Sketches include MSNBC Forum Cold Open, Donald Trump Monologue, White House 2018, Bad Girls, Live Tweeting, Hotline Bling Parody, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Gender Roles, Weekend Update: Drunk Uncle on Donald Trump, Rock Band, Crocker Family Dinner, Toots Intro, and Porn Stars: Donald Trump.
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Elizabeth Banks makes her SNL hosting debut alongside musical guest Disclosure, who performs with special guests Lorde and Sam Smith. Sketches include SNL Paris Opening, Elizabeth Banks Monologue, Aron's List, Black Jeopardy with Elizabeth Banks, First Got Horny 2 U, High School Theatre Show with Elizabeth Banks, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Transgender Rights, Weekend Update: Bruce Chandling on Women, Weekend Update: Olya Povlatsky on Russia's Track Team, Young Ben Carson, Walk-On Role, Uber for Jen, and So Ghetto.
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Matthew McConaughey hosts SNL for the first time in a decade alongside musical guest Adele, who makes her second appearance on the show. Sketches include Fox & Friends: Syrian Refugee Crisis Cold Open, Matthew McConaughey Monologue, A Thanksgiving Miracle, Blues Shack, 3D Printer Man, Star Wars Auditions, Weekend Update: Colin Jost and Michael Che on the Syrian Refugee Crisis, Weekend Update: Laura Parsons, Weekend Update: Colin Jost and Michael Che Exchange Jokes, Weekend Update: David Ortiz on Retirement, Should You Chime In on This?, Right Side of the Bed with Matthew McConaughey, and Town Hall Meeting.
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Ryan Gosling makes his hosting debut alongside first-time musical guest Leon Bridges. Sketches include Donald and Melania Trump Christmas Cold Open, Ryan Gosling Canada Monologue, Settl, Close Encounter, Santa Baby, Birthday Party, Weekend Update: Jill Davenport, Weekend Update: Anthony Crispino and Angelo Skaggs, Hometown Bar, Nespresso, The Wiz, and Santa & the Elves.
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Chris Hemsworth hosts for the second time while Chance The Rapper makes his musical guest debut. Sketches include Bush Cold Open, Chris Hemsworth Returns Monologue, Star Wars Toy Commercial, On the Record, Time to Bleed, Brother 2 Brother: Wrestling Meet, Christmas Sing Along, Weekend Update: Michael Che and Colin Jost on Donald Trump, Weekend Update: Angela Merkel on TIME Person of the Year, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Breaking Bad, Brunch, Pirate Ship, Male Strippers, and Aron's List.
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Adam Driver makes his SNL hosting debut alongside first-time musical guest Chris Stapleton. Sketches include Republican Debate Cold Open, Adam Driver Monologue, NFL Playoff Game, Undercover Boss: Starkiller Base, Aladdin, America's Funniest Cats, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Guns, Weekend Update: Laura Parsons on El Chapo, Awareness Seminar, Fred Armisen Remembers David Bowie, Golden Globes, and Porn Doctor.
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Ronda Rousey hosts for the first time alongside musical guest Selena Gomez. Sketches include Palin Endorsement Cold Open, Ronda Rousey Monologue, Screen Guild Awards, Love Struck, Bland Man, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on The Revenant, Weekend Update: Willie on Winter, Teacher's Trial with Ronda Rousey, Super Crew, At the Club, City Council with Ronda Rousey, Football Party, and Settl.
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Larry David makes his hosting debut alongside first-time musical guest The 1975. Sketches include Message from Ted Cruz Cold Open, Larry David Monologue, FBI Simulator, Bern Your Enthusiasm, Steam Ship, Totinos, Weekend Update: Sturdy Barbie, Weekend Update: Jon Rudnitsky, Weekend Update: Derek Zoolander & Hansel, Songwriting Class, Peyton & Cam, and Last Call with Larry David.
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Melissa McCarthy hosts alongside musical guest Kanye West. Sketches include Hillary Clinton Cold Open, Melissa McCarthy Five-Timers Monologue, The Day Beyoncé Turned Black, Test Screening, Movie Night, Weekend Update: Rachel from Friends, Weekend Update: Von Miller, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Her Perfect Man, Pick-Up Artist, Kyle vs. Kanye, Bus, and Whiskers R We with Melissa McCarthy.
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Jonah Hill returns for his fourth hosting appearance alongside first-time musical guest Future. Sketches include CNN Election Center Cold Open, Jonah Hill Monologue with Future, Voters for Trump Ad, Fond Du Lac News, The Champ, School Auction, Weekend Update: Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party on the Presidential Primaries, Weekend Update: Vanessa Bayer and Flossie Dickey, Weekend Update: Jay Pharoah on Katt Williams and Kevin Hart's Feud, Murder Mystery, Inside SoCal: Newer One, and Silver Star Catering.
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Peter Dinklage hosts SNL for the first time alongside musical guest Gwen Stefani. Sketches include At This Hour Cold Open, Peter Dinklage Monologue, Winnie the Pooh, Naked & Afraid: Celebrity Edition, Mafia Meeting, Trendy Restaurant, Game of Thrones Sneak Peek, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Hulk Hogan, Weekend Update: David Ortiz's Post-Retirement Plans, Undersea Hotel, Vacation Nightmares, and Corporate Magic Show.
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Russell Crowe hosts SNL with musical guest Margo Price. Sketches include Hillary Clinton Addresses Her Losing Streak Cold Open, Russell Crowe Monologue, Preparation H Ad, Politics Nation: Voter I.D. Disaster, Interactive Museum Exhibit, Match Finders, Weekend Update: Deenie on The People v. O.J., Weekend Update: Bruce Chandling on Sports, 100 Days in the Jungle, Pogie Pepperoni's, Shanice Goodwin, and Oprah.
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus hosts SNL for the third time with musical guest Nick Jonas. Sketches include Brooklyn Democratic Debate Cold Open, Julia Louis-Dreyfus 2016 Monologue, Heroin AM, Huge Jewelry, Pool Boy, Cinema Classics with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, New Mercedes, Weekend Update: Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal on Kobe Bryant's Retirement, Weekend Update: Animal Annie, Weekend Update: One-Dimensional Female Character on Screen Time, Who Works Here?, Match.com Event, and God Is a Boob Man.
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Drake serves as host for the second time and musical guest. Sketches include Donald Trump/Chris Christie Cold Open, Drake More Than a Meme Monologue, Rental Car, American Ninja Warrior, Dennis Walls & The Cookies, Office Boss with Drake, Weekend Update: Olya Povlatsky on Donald Trump, Weekend Update: Leslie Jones on Following Your Dreams, Weekend Update: Jay Pharoah on Rappers Meeting, Black Jeopardy with Drake, Drake's Beef, and Chaperone.
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"Saturday Night Live" pays tribute to the life of Prince Rogers Nelson, whose sudden death at the age of 57 shocked the world, with clips from his performances on his show, an unaired clip from "SNL's" 40th-anniversary party, and several old sketches of "The Prince Show," in which Fred Armisen played the Purple One.
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Margot Robbie hosts Saturday Night Live with musical guest The Weeknd. Sketches include Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton Debate Cold Open, Margot Robbie Monologue, Live Report, The Librarian, Celebrity Family Feud: Political Edition, Weekend Update: Undecided Voter Cathy Anne, Weekend Update: David Ortiz on Yankee Stadium, The Hunch Bunch, Melania Moments, Actress Round Table, and Mr. Robot.
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Lin-Manuel Miranda hosts Saturday Night Live with musical guest Twenty One Pilots. Sketches include VP Debate Cold Open, Lin-Manuel Miranda Monologue, Crucible Cast Party, Substitute Teacher, A Day-Off, Weekend Update: Pete Davidson on Gonig Bald, Weekend Update: Denise McDonough and Doreen Troilo, Wells Fargo Wagon, Diego Calls His Mom, Stranger Things, Melania Moments No. 78: The Dream, WWII Scene
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Emily Blunt hosts with musical guest Bruno Mars. Skits include Trump versus Clinton debate, 2 virgins respond to a sex ad, rap song mimicking Trumps women, limo drive-by to Burger King window, Honda robotic demo, and a hamster cage dispute.
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Chance the Rapper performs "Finish Line/Drown" with Noname and "Same Drugs" and appears in the "Jingle Barack" sketch and the "New York Now" sketch. Alec Baldwin and John Goodman appear as Donald Trump and Rex Tillerson, respectively, in the cold open. They also appear in the opening monologue. Fred Armisen appears in the "Robot Presentation" sketch and on Weekend Update as one of "Vladimir Putin's Best Friends from Growing Up." Darryl McDaniels of Run-D.M.C. appears in the "Jingle Barack" sketch.
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Kristen Stewart slips with the "f" word in her host monologue and jokingly announces this to be her last appearance on the show. Weekend Update anchor Michael Che presses on with a edgy Trump joke despite dissuasion from co-anchor Jost. |
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In cold open Kate McKinnon spoofs under-fire Attorney General Jeff Sessions in parody of Forrest Gump in the "box of chocolates" scene. Octavia Spencer pokes fun at Oscars pointing out she's played 16 nurses but won an Oscar playing a maid.
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In the Cold Open Donald Trump faces an alien invasion. Scarlett Johansson hosts for the fifth time. Segments include Zoo Pornographer, Complicit and Fire Island. Al Franken and Jeff Sessions visit the Weekend Update and Pete Davidson gives his First Impressions. Lorde is the musical guest.
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In the Cold Open, Donald Trump decides between Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner. Jimmy Fallon hosts. Segments include New Shirt, Celebrity Family Feud: Time Travel Edition. Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy explains Passover traditions on the Weekend Update and Sean Spicer has an Easter Message. Harry Styles is the musical guest.
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In the cold open, Mika and Joe from Morning Joe have chemistry. Chris Pine hosts for the first time with LCD Soundsystem as the musical guest. Segments include Star Trek Lost Episode, The Handmaid's Tale and Where in the World Is Kellyanne Conway?
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 43rd season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Michael Che, Pete Davidson, Leslie Jones, Colin Jost, Kate McKinnon, Kyle Mooney, Cecily Strong, Kenan Thompson featuring, Mikey Day, Heidi Gardner, Adam Moffat, Luke Null, Chris Redd and Melissa Villaseñor. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Chadwick Boseman hosts, Cardi B performs. President Trump (Alec Baldwin) speaks on Fox News, Kenan Thompson is back as host of Black Jeopardy, history's first pregnant man, Aidy Bryant aka Aidy B speaks her mind, Weekend Update featuring Mark Zuckerberg, and more various skits.
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Robert Mueller interrogates President Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, Meet the Parents-style. .John Mulaney hates modern party music almost as much as he hates captcha. Drag queen waiter gets judgy on a customer for a good reason. A student with unwanted erection tries to postpone the class' planned walk out. The parody of "Wild Wild Country" (2018) shows how some became guru Rajneesh's followers just to partake in free love. In a diner, a customer orders a lobster, which leads to a Broadway-esque operatic number based on Les Miz. Rock musician Jack White performs his song "Over and Over and Over." The Weekend Update covers such topics as President Trump's ongoing scandals and the Facebook data privacy scandal, while Fox News' host Laura Ingraham comments on businesses boycotting her show over her incendiary comments, and LaVar Ball overpraises his son's basketball genius. An 80s sitcom about body-swapping called "Switcheroo" with an extremely uncomfortable incestuous plot line is returning to TV, so a reporter interviews its creator. At the plastic surgeon's office, a woman tries to convince her boyfriend not to remove his horn implants. Jack White performs his song "Connected by Love." Parody of the Real Wives franchise closes the show.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 43rd season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Michael Che, Pete Davidson, Leslie Jones, Colin Jost, Kate McKinnon, Kyle Mooney, Cecily Strong, Kenan Thompson featuring, Mikey Day, Heidi Gardner, Adam Moffat, Luke Null, Chris Redd and Melissa Villaseñor. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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Does not include musical performances or sketches containing licensed music. America's premier sketch-comedy show returns for its 43rd season LIVE from Studio 8H in New York City. This season, the cast includes Beck Bennett, Aidy Bryant, Michael Che, Pete Davidson, Leslie Jones, Colin Jost, Kate McKinnon, Kyle Mooney, Cecily Strong, Kenan Thompson featuring, Mikey Day, Heidi Gardner, Adam Moffat, Luke Null, Chris Redd and Melissa Villaseñor. Check out these selected sketches and segments from each of this season's episodes, so you can make every night a Saturday Night.
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