Buy Friday Night Dinner

Mum and dad are having a clear-out, but dad is reluctant to chuck away all his tatty old magazines, and ropes in Jonny to secretly hide the stash back at his flat. Mum is very excited because it's the final of Masterchef, while Jonny thinks it's 'Mastershit'. Mum is trying to get on with dinner, but their neighbour Jim keeps interrupting to use their toilet as he's mysteriously broken his own toilet. Meanwhile Dad has forgotten a man is coming to pick up their old sofa bed.
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Jackie insists that Martin burns his old magazines so he builds a bonfire,though his plan is to hide them all in the shed. Jackie's friend Val arrives to show off the dress she is wearing at her daughter Karen's wedding and Martin cannot resist scaring her with his Prince Charles mask whilst Adam cannot resist teasing Jonny since his supposed girlfriend is unable to attend the wedding.Jim appears,firstly to return Jackie's scales and then to report his dog Wilson missing though Wilson does return,bearing a pair of shoes. Jackie finally makes Martin burn his magazines but somehow in the confusion caused by Jim's visit Val's dress has got put in with them and goes up in smoke.
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It's Adam's birthday and,as he arrives at the house,he is almost run over by the dreaded Sheila Bloom,or Bitch-face as Jackie and the boys call her,an old flame of Martin's,in her much-prized silver Mercedes. Martin gives Adam a book on the S.S, as a present and cooks the dinner since Jackie has done her ankle in. It is a disaster so the family,plus Grandma,head to the local Chinese,only to find Sheila and her husband Eddie there. Sheila's insistence on telling the family that her mother died in the Mercedes reduces the boys to laughter and worse is to come when,discovering that he has taken Eddie's coat by mistake,Martin calls on the Blooms to return it - and backs into the Mercedes. Grandma's insistence on trying on her bikini and getting locked out of the house rounds off a very eventful birthday for Adam.
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The boys are already bickering when they arrive for dinner and Martin,stricken with a cold,sneezes all over them. However when Jackie produces their box of childhood belongings and Jonny learns that Adam binned his toy panda when he was eleven all hell breaks loose with Jonny setting out to destroy Buggy,the toy rabbit that Adam still owns. For safe keeping Adam gives Buggy to Jim who gets rather attached to it and whilst he returns Buggy an accident with a Flymo precludes a happy reunion.
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Grandma brings her boyfriend Lou Morris to dinner. He is a rude,critical man - likened by Jim to Hitler - who crashes his car into the front of the house and demands the Goodmans pay for his headlight. Furthermore he is still married and is having an affair with Grandma so Jackie asks the boys to find out his intentions but they are all too cowardly to cross him - until he goes too far. Fortunately Grandma knows how it will end.
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Jonny is pretending to have dislocated his shoulder to get out of helping Martin clear the loft but when Adam threatens to expose his deception he counters by threatening to tell Jackie about the blind date Adam dumped because she smelt like her,forcing Adam to give in. The boys are puzzled by the fact that their parents are not speaking having rowed over 'something sexual',Jackie inviting her friend Val round to support her. Things escalate with Jackie throwing the menfolk out of the house,Jonny really dislocating his shoulder and the reason for the parents' row finally coming to light.
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Martin,put on a diet by Jackie but eating goodies smuggled in by his sons,has bought a Fax machine. Jonny has a company car but it turns out to be little more than an advertisement for the estate agents who employ him and the family are unimpressed. Jackie is even less impressed to learn that Jonny is having an affair with his boss Liz,who is forty-three. After another bizarre visit from Jim,who has bought a cake for Wilson's birthday,the family goes for a spin in the car but on their return see a burglar making off with the Fax machine. The police are called but fail to stop a second thief driving off in the company car.
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Martin is drying fish in the cupboard under the stairs whilst Jonny is fretting as he wants to split with Liz but is scared to tell her and asks Grandma's advice. This,however,is to take her dancing and then make love to her. After Grandma has accidentally got locked into the faulty boot of Adam's car with a box of yoghurts for sustenance the family eats the burnt fish and Liz arrives,causing Jonny to panic. Eventually he breaks the news to her,with devastating results - though Grandma,who had initially mistaken her for a boy through her short hair-cut,offers her the yoghurts as compensation.
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Thanks to cowboy builders the house is in a mess and Martin in charge of cooking as Jackie is hiding in the shed from a mouse - which the lads believe they have squashed. Jim comes by to help but has an accident caused by the building works which leads guilt-stricken Jackie to ask him for dinner. Her menfolk goggle - and no wonder,given Jim's strange eating habits and desire to appear Jewish. The reappearance of the mouse means the meal is finished in the shed but,on returning to the house,Jim has a more spectacular accident - this one involving large amounts of red paint.
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Christmas gets off to a bad start for Jackie when Martin brings a huge tree into the house. It gets worse for everybody when,along with nice grandma,Martin's mother Horrible Grandma arrives for the day. She brings no presents as usual but her own sherry and her own turkey as Jackie's is too dry,along with her dog Boudacea,who is so old and ill she needs an oxygen mask. Sadly Jackie's turkey is indeed dry,causing Adam to choke and Martin to use Boudacea's oxygen mask to revive him,which does not please her owner and leads to a fight between the two grandmas. Martin manages to make his mother laugh but then the tree intervenes though Jim ,disguised as Santa Claus,manages to bring a little seasonal peace to the gathering.
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Adam brings new girlfriend Emma to dinner. She has a good sense of humour and is not deterred by seeing Martin wash dog mess from his foot in the toilet or his asking if any of her family has been murdered. Things go downhill for Adam though when Emma's sister sends him a series of sexy texts, which are seen by eight year old Katie, whom Jackie is baby-sitting, and who blackmails Adam - to whom she has taken a shine - into playing with her or else she will tell. Emma feels neglected and is puzzled by Adam's strange actions but worse is to come when she sees what Jonny has done to Adam's old bedroom.
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The boys are amazed to find that Martin has hidden a dead fox, which he wants to have stuffed, in the freezer and is anxious that Jackie should not find it. To this end he gets them to hide it in different places, each time having to bribe them - and Jim, who has also seen it, though Martin explains to Jackie that Jim is on drugs. Last hiding place is on the back seat of Aunty Val's car, requiring a spot of vandalism to retrieve it though for all Martin's attempts to be secretive Jackie eventually finds Wilson has come into the hall and is chewing the fox.
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Grandma turns up to dinner sporting a new hairdo and ecstatically happy though the Goodmans are horrified to discover why. She is engaged to the odious Mr Morris, now a widower, who also arrives at the house, claiming to be a changed man though there is little evidence to this effect. He takes them all out to the bowling alley, where it is apparent that not only is he still extremely rude but insanely jealous of anybody he thinks is eying up Grandma. This includes Jim, dressed as a dog to raise money for charity, and a fight breaks out. Sadly this does not seem to have changed Grandma's opinion of her beau.
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It's Jackie and Martin's twenty-sixth wedding anniversary. As a present he has painted a portrait of her which is as unpopular as Jonny's new tattoo and Jonny takes a watery revenge on Adam for exposing it. Order restored the Goodmans sit down to dinner but are interrupted by Jim, who has accidentally taken too many sleeping pills and promptly nods off. Then he starts sleep-walking, locking the family in the spare room until Grandma arrives to rescue them. He does however sort out the problem of what Jackie should do with her portrait.
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Jackie is having a night off from cooking as the family go to a Chinese restaurant but the evening is anything but relaxing for her as they have left a blind, sarcastic piano tuner called Mr Greencock in the house who has walked muddy foot prints all over her newly cleaned carpet. The visit is cut short due to the sight of Aunty Val with her toy boy and a domestic crisis when Jim sets his bath on fire. Val's husband Larry arrives mistaking Jim for Val's lover and though the couple make up Mr Greencock's sarcasm prompts Jackie to throw him out. Unfortunately he returns to exact revenge.
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Grandma's wedding day arrives and the Goodmans are not happy at the thought of having Mr Morris as a new member of the family with even Grandma nervously knocking back the sherry. Everybody arrives at the synagogue for the ceremony though Jim is not allowed to bring Wilson inside. The rabbi asks the couple to exchange vows and then something happens, something which, thanks to Grandma's quick thinking, will mark this down as one of the family's happiest days ever.
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The boys arrive to find that Martin has invited another guest, an old university friend called Tony. Sadly there were two Tonys and Martin has accidentally asked the wrong one, a fatuous bore - much to the boys' amusement. To get rid of Tony Martin lies that Grandma has died but Tony insists on staying to be helpful, and passes on the sad news to Jim, whose oven has broken and wants Jackie to cook a large fish for him. Eventually Tony leaves but not before he has run into Grandma - and another, unpleasant surprise greets the family.
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A potentially gloomy evening is averted when it turns out that Val's husband whom she believes has walked out on her has actually secretly booked a weekend in Paris for them but disaster soon strikes from another corner when Martin's annual oiling of the house's door hinges leads to a nasty stain on the bedroom carpet. Diversionary tactics to keep it from Jackie involve an embarrassing, impromptu trip to a restaurant where Adam fancies the waitress whilst Martin smuggles in the ailing, grumpy Mr Murray to get rid of the stain. Martin is jubilant as the family returns to a stain-free house - but a double horror awaits.
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Adam arrives at his parents' house with an award presented to him for writing a prize-winning jingle, prompting praise from his parents. However this is overshadowed when Jonny turns up with Lisa, whom he has secretly married in Las Vegas, incurring Jackie's displeasure, especially at the news that they plan to live in America. After Jackie relents everybody moves to the pub with birthday boy Jim, who has mistaken the congratulatory banner for Adam for being for him and where Jonny and his new bride make an announcement.
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An unwell Adam has been staying with his parents for the week and Martin and Jonny are irritated by Jackie molly-coddling him. The boys set out to return Grandma's glasses to her house but disaster strikes when they get locked out of Adam's car and Adam ends up wearing only his pyjama top, demanding Jonny gives him his shirt to wrap around himself. Fortunately Jim has just passed his driving test and stops to give them a lift. Unfortunately he has no sense of direction and heads off towards the motor-way, requiring Martin to come to rescue them.
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It is the day of great uncle Saul's funeral and Jonny is not happy to be missing the Monaco Grand Prix for it and nobody is happy that the obnoxious Grandma Goodman has arrived, making demands on them all and likening Val to a prostitute. When she damages a cabinet Jackie delivers an ultimatum - apologize or there will be no family attendance - and even when the ceremony does go ahead Martin's eulogy and Jim's unexpected arrival turn it into a very bizarre occasion.
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Adam and Jonny are shocked to see a For Sale sign outside their parents' house and Jackie showing a couple of prospective buyers around. The boys see it as an act of betrayal, terming the dinner The Last Supper and when, to everybody's amazement, Jim shows an interest in buying, he ends up by wrecking Martin's car. When the couple put in an offer Jackie has a dilemma - should she be practical and sensible and sell, or put family loyalties and sentimental memories first ?
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The Goodmans agree to look after Jim's Alsatian Wilson as he is seeing his sister, who is afraid of dogs. In fact the 'sister' is his Internet date, the irritatingly giggly Jackie, and, when Jim locks himself out of the house the Goodmans must prepare for two extra guests as well as pretending that the furniture-chewing Wilson is their dog. But the worst is yet to come.
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Adam and Jonny arrive to find Martin up in arms about Auntie Val staying, following her divorce and taking over the house, throwing out his things. A row erupts when she tries to bin his 'lucky' twenty year old tin of meat but her plan of revenge on her ex-husband causes trouble for the whole family, as does eating the meat for Martin.
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.As Jackie's birthday approaches Martin has been charged with organizing a surprise party for her so the boys take her to the pub whilst he gets things ready, returning home early when Adam's car catches fire. Unfortunately Martin has got the dates wrong so hardly anybody turns up, forcing him to admit his mistake. He arranges an alternative celebration but the evening eventually ends up with a surprise - though not the kind Jackie was expecting.
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Jackie is horrified when Martin finds his old ventriloquist doll Lord Luck in the attic after twenty years. When Jonny's depressed friend Ben turns up efforts are made to cheer him up but somehow Lord Luck does not quite succeed in that area.
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Jackie prevails upon a reluctant Adam to bring his old violin to play for Grandma Nelly but when Grandma cries off, due to a fall, malicious Jonny invites Auntie Val and her strange son Spencer as Adam's new audience. However a series of interruptions somehow lead to the instrument being confiscated by the police.
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Adam is expecting a call to say that an American TV company is using a jingle he has written but Jackie is more concerned that Wilson keeps using the Goodmans' garden as a toilet. A prank call from Jonny to Adam leads to the dining room carpet being ruined but then Jim turns up with some disturbing news.
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Both Adam and Jonny have new girlfriends, but decide it is probably best not to tell their mother. Martin has bought a disgusting, old, battered caravan which is propped up on bricks in the drive.
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Martin is increasingly obsessed with trying to retrieve a plastic bag from a tree. Jonny's sense of style is out of this world. Meanwhile, Adam discovers that hell hath no fury like his Mum scorned.
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