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Immature yuppie Sam, his friend Anthony and Anthony's girl-friend Kate are 'crashers', legally occupying a deserted hospital to keep out squatters, along with older divorcee Colin, Anthony's ex-lover Lulu and the shy Fred. Whilst Sam and Fred bond awkwardly Anthony fights off Lulu at Sam's birthday party, where Colin is also the reluctant date of free-spirited French woman Melody, Sam's ex. Much confusion results amongst all concerned.
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Kate is almost electrocuted when a lamp falls into her bath and is angry with her housemates' laziness. Lulu starts work as a receptionist but is plagued by Melody ringing up to speak to Colin and takes refuge in a café, where - coincidentally - the other crashers have turned up. Anthony warns Lulu off his relationship with Kate whilst Melody comes on to Colin, wanting to paint him and Sam encourages Fred to play truant from work and finds himself being propositioned.
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Anthony cooks the others a curry but Lulu annoys Kate with her mock Indian accent, insistence that everybody - literally - sings the cook's praises and suggestion that the couple are not as strong as they claim. Fred's new boyfriend Will turns up to see Fred argue with Sam, Melody argue with Lulu - whom she accuses of being sex-obsessed, and the table collapse. Afterwards Kate and Anthony do get it together under the sheets, disproving Lulu's allegations.
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Anthony learns that Lulu needs to register to live in the hospital and that involves a registration fee so the pair visit Lulu's dotty aunt Gladys, where Lulu discovers that to get the money she has to match her aunt's drinking capacity. Will resists the advances of Sam, who is apparently less heterosexual than he appears whilst Melody helps Kate discover sexual freedom, resulting in a joyously messy party for the crashers but bad news for Anthony.
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When an eviction order is slapped on the hospital Kate tells Anthony she wants them to move into a flat without Lulu and Will invites Fred to move with him into his new place. However Sam wrecks this latter plan as, determined to have Will, he phones him at Samaritans under an assumed name and then propositions him in the shower, and Will moves on his own - though not without disclosing that Sam had been with Lulu and Kate. Colin meanwhile discovers the strange reason for Melody being attracted to him.
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Lulu offers to help Anthony find Kate, who has gone missing and is getting drunk with the similarly absent Fred. When Anthony sees Kate being hit on by her friend Jessica he gets the wrong idea but fortunately Lulu is able to offer rational - and surprisingly unselfish - advice to reunite the couple. Melody and Sam also get to realize their true feelings for Colin and Fred, who both end up in a real hospital.
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