Hit and Run
In the opening scene, Charlie (Dax Shepard) and Annie (Kristen Bell) are in bed making out and playing with each other though it is clear that Annie is stressed about something. Charlie tells her to close her eyes. He says that this moment is all she needs to worry about and if she wants it, he will be with her for the rest of his life. In a close up of Annie's eyes we see that she sheds a tear, touched by his words.Later that morning, Annie heads off to the local university to take an appointment with her boss. On her way out, a van carrying Randy (Tom Arnold) sees her and he says "hi". Randy asks if Charlie is in the house as they have a meeting (Charlie's in the Witness Protection). Annie says "yes" then heads out. Randy tries to take a sip of his coffee, but he spills the entire thing all over himself, scalding him. He exits the van, and it rolls away since it is not in park fully. Randy chases after it, and when he sees in going in the direction of some nearby kids, he pulls out his gun to try and shoot out a tire but winds up shooting bullet holes in the van and the neighboring house's window. It crashes into a rock median, never getting near the kids. Charlie comes out wondering what the hell he is doing, and the Randy attempts to explain himself to Charlie and the children's mother and fails miserably. Charlie ushers Randy inside quickly before he causes any more trouble.
At the university where Annie works, her boss reveals that she was able to speak to someone at a bigger university about creating an entire department around Annie's field (conflict resolution), and they want her to head it. The only problem is that the job is in Los Angeles, and she knows that Charlie being in WITSEC can't leave where they live. Annie's boss Debbie (Kristin Chenoweth) tells her the job is an opportunity of a lifetime. Where she works now is beneath her. Debbie goes further saying that she went to state school, went to football games, got date raped, and had to listen to her boyfriends. "I deserve this okay?" Debbie says, but tells Annie she doesn't have to.
Back at the house, Charlie is talking to Randy, still trying to understand what just happened outside. Randy tells him that he got demoted to WITSEC because of two shootings incidents where his gun was accidentally discharged. If he gets reported for another incident, he will lose his job. He blames it on his pistol, as it was not the revolver he requested. He points it at Charlie not understanding the danger of doing that given his bad luck, and Charlie quickly takes it from him and dismantles it so it can't go off. Randy then chides Charlie never to touch his gun again.
Annie comes home to see that Charlie has made dinner. She reveals the job offer and how she is worried about accepting it. Not to mention, Debbie has told Annie that if she does not take the interview, she is fired anyway. Charlie is less than pleased, because she will have to leave and he cannot. Even though he will hate it, he would never forgive himself if he held her back. They spend the night awake trying to figure out what to do.
The next morning Annie goes to the university to beg for her job back. Charlie is at home thinking when he makes a decision. He goes to the barn and pulls a tarp off a car and drives off.
At the university, Debbie is trying to tell Annie she will get over Charlie when he shows up. He tells her they are going to L.A. despite the potential danger. It has been four years since he's been in the program and L.A. is a big place where they can easily blend in. As they drive off, Annie says she has to pack, but Charlie says he got everything she would need. Annie then realizes she doesn't have her teaching certificate, and she does need that. It is at the house of Gil (Michael Rosenbaum) her ex-boyfriend.
Annie and Charlie arrive at Gil's, and when he answers, he keeps trying to subtly get her back. When Annie mentions she is leaving for LA with Charlie, Gil balks, afraid that he is a serial killer or something since he knows nothing about Charlie. "I'm afraid he's going to kill you and role play with your corpse," Gil says. Charlie comes up and subtly threatens Gil. Gil gives up the albums with the certificate and they leave. Gil sees the license plate on Charlie's car though.
On the drive to L.A., Charlie mentions he spent 1.5 years working on the car with his dad so that's why it special to him.
On the other side of town, a gay police officer Terry (Jess Rowland) is talking to his partner Angela (Carly Hatter) about a gay man finer app for his phone called Pouncer. It is a means to stake out other known gay men for conversation and sex. Terry gets a call from Gil (they are brothers) and Gil voices his concerns about Charlie. He asks Terry to run the plates and Terry finds they are expired and registered to a Yul Perkins. Gil looks up the name; Yul (A.K.A. Charlie) was a getaway driver for a group of bank robbers that turned states evidence. He Facebook friends the ringleader, Alex Dimitri (Bradley Cooper), saying he knows where Yul is.
Charlie and Annie stop for food. He gets a call from Randy who learns he is leaving for L.A. Randy freaks out saying he needed to follow protocol in order to do that. Randy heads out to get him while Charlie tells Annie they need to keep going to outsmart Randy. As they are getting back into the car, a guy asks Charlie if he uses Nitrous. "Nitrous is for fags," Charlie says, driving off. Annie is less than pleased with him using that word, believing it to be offensive. Charlie tries to defend himself, but Annie shuts him down using the example of calling her purse the "n-word". Charlie promises to cut it out.
Charlie notices Gil has been following them. They both pull over. Charlie wants to beat him up, but Annie makes him promise not to. Charlie confronts Gil and Gil reveals that he knows his past, and mentions Alex. Charlie warns Gil that if Annie leaves him because of what he does, that he will beat Gil up. "I'll fucking beat you to death, Gil!" Charlie says. Going back to the car, Gil shouts out "Yul Perkins" confusing Annie. Charlie tells her that since he can't use violence, he'll have to outrun Gil. He revs the engine and munches on several donuts, making Gil cough from all the exhaust. This begins a car chase with them on a narrow country road with a few cars. At one point, Charlie goes into the other lane only to see Randy in his van on his cell phone. Randy freaks and winds up going off road, losing his gun out of his holster, it going off several more times almost killing him. Charlie eventually outwits Gil then goes back to check on Randy. They continue on driving.
Meanwhile at a grocery store, Alex and his girlfriend Nev (Joy Bryant) see a bulldog and pet him. Going inside to buy some water, the guy behind them, a large black man, puts down some cheap dog food. Alex takes offense to it, saying paying a little extra for better dog food will help the animal be better. The other man gets hostile and threatens to beat Alex up. "I'll knock out a nigger holding a baby," the agitated black man says. Alex leaves and the man pays for the dog food. Outside he sees his dog sans leash. Alex walks up behind him and puts the collar on him, dragging him on his back to the side of the store. He tries to force the dog food down the man's throat putting a gun to his head. The man says he "rather die than eat that shit". Alex says that was his entire point; in a dire situation, some people will eat another to survive, but the man would rather die than eat the dog food. So why would he feed it to his dog? "That's some profound shit man," Alex says. He gets back into the car with Nev than proceeds to mock the man for wearing a tank top.
Meanwhile, Charlie and Annie stop at a gas station for fuel. A redneck (David Koechner) takes special interest in Charlie's car. Charlie and Anna discuss his car. Charlie hates that he is being teased by her insinuating that he has a small dick complex because of his car. He then goes further saying there is no such thing as teasing in a relationship, that teasing is really saying what you don't like about a person but framing it in a joking manner so you don't get into trouble. They head for a motel to stay the night, and when they open the door they find out they were given the wrong room number as a fat naked orgy is taking place where a group of middle aged men and women are fooling around. They quickly back out shocked, and proceed to their correct room.
Alex takes a call from Gil. They have a somewhat idea where Charlie/Yul is.
Later that night, Annie presses Charlie about the name Gil used. Charlie says that is his real name; his dad was obsessed with Yul Brenner, but no one knows who that actually was (and the kids at school thought he sounded like a Sesame Street character). He picked the WITSEC name Charles Bronson to get away from a name he kinda hated.
Meanwhile, Randy gets his van working, and he is racing down the road to find Charlie. Terry and his partner see him and pull him over. Randy quickly explains that he is a Federal Marshall trying to locate a witness. Terry is ready to let him go provided he slow down some. Angela pulls him aside and notes there is a person nearby on his Pouncer App. That means Randy is gay. Terry requests to see Randy's phone and gives him his number saying he should be flattered. "I'm a 8, you're a 5," Terry notes. They let him go.
The next morning, Charlie is getting the car ready, while Annie takes a shower. After she comes out of the shower, she goes to the computer and almost looks up Yul Parker but decides not to. Charlie meanwhile tries to start the car only to realize the redneck from earlier stole his engine. He goes back to tell Annie he's going to call a tow company. On the way back out, Gil smacks him in the nose with a golf club, making his nose bleed profusely. Gil wants to see Annie to prove she isn't dead, but Charlie knocks him out, mad that he made him break a promise to Annie. Charlie is about to head to the lobby when he sees Alex, Nev, and another former crew member waiting. Freaked out, he forms a plan, taking a picture of a nearby car's VIN number.
Charlie races back into the room, telling Annie they have to leave now. He quickly downloads the VIN info onto a universal key, and they leave. Alex searches for them, hitting the same wrong room with the orgy of fat old people still taking place. (Seriously readers, the sight of that shit was disgusting!) Charlie and Annie get into the car just as Alex sees. Alex gives chase as does Gil as he wakes up his car where Charlie left him.
As they drive and get into a chase at an abandoned airfield, Charlie explains to Annie that he was a getaway driver for a robbery crew. However, Alex and another member shot a man during one job. Charlie had to turn state's evidence to save himself, as well as Nev who was his fiancee at the time. Nev would have been put in prison for life as she planned the heists and would've of been an accessory to the shooting. However, he was considered an unreliable witness and the case was eventually dropped. Annie has trouble computing the news, especially that he was engaged to Nev. During the time at the airfield, Randy joins the fray though some extreme driving causes him to brake hard, crashing a bowling ball through his windshield, further damaging it and getting knocked out in the process.
Charlie and Annie are able to evade Alex for the time being. Annie gets a call from Debbie telling her appointment has been moved up to 4:00 pm that day, and she needs to be there. Annie tells Charlie to pull over, and they have a big argument about him lying about his past. Annie makes it clear she wants nothing to do with him due to this and will find a way to LA another way. She sees Gil, and asks him to take her to L.A.
Elsewhere, Terry and Angela are at the airfield (Randy called them during the chase) and are having trouble finding him, so Angela suggests using the Pouncer app. They find Randy and think for a moment he is dead. Randy comes to and exits the van though passes out the second he does.
Gil is driving, still trying to get back into Annie's good graces to little success. Suddenly, the car is rammed off the road by Alex's crew. They knock Gil out and take Annie to use as collateral. Charlie gets a call to meet Alex or else...
Charlie meets Alex, and Alex vents his betrayal at Charlie. Charlie tells him that he had no choice. It was either Alex or Nev, and Nev was his finacee. He didn't want to have to choose between them. Besides Alex put him in that position in the first place when they shot that guy. Alex rages he spent 8 months in jail. Charlie mocks the small amount of time until Alex drops a bombshell. "I got butt fucked. I got fucked in the butt. I got fucked in prison! Yeah!" Alex says. Charlie is obviously shocked and actually feels bad about that happening. He then proceeds to not make it any better by asking Alex what ethnicity raped him ("It was Filipino, Okay!" Alex screams). Alex wants the money Charlie stashed away, so they drive out for it. On the way, he discreetly calls Randy and tells Alex the location of the money which is his father's farm. Randy hears and heads there.
Terry is driving with Randy behind him when he sees Gil and his totaled car. Gil explains Alex Dimitri has Annie. Terry tells Gil to get in the van with Randy.
At the farm, Charlie rings the bell and tells Annie he hasn't seen his father in four years since he was ashamed about what happened. When his dad, Clint Perkins (Beau Bridges) sees him, he knocks his son to the ground. Clint is mad as he didn't raise Yul to be a bank robber. To add insult to injury, he used "their" car for the getaways. Alex forces them all out to where the money is hidden. As they dig it up, Clint tells his son where a dune buggy is stashed in the barn. They give the money to Alex, who plans to use currency fluctuation to turn the money into a nice profit. Alex intends to take Annie as collateral, but Clint knocks him out with a shovel and proceeds to beat up Alex's other man. Charlie grabs Annie and Alex gives chase with Nev, wildly shooting his gun.
Charlie and Annie get to the barn and get the dune buggy running, crashing out of the barn. They are chased by Alex who shoots at them. Randy and Terry give chase in another dune buggy. Randy asks for Terry's revolver, and he cracks off a perfect shot for once, hitting Alex and causing them to stop pursuing Charlie and Annie. Randy and Terry take the two into custody.
Out of danger, Charlie and Annie stop the dune buggy. Charlie says he will get Annie to LA on time, even though she doesn't want to be with him no more, because his word is all he has left. Annie tells him more or less, that she wants to stay together, and they hit the road on the dune buggy.
Alex is put on a stretcher to go to the hospital and Nev is put under arrest. Randy and Terry are interviewed by some higher ranking agents (one played by cameoing Jason Bateman). Though somewhat they are somewhat rude to Randy, they admit that since he caught Alex Dimitri by himself that will get him out of WITSEC and possibly into U.S. Marshals again; even Terry is promised a potential promotion for helping.
Charlie and Annie get to the university on time. Charlie says the same calming seance as he did for Annie at the beginning of the movie and they kiss, their relationship renewed. Annie heads into her interview.
As the end credits roll, we see two scenes. First we see Randy and Terry, now a couple psyching themselves up as they get ready to head inside a building. Randy gets out of the van and it rolls off without him noticing again. They are heading up to the U.S. Marshals building.
In the next credits scene, we see Annie go into her interview, with Professor Sandy Osterman. He is smoking pot when Annie knocks so the office is full of smoke. We learn he is actually Debbie's brother, and she has mocked him their entire lives. Annie psychoanalyzes him and tries to make him feel better. Sandy is charmed by her and gives her the job as the head of her own department.