Buy Not Going Out

Geooffrey and Wendy, Tim and Lucy's parents,arrive to spend Christmas at the flat whilst Tim brings Daisy,now his girlfriend,and Barbara stays on to help with the catering. Lee has bought a murder mystery game which involves dressing up and role play but half-way through Geoffrey and Tim argue and Lee has to persuade Geoffrey to calm down and resume the game in order to identify the murderer.
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room. "My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on." He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire." Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time. "He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network." He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. Moore award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "The Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says. He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says. "Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are Alright".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer. He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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Live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel... host Ricky Gervais takes the stage. His beer (presumably Fosters) is already waiting for him. The over-under on the amount of time it takes him to make a Charlie Sheen joke is 30 seconds."It's going to be a night of partying and heavy-drinking," Gervais says by way of welcome. "Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: 'breakfast.'"The under wins.On to a "Tourist" joke. He quashes the rumor that the only reason it was nominated was so the HFPA could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. "They also accepted bribes," he says.He gets bleeped for "for Christ's sake."He mentions "I Love You Phillip Morris" wasn't nominated. "Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists," he zings. As the guests in the room look around and wince, Gervais assures them the hypothetical actors in question aren't in the room. "My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."There's a Hugh Hefner is old joke, and some unfortunate pantomime.He senses light laughter and gets right to presenting.Scarlett Johansson is up first to give out best support actor in a movie, to Christian Bale for "The Fighter." Hopefully no one steps in his line of sight as he makes it to the podium, you know how he hates that.Bale acknowledges he didn't used to know who the HFPA was. "And now I know who you are and I suddenly realize how wise and spectacularly perceptive you guys are," he jokes.He gets played off the stage and the mike cuts out as he's trying to acknowledge Robert De Niro.LL Cool J and Julie Bowen are out next for best actress in a drama TV series, which goes to Katey Sagal for "Sons of Anarchy."She thanks her costars and FX execs and her manager of 30 years. She gets cut off just as she's thanking the show's exec producer, and her husband, Kurt Sutter.Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey acknowledge Miss Golden Globe, Joe Mantenga's daughter, Gia. They present mini-series or TV movie, to "Carlos".The people who assigned the seats are batting o-fer on winners, as people keep having to make the long trek from their seats in Siberia in the back of the auditorium.Whoever is accepting for "Carlos" gets played off as well, but seems to think the music is just mood and not a cue to shut up.Ricky Gervais waits as the whole crew try to make their way off the stage. He introduces the next presenter as the star of Hudson Hawk, Hart's War and Mercury Rising and as Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis.He's there to introduce comedy nominee "RED."Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester present next, but nobody hears what they're saying because Meester's dress has a slit that goes higher than the voice of the winner: Chris Colfer from "Glee."He's barely putting words together as he gets on stage and thanks the show creator Ryan Murphy, his "fairy godfather."He dedicates the win to his costars, "but most importantly to all the amazing kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates and are constantly told 'no' by people because of who they are....well, screw that, kids."Next up is Michelle Pfeiffer to present best picture nominee "Alice in Wonderland."Phillip Burke, the president of the HFPA, comes out and congratulates everyone on their congratulating.Milla Jovovich and Kevin Bacon present best actor in a TV drama to Steve Buscemi for "Boardwalk Empire."He pulls out his notes and promises to talk fast "before that sad music comes on." He thanks HBO and his costars and his family.On to best TV series drama, which goes to "Boardwalk Empire." Terrence Winter opens with "holy effing crap."Mark Wahlberg takes the stage. Fun fact: he's an exec producer on the show. Winter wraps up: "To my family and friends back in Brooklyn: I can't believe I'm sitting at a table with Al Pacino either."Andrew Garfield presents "The Social Network" but gets totally tangled on the word "inspiringly" because, well, it's not a word.Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are next and introduce best original song after he awkwardly talks about her dress and makes a "Ski Party" joke. Uh, sure."You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" from "Burlesque" wins and Diane Warren and thanks Cher for being "the eternal bada--- you always are."Next is best original score, which even Alec Baldwin seems bored by. Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win for "The Social Network."Trent Reznor thanks the people on the movie and doesn't look the least bit like a hard core rocker with his reasonable length hair and tux.And then, it's time for Justin Bieber and Hailee Steinfeld, the girl from "True Grit" (yes, she's taller than him). They introduce best animated movie. The winner is "Toy Story 3". (Cut to Tom Hanks and, inexplicably, Jennifer Love Hewitt.)The director Lee Unkrich accepts, acknowledging the presenters and asking if they were even born when the first one came out.Gervais is on to drinking wine introduces the next star as from Ironman, then wonders if it's a porn title. He continues with "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" and "Bowfinger" to make his point, then says he's also from Betty Ford and the Los Angeles county jail.Robert Downey Jr. comes out and not only takes the jab in stride, but gamely jabs back."Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister overtones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far," he says.He moves on to his intro."I don't think an actress can say she's done her best work... until she's slept with me, Julianne." Cut to Julianne Moore. Then Anne Hathaway, Annette Bening, Emma Stone and Angelina Jolie, the nominees for best actress in a comedy.Downey continues, saying that somehow the women did their best work without him."I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you," he wraps up, pointedly. Maybe he'll want to host next year.Annette Bening wins for "The Kids are All Right" and the camera immediately cuts to Jane Lynch, who recently married her girlfriend.Bening thanks Julianne Moore, her costar, for asking her to make the movie. She thanks the 1962 Golden Globe winner for "Most Promising Actor," her husband Warren Beatty.Ricky Gervais is back out, saying the next presenter has been in ten of the top grossing movies of all time. "He has played a boxer...and Rambo."Sylvester Stallone presents "The Fighter".Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton are next presenting best actor for mini-series or TV movie. Al Pacino wins for "You Don't Know Jack."Al Pacino and his four-inch high brown hair take the stage and he rhapsodizes about the joy of playing a real person. He appears to be about half the size of Tilda Swinton, even with the hair.The music does not play him off. You don't play Al Pacino off.Then for actress in a mini-series or TV movie. We learn why Jennifer Love Hewitt is there: she's nominated for the Lifetime movie "The Client List."But she loses to Claire Danes for "Temple Grandin."Next is Zac Efron to introduce "The Kids Are Alright."Ricky Gervais comes out next, introducing the next actor as one he cast in his show, "he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us... please welcome the ungrateful Steve Carrell."He and Tina Fey introduce the nominees for best screenplay. "Screenplays we could have written, if we had time," Fey says.That one about the rock climber that, Carrell says, he would have given his right arm to write. Har.Aaron Sorkin wins for "The Social Network." He says the people at Sony believe "people who watch movies are at least as smart as the people who make them."The table applauds Scott Rudin as the "best living producer."He commends David Fincher for making scenes of typing look like bank robberies.Next is supporting actress for TV. Jane Lynch wins, she hugs Sofia Vergara almost immediately."I am nothing if not falsely humble," she says, and acknowledges "Glee" writer Ian Brennan for writing Sue's "deranged" lines.More Ricky, who introduces the next category as one "no one in America cares about." Foreign films!"In a Better World" from Denmark wins. Smugly check that off on your Golden Globe ballot if you guessed it right.Helen Mirren is up next to introduce "The King's Speech."Blair Underwood and Vanessa Williams presents best actress in a TV series, which goes to Laura Linney from "The Big C." She's not there to accept.Jane Fonda introduces "Burlesque."Next, best actor for TV. Kaley Cuoco (and her impossibly long hair extensions) announce her costar Jim Parsons as the winner.He thanks "my writers" then catches himself, saying "the writers - 'my writers,' how crass."Jeremy Irons introduces the nominees for best supporting actress in a movie. As they cut to Helena Bonham Carter we see she's wearing a tumbleweed on her head. That's some hairdo.Melissa Leo wins for "The Fighter" and thanks anyone she can think of.Matt Damon is up to present the Cecil B. DeMille award to Robert De Niro, who he says he hadn't heard of until about five years ago when he was in "The Good Shepherd."He quotes from "The Godfather" - doing the Fredo part. And then "GoodFellas" - the Joe Pesci lines."And who could forget 'Taxi Driver' where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13 year old hooker?" Damon jokes, before a montage of De Niro - including "Analyze That."Then Bobby D takes the stage and the crowd stands and applauds - and he lets them."Thank you, Matt - and I loved you in 'The Fighter'," he says.To the HFPA: "I was very gratified when you made the announcement two months ago - well before you had a chance to review 'Little Fockers,'" he says.He says some of his movies were missing from the montage, but the punchline is censored.He says he's releasing some of his movies on DVD for people who may have missed them "I'll be selling them in the lobby right after I pose for more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press."He gets another standing O when he leaves.Then it's Megan Fox to introduce "The Tourist."Annette Bening introduces best director. David Fincher wins for "The Social Network".He reads his acceptance speech, thanking the crew "without whom I'd just be a bitter old man with a lot of opinions."Jimmy Fallon and January Jones present best TV comedy to "Glee." We hear their rendition of Journey for the third time.Ryan Murphy thanks people as the entire cast and crew takes the stage. His acceptance speech takes less time than their entrance.Alicia Keys introduces "Black Swan".Next, Halle Berry introduces best actor in a comedy, in which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti wins for "Barney's Version.""I'm a little jacked up because I ate five boxes of the free Godiva chocolates," he says. He thanks his three movie wives, and says he got to "smoke and drink and" something that gets censored.Joseph Gordon Levitt gets up and quotes Betty Davis in introducing "Inception."Jeff Bridges strides on stage next and introduces the nominees for best actress in a drama. The winner is Natalie Portman, who pregnantly takes the stage and thanks her grandmother in Cincinnati and parents, who are in the audience.She mentions her fiance Benjamin Millepied, who choreographed the movie and had a line, saying he didn't want to sleep with Natalie's character."He's the best actor, it's not true! He totally wants to sleep with me," she says.Ricky Gervais introduces the next two presenters as a man whose movies have made $3.5 billion and he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes... and Tim Allen.He and Tom Hanks introduce the nominees for best comedy."We remember when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby, kind comedian," Tom Hanks says. "Neither of which he is now," concludes Allen.The winner is "The Kids Are All Right".Sandra Bullock introduces the nominees for best actor in a drama. Colin Firth wins for "The King's Speech".He thanks the HFPA for the mid-life reassurance. "Right now this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson."He calls director Tom Hooper and his costar Geoffrey Rush the two other sides of his "man love triangle."Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation as he comes out to announce the final award of the evening. "There's just gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation," he says.Onto the nominees for best picture (drama). "The Social Network" wins. (Insert status update joke here.)Producer Scott Rudin accepts. Kevin Spacey is among the crowd on the stage, as a producer. He thanks Mark Zuckerberg for allowing them to tell a story about social networking through his life.Ricky Gervais comes out to say good night. "Thanks everyone in the room for being good sports," he says, even though they weren't.Finally: "Thank you to God - for making me an atheist."
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When Lee discovers that Tim is fronting rock band the Auditors he goes along to heckle but is surprised that they are good and Lee is jealous - particularly when guitarist Stretch hits it off with Lucy. He gets a job as the band's roadie but a meeting with Stretch's ex-girlfriend enables him to discover Stretch's real motives for his involvement,leading to Lee making his rock star debut and farewell performance at the same time.
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When Lee's scrounging father Frank turns up in a wheelchair claiming to have been discharged from hospital after being hit by a bus Lucy and her family think that Lee is hard-hearted in not administering to the supposed invalid. Frank realises this and tells Lee that,if he makes a fuss of him,Lucy will have a higher opinion of him and Lee falls for it. Frank is of course faking his injuries but Lucy does indeed give Lee a little respect for trying to be helpful - though only a little,of course.
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In an effort to show the others that he is not a wimp who needs his creature comforts,Lee agrees to accompany Tim,Lucy and Daisy on a camping weekend. Unfortunately Tim's car breaks down in a spooky wood and a number of sinister people wearing clown masks surround the would-be campers. After much deliberation as to his manliness Lee gets out and unmasks one of the clowns,discovering that he is one of a group of elderly voyeurs who have come to watch couples have sex as the car has broken down in a part of the wood well-known for 'dogging'.
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Lee trains for a charity run to impress Lucy but gets injured and,answering a card in a shop window,gets Polish masseuse Claudia round to the flat for a sports massage. Unfortunately she is actually a hooker and Lucy is not pleased when she walks in on them. To impress upon Lucy his innocent misunderstanding Lee takes a reluctant Tim in search of Claudia,leading to their being arrested for kerb crawling and ending up three in a bed with Claudia before all is satisfactorily explained.
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Lucy is working on a men's health initiative and suggests Lee check 'downstairs' for lumps. When his testicles seem to be unnaturally swollen Lee visits a doctor but,put off by the fact that she is a woman,drags Tim along to a sauna to assess what size normal testicles should be , leading to an embarrassing encounter before he gets the all clear.
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When Lucy claims no recollection of kissing a stranger because she was drunk Lee challenges the notion that people forget things due to drink and they conduct an experiment,knocking back a bottle of 85% proof home-made hooch. Next morning they wake up in bed together and slowly recall that they may have made a sex tape,which has somehow been swapped with Daisy and Tim's holiday video. Drastic action is called for to reclaim it but they are too late and must sit down with Lucy's parents to watch the film and learn the truth.
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Lucy's elation at securing a business deal quickly evaporates when she accidentally runs over Button,the pet rabbit belonging to client Paul's daughter Sophie. Lee agrees to take the blame but on returning the corpse discovers it is another,wild rabbit she also killed. They decide to buy a replacement and go to a pet shop where they narrowly avoid meeting Paul and Sophie so that the contract looks as if it can be saved - until Lucy and Lee pay another visit to Paul. Written by
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Lee,Daisy and Lucy are on a skiing holiday but Lucy has had an accident,putting her arms in plaster. The three of them are in a cable car which gets stuck over the piste,their fellow occupant being a heavily pregnant woman who speaks little English. With Lucy incapacitated and Daisy obsessed with a stray bird it is down to Lee to act as midwife - which he does admirably even though he was not expecting triplets. Written by
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When Lucy starts a course learning to be a psychotherapist Lee is predictable cynical so she decides to use him in an experiment. She has him visit his father Frank to find out what happened in the past to doom their relationship. It turns out that Frank never wanted to have a son - it was just that the condom broke - and that Lee was a problem child who caused his parents' marital break-up. For all that a kind of reconciliation follows. Written by
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Lucy attends a three day conference to acquire new business clients but jealous Lee assumes she is out to get a boyfriend and,forging a pass,gets in to stop her,posing as her husband. Inevitably this fails so Daisy urges him to return and declare his feelings,which he does,claiming to be her father and accompanied by her mother. However this incurs the wrath of her real father Geoffrey and loses her the deal she was after. Written by
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Lee is desperate to make Lucy jealous so he goes on a date with marriage-obsessed Rachel,taking her to a high class restaurant where he crosses swords with a lordly waiter. Finding Rachel odd Lee nonetheless continues taking her to the same restaurant. Back at the flat Rachel gets very amorous with Lee and - almost - succeeds in making Lucy jealous. Written by
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Wendy and Geoffrey recruit Lucy,Daisy and Lee to join their amateur dramatics group,performing a Victorian-style melodrama called 'The Kiss' and written by Lucy's pretentious first love Scott. Jealous that Lucy and Scott are hitting it off on stage Lee attacks Scott and gets sacked from the play. However,come the first night,he reappears and uses the fiction to show Lucy how he really feels about her. Written by
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Lucy's god daughter Nancy is dumped on her on the eve of her ninth birthday party,to which her unruly friends have been invited. To impress Lucy Lee offers a magic display in the guise of clown Wiggly Bob but,thanks to Daisy,he fails to pay Steve, the sinister magic shop owner for the props hired on approval,with the result that Steve sabotages the big stunt,an escapology act,which leaves Lee and Lucy stuck in a locked chest. Fortunately Daisy comes to their rescue and the birthday party goes ahead,with a somewhat fiery climax. Written by
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Frank suggests Lee spends a weekend on his boat,along with Daisy and Lucy - which he accepts when it means he and Lucy will be sharing a double bunk. The platonic bunk-sharing goes well but next morning the boat has slipped its moorings and drifted out to sea and Frank,unaware of this,has hacked a hole in it to claim the insurance. The group is saved by Marshall,the boat's life raft but,back on dry land,Lucy tells Lee she never wants another date with him. Written by
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Lee invites Lucy and her parents and Daisy for Christmas at his late aunt Maureen's country house, which appears haunted though Lee tidies it up, burning a rocking-chair. This seemingly housed the ghost of a young boy and in the night ghostly music is heard - though it turns out to be provided by Lee's father Frank. Between them they discover the identity of the 'ghost', a childhood friend of Lee called Ralph - or so they think until Frank provides the answer to their questions.
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Returning home from the cinema Lucy and Lee are mugged. Lucy feels Lee could have been more heroic so he joins a gym to learn boxing but in his first fight he is beaten b a little girl. He hopes to impress Lucy by doing a deal with the robbers but this does not work out. However his visit to the gym does - albeit in a roundabout way.
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Lucy befriends wealthy new neighbours Anna and Toby but is not pleased when Lee gets them both invited to the christening of the couple's baby, Jack. They decide to buy a unique christening present - a plate with the baby's foot-print on it but when it comes back with six toes on it Lee assumes this is a mistake and borrows another baby for a second attempt. This proves to be the real mistake as Jack does indeed have six toes - leading Lucy to take drastic action.
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Lee is surprised when Lucy tells him that she wants her work colleague Mike to be a sperm donor and offers his own services. Lucy's parents are initially unimpressed but eventually they agree and Lee goes to the sperm bank clinic though images of Lucy's parents and Daisy prevent him from doing the necessary. Back at the flat Lucy suggests that they actually do have sex but the fact that they are good friends and no more makes them see the situation more clearly.
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Envious of their interesting life style Lucy befriends Anna and Toby though Lee feels left out so Daisy suggests he invites then to a dinner party . This he does, pretending to be a successful business man with tickets for an upcoming charity event. Feeling sorry for him - and admitting to being hen-pecked - Toby gets the tickets for him and allows Lee to take the credit. Unfortunately at the charity dinner Lee gets very drunk and the lie is exposed but when he takes to the stage to sing Lucy's praises and Anna criticizes him Lucy realizes which of the two's friendship means the more to her.
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Daisy and Lucy are about to appear on TV quiz show 'Pointless' but after Lee cheats by recording the show and knowing the answers in advance he takes Lucy's place. They are rubbish but, within the show's rules, get a second appearance and, by looking at the answers, get through to the final. Lee is still rubbish but Daisy surprises him - and everybody else - by coming up with a winning answer she got from nowhere.
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Thrown out by his girlfriend for his drinking Lee's father Frank moves into the flat but soon becomes a liability, urinating on Lucy's yucca plant. Lucy threatens to evict him unless he attends a group therapy session - which he does, bringing home a questionnaire showing that Lucy and Lee also drink to excess. They agree to attend the group and to stop drinking with the result that the group leader believes the flat is a safe environment for Frank. Lee then takes to the bottle to get rid of him.
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Lucy is organizing a surprise anniversary party for her parents at Mario's restaurant but makes the mistake of telling Lee so the news gets back to her father Geoffrey, who makes it clear he does not want it. Lee then devises a plan to cancel the restaurant booking by telling Mario that Geoffrey has died and throwing the party at the flat. All goes well until Mario turns up to offer his sympathies and finds that Geoffrey is very much alive.
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Daisy, Lee and Lucy are on a plane going on holiday but Lee is scared of flying and suspects another passenger of being a terrorist - leading to an embarrassing encounter in a toilet. When Lee overhears the man in conversation with a stewardess he convinces Daisy and Lucy that they are in danger and they steal his bag. In the event it is Lee who gets mistaken for the hi-jacker whilst the suspect proves to be an air marshal.
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Lee and Toby are in the pub whilst Lucy attends a job interview in the restaurant next door but Toby, having established that Lee and Lucy are merely friends, tells Lee that he has actually set Lucy up on a blind date with his high-flying cousin. However when Lee admits that he loves Lucy Toby persuades him to tell her, explaining that there is no cousin, it was just a ruse to expose Lee's true feelings. Consequently Lee proposes and Lucy accepts.
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On the eve of his wedding to Lucy Lee hears that best man Tim is stuck in Germany and cannot make it so he reluctantly lets his dad Frank take over. Frank insists on a drunken stag night which lands them both in jail, along with Lucy's father Geoffrey, when it turns out that the ring Geoffrey gave Lee was stolen in the 1920s. Eventually all three are released and the wedding goes ahead - with two best men.
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Lee and Lucy are now married with three young children, Molly, Benji and Charlie, but Lucy's unwillingness to leave the children with strangers means the couple have no social life and they argue when she forgets their wedding anniversary.. When her parents agree to baby-sit it allows for a romantic evening which unfortunately ends in an argument though a little role play manages to restore the romance.
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Anna gives Lucy two tickets for the ballet but she is stuck for a baby-sitter so Lee asks his father frank to oblige, despite Lucy's objections, given Frank's drinking habit. However he turns out to be very efficient so they engage him again. Unfortunately he seem to have taught the children swear words so Lucy dispenses with his services even though he swears his innocence. A stand-off with Lucy's parents exonerates Frank and puts Geoffrey in a bad light, pushing Lucy into deciding who she wants to baby-sit in future.
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The family sets out to drive to France for a wedding but the children's whining and car-sickness and a traffic jam are doing nothing for Lee's nerves. Lucy is questioning whether the bikes on the roof-rack contravene height rules and George at the ferries' call centre confirms this. With the car reaching Dover at the last possible minute for the deadline only Lucy's skill at improvisation can get the family on board in time for the crossing.
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At dinner with Anna and Toby Lee and Lucy play a game in which each must nominate a chosen partner in a hot tub. Toby fancies 'Countdown' queen Susie Dent whilst Lee opts for singer Emma Bunton - and Lucy chooses her sexy dentist Michael, purely to make Lee jealous. At a charity function Toby introduces Lee to Emma who agrees to having her photo taken with him in return for a donation but is not happy when she discovers his ulterior motive. Ultimately Toby gets to share the hot tub with Susie because she admires his charity work, causing Lee to lose their bet.
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Lee and Lucy are called in by their 7-year old son Charlie's teacher who complains of his disruptive behaviour in class . Lucy defends him but Lee is concerned the child may end up like him, likewise the class clown, and a chat with Charlie reveals that he is trying to impress a little girl in his form. His improved behaviour allows him to enter a story he has written into a competition judged by a visiting children's author Johnny Lucas. And after a meeting with Lucas, Lee knows exactly how his son can impress the visitor.
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When Lee complains about Lucy's idolizing her parents' 'perfect' marriage Anna suggests Lucy takes him to marriage guidance, which has helped her and Toby. Lee is sceptical but accompanies Lucy to see a counsellor but his flippant comments only serve to make him feel guilty. So he agrees to cooking a special meal for in-laws Geoffrey and Wendy but Geoffrey is suspicious of such kindness, a situation which ultimately reveals that he and Wendy themselves needed to see marriage guidance after he had had an affair. Following this admission Lee remains triumphant.
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Lee is feeling broody but Lucy is not keen for another child so Toby advises Lee to apply reverse psychology, suggesting that he goes along with her wishes - which works until Anna puts Lucy wise to Lee's tactics. This leads to Lucy calling Lee's bluff and suggesting a vasectomy, which Toby endorses, having had one himself. Ultimately Lee and Lucy eschew their friends' advice and make their own decisions.
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On Christmas eve Lucy's parents bring a huge present for the children but unfortunately Lucy and Lee have bought the same item and it is too late to change it. Frank saves the day with his gift but Lucy suggests a little white lie to save face for Lee and herself and when Frank turns up unexpectedly it creates an awkward situation, made more awkward when Anna and Toby arrive with their news. Fortunately unforeseen circumstances and Anna and Toby's son come to the rescue.
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When her parents go on holiday Lucy persuades Lee to help her tidy up after the builders in their new kitchen extension but within minutes Lee has ruined their artificial lawn. He manages to replace it and wipe the CCTV evidence but the plan is not foolproof - as he discovers.
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For Lee's birthday surprise Lucy arranges a puzzle game for them, their parents and Anna and Toby. They are locked in a cellar and have to escape before a hypothetical bomb - to which Lee is hand-cuffed - explodes. Frank annoys Geoffrey by spotting more clues than him but then the party discovers that the organizer is a crazed, vengeful loser and that the bomb may be real. They have only seconds left to save themselves . . .
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When their son's toy key ring is missing Lee and Lucy blame Anna and Toby's son Jack. Jack appears to be innocent but Lee is unconvinced and steals the key ring back. Then Anna arrives with an announcement which requires a stealth mission, ending in embarrassment.
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Lee reluctantly agrees to the children having a pet rabbit but instead they opt for an ugly hairless rat who turns out to be constipated and needs regular attention. Lee returns it without telling the rest of the family and lies about his actions but an act of kindness by Toby almost catches him out.
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Lee and Lucy are invited to dinner by Anna and Toby but Lee is desperate to watch a TV show and gets Lucy to lie that Molly is ill. However they are close to being caught out when Anna and Toby turn up to check on Molly, leading Lee to tell a series of even bigger lies - which soon spiral out of control, threatening his marriage.
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When Lucy puts the family on a healthy eating regime she is upset to find that Fred, the school lollipop man, has been giving the children sweets and, rather than upset the old man by a direct approach, she and Lee complain - anonymously - to the council. Unfortunately this leads to Fred's suspension and an angry backlash against the unknown complainants. Lucy's efforts to help out make matters worse - but it does put an end to the unpopular healthy eating.
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Encouraged by Anna, Lucy considers breast enlargement, hoping it will restore the femininity she felt when younger. Lee is not keen and, on Toby's advice, tells her she is perfect as she is, which only makes her more determined so Lee agrees to support her, accompanying her to see the surgeon. This results in an argument, leading to Lucy's ultimate decision.
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Lee isn't happy that his kids are learning about 'the bird and the bees' but it turns out he might need a lesson or two himself.
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To celebrate Halloween, Lee and Lucy decide to take their children trick-or-treating, but things take a turn for the worse when Lee loses his phone on the doorstep of a creepy Victorian house. Upon returning to retrieve it, he discovers the building holds secrets that would have been better left alone.
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A no-holds-barred round of New Year's resolutions at Lee and Lucy's party degenerates from friendly suggestions about how to improve behaviour to insulting observations.
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Lee accidentally opens a package that belongs to a neighbour and is to embarrassed by what's inside to simply confess to his mistake.
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To celebrate their anniversary, Lee and Lucy plan a friendly night of pub quizzing with Toby and Anna, but the evening is derailed when neither couple can bear to lose to their partners.
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Lee becomes suspicious when Frank introduces his new girlfriend, taking drastic measures to find out why she would want to date his dad.
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When Lee joins Facebook for the first time and makes contact with an ex-girlfriend from twenty years ago, Lucy is less than pleased.
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When Geoffrey tries to apply military scheduling to a family trip, it inadvertently forces Wendy to reveal a long-held family secret.
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Wendy falls back in love with painting. Unfortunately for Lee and Lucy she gifts them a painting she made of Frank.
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When Lee accidentally sends a rude text about Anna to Lucy, he makes the stupid mistake of sending it to Anna herself. Lee and Lucy now face the impossible task of stealing Anna's phone and deleting the text before she reads it.
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When Lee promises Lucy that he will make more of an effort to be friendly with other parents in the playground, he makes the mistake of starting with Keith.
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Lee is confined to a wheelchair after a knee operation, so decides to 'neighbour watch' with a pair of binoculars to pass the time. His suspicions are aroused when a cat goes missing that one of his neighbours is having a feud with.
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Lee organises a family camping trip into the back of beyond where they soon discover that no one can hear them scream.
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